The Adventures of Aidan and Zoe

Monday, June 30, 2008

38

I own 38 pairs of shoes. Funny how it is actually 38, since in Chinese, the phrase "38" has a special meaning. I can't quite phrase it right in English, for those of you who speak Chinese, help me out here.

Meanwhile, I am a little shocked that you fine ladies think I own more than 38 pairs! 38 pairs is quite a shoe collection. I mean, I can wear a different pair of shoes EVERYDAY for over a month! That should be my goal- for the month of July, I am going to wear most of my shoes, just once. That should be a pretty exciting 'project.'

When I was a little girl, I always had the same pair of shoes- everytime I needed a new size, we would go to the same shoe shop and buy the same shoes, classic maryjanes, in either black for winter, or white for summer. Therefore, to own pink sandals, red heels...etc, is quite a different pattern.

Luvsny- you won! I can't wait to cook you a meal and MEET you. And for all those who participated, a new game will be coming: I am determined to make meals for my sweet friends, with a good attitude, and so, this is a way to sort of determine the sequence in which I will make you all meals. Now, I thought about a new game: guess how long I can go without having to buy meat. I have a huge stockpile of meat in the freezer... But then who would want to get a meal of old meat?

Now, the rest of this post will be random thoughts.

I saw two new patients today- the clinic is really behind in getting new patients seen by physicians, and 'out of the goodness of my heart' I offered additional slots for these new patients. (Although, after those two, I am now seriously doubting my own insight and judgment.) With the economy souring, there is just a huge influx of patients, who either lost insurance, or moved back home to live with their parents, (yet, none of my existing patients are leaving me, a really weird phenonmenon, that it only goes one direction: to me.) Usually, when I see a new patient, I am determined to find something about them that I like, something positive, something good. This wouldn't be hard in my private practice, truth be told, I would love to be friends with my patients in private practice (but alas, I can't.) Yet, this had become increasingly difficult to do with my public psychiatry job, even though I am fully aware that they, too, are made in the image of God. After much struggle, I found one quality in each: for the first person, she wants to go back to work- and that can sometimes be uncommon in my patient population. For the second person, at least, he promised not to yell at me. I know, I take what I can get...

I am making friends on Facebook. Facebook- I feel like I am still in college. It is awesome to find my high school/college/med school buddies on Facebook, people with whom I haven't spoken to in YEARS. Then, I am debating, do I look up people that I had crushes on? Ex-boyfriends? Would that be weird? Is it like stalking them? What have you guys done about exes on Facebook?

Monday, June 30, 2008

Zoe's footwear

These are sweet Zoe's shoes. The first row are the three pairs in her current size. The two rows behind are shoes ranging from size 5-8. There are 3 pairs in size 5, 2 in size 6, 1 in 6.5, 1 in 7, and 1 in 8. She moved on to her size 4 shoes in the last 2 weeks, and thankfully, I had all those shoes in stock!

The second pairs from the left in the middle and third rows are the same shoes, and they match the basket- and they match Hubby's pink, gingham shirt. I can't wait to put her in those shoes and ask Hubby to wear the same shirt. Who says matchy matchy is reserved for mommy and daughter?

There is shoe shop around here called Gum Shoe, I love their end of the season sales- and am looking forward to loading up more shoes for sweet Zoe.

Sweet Zoe isn't so sweet when she doesn't get her way. We don't remember Aidan doing this, but when she is frustrated about not getting something, she gets into her tantrum position: prone on the floor, kicking her feet in the air, screaming. It is awesome, if only I were a bystander, I would probably think, "Dude, her parents need to discipline her." Don't worry, we are on it.

By the way, we went to Sweet Breams. Very tasty, highly recommend it.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

• An Interlude

  I had plans of taking pictures of A&Z's shoe collection, but alas, didn't ask Hubby to switch the camera setting back to jpeg before he went to work today. That's right, Hubby went to work on Saturday- the 'services people' came into town, and Hubby needed to teach them something, or learn something from them. Or something. (By the way, I am doing ok with both kids on a Saturday- we went to a farmer's market, Aidan got in trouble, came home, met with a general contractor, had lunch, read stories, everyone napped, and now, they are still napping. Thankfully.)
  
  I wanted to write about my shoes, but from a different perspective.
  
  I was thinking, "Why am I obsessed with shoes these days? If a patient came to me and rambled on and on about shoes, how would I interpret that?"
  
  If I had a dream about shoes, which I have had, (I also have had dreams about 100% humidity, but that would be another topic, entirely), in the archtypal thinking that is common to Jungians, would be that I am dreaming about the need to be 'grounded.' (Notice how convoluted that sentence was, and that would be very common in Jungians, they are so wordy... Anyway. I think this is true, I have been feeling ungrounded, in my career, family life...etc. With Zoe's sickness, Hubby's work, the children's new developmental stages, I feel like I live with targets that are constantly moving. There is also another area that I haven't really talked about- our church life. To keep you coming back for more, I will talk about that later.
  
  From a psychodynamic point of view (which is actually the kind of therapy thought that I practice), I would say that I am trying to 'find myself.' Who am I? What kind of doctor/mother/wife do I want to be? The kind that wears Manolos? The kind that lunch? The kind that is guilt ridden? What kind am I?
  
  I can tell you about the kind of doctor I am. The kind that has a resident to supervise! When I met with my boss yesterday for our weekly meetings, he thought it was time that I picked up a resident. I am not entirely sure how I feel about this- surely, I know a lot more than a PGY II resident, so I am not so concerned about that. I am concerned about the fact that this resident will not be licensed, doesn't know very much, and will need to use MY license to prescribe. I will have to figure out how to help her learn, without driving her crazy.
  
  Well, I will be back when the camera takes pictures in the right mode...
  
  

• Are you sick of reading about my shoes?

  I thought I should probably set a deadline about the shoe ownership contest- the contest will officially close by Monday morning. Get your comment in! I am very much looking forward to making a meal for someone!
  
  In spirit of honoring my metatarsals, and the fact, that my lovely brother is a podiatrist (who always tells me to not wear heels), I am going to talk about shoes for a while. My shoes, Hubby's shoes, Aidan's shoes, Zoe's shoes... Get ready for endless thoughts about shoes.
  
  For tonight, I am going to talk about shoes I have given away.
  
  The most memorable shoes I have given away, were my wedding shoes. I went through great length to procure those shoes. Because it was very important for my mother, that Hubby remained a few inches taller than me, I opted to go for flats at my wedding, which then meant the dress HAD to be hemmed, which then required the seamstress to detach my gown at the waist, and lift it all up (there was extensive embroidery at the hem) and that, was $. I REALLY wanted some Kenneth Cole wedding shoes. Back in 2000, there weren't that many options for wedding shoes, and I thought Kenneth Cole wedding shoes were actually really expensive. Although, a classmate of mine in med school, who got married six months before me, said, "I really wanted to go cheap with those shoes, so I bought Kenneth Cole shoes." She had looked at some Vera Wang shoes. (I went to med school with some RICH people.) Anyway, as I googled Kenneth Cole Wedding Shoes just now, I realized that he doesn't even really make wedding shoes anymore. Trust me, in 2000, he had some awesome shoes. I decided on this pair of ivory, "silk" ballet slippers, with rounded toe box. Also, in 2000, shopping on the internet was in its toddlerhood, and I thought I was so avant garde, to buy them from some shoe shop in Brooklyn, but on-line, for $50. Also, because Brooklyn was part of NYC, there was no sales tax on those shoes! I thought they were lovely, and my feet were as happy as could be. I hung on to the shoes for a few years, but then decided, when will I EVER wear ivory shoes? So I gave it away, in its original box.
  
  I had a pair of silver dressy sandals, that Hubby and I bought about an hour before we went to a wedding in LA, when I realized that the shoes I had brought, definitely didn't go with the springy dress. We paid full price (GASP!) for them, about $60. They hurt my feet like nobody's business. I hung on to them, faithful, for a few years, and recently sent them home to NYC with giddiemon. I wonder if she has worn them?
  

Friday, June 27, 2008

• More on Shoes

  I once hosted a resident retreat at my house (where residents meet to discuss/whine about how things are going) and I had to open my hall way closet to get the vacuum because someone spilled something. (These residents always left my house in shambles...) Anyway, they saw my shoes, and people thought I had a lot of shoes. I have a lot of shoes. Considering my feet have been quite a few different sizes in the last few years. I used to be a 7.5 medium- and I ounce found this pair of AWESOME Bally sandals at New York's Century 21 for $50. Loved them, until they died after 7 years. Then I became an 8 when I was pregnant with Aidan, then down to 6.5 wide after he was born...blah, blah, blah. Lots of shoes, different sizes.
  
  What I need, is a pair of shoes that can be converted to sandals. A pair of closed toed shoes for work, and just rip off the front for the weekend. Why haven't them invented these?!
  
  My shoe woes go back the way back to being a med student. Since being on the wards meant standing still, for hours, while rounding, I really wanted some comfy shoes. These hospital shoes HAD to be closed toed, to avoid skin contact of bodily fluids, and they needed to be cheap. I had some awesome Aerosoles, (NYC has Aerosoles stores that had special clearance areas behind them, with buy a pair of on-sale shoes and get another pair of on-sale shoes 50% off, I used to get 2 pairs for $40!) but then the feet got wide, and they don't make them in wide.
  
  As for Cole Haans... I have a pair. The edge binds my poor feet at the end of the day, so I actually don't fit them/or just this pair all that well.
  
  I tried to take pictures of my shoes and post them, but alas, Hubby had changed the setting on my camera to take pictures in 'raw' format, and I don't know how to change that, or to convert the downloaded pictures into jpeg... so for now, no pics. I will either have to get him to change them for me, or, gasp (!) figure it out later.
  
  Let's make this interactive, how many pairs of shoes do you own, and how many pairs of shoes do you think I own?! The correct guesser gets a meal, if local!
  

• Wardrobe Woes

  It is hard for me to get dressed every morning. I need a special wardrobe: outfits that are professional, yet great for being with children. Something that doesn't show drool stains, yet will not show dust either, (when I pick Zoe up, her shoes inevitably dangle around my thighs, leaving nice shoe prints....) Something that will keep me cool when I am outside, yet warm, when I am inside frigid offices. Something magical.
  
  Such things don't exist.
  
  I need shoes that say "My doctor is so smart, totally worth my money and time." Yet, shoes that are not matronly. Shoes that are comfortable for chasing children, but dressy, easy to take off but will stay on. Shoes that will fit my wide feet, offer arch support, but not old folggy. Shoes that don't cost the GDP of a small African country. Moreover, I really want some made in the USA shoes. Munro shoes are made in the South, but these are truly some old lady shoes (although I do have a pair of their boots.)
  
  I am not sure such shoes exist either.
  
  So I end up wearing the same stuff. A patient noted to me a few weeks ago, "You must really like pastels." Well, it isn't that I like pastels, it is because I don't know what to wear. Frankly, I love the clothes at Anthropologie, but truthfully, I think it is a little too frilly for work. I end up buying the same clothes again and again at Ann Taylor.
  
  I am on a shoe hunt. Since forking over $50 for a pair of Aidan's shoes a few weeks ago, I am feeling entitled to some nice shoes for myself. But how much is just too much to spend on shoes? A colleague of mine suggested that I try Chanel shoes. CHANEL. Do I need to say more? Shopping at Nine West, and other mall stores don't work so well, since these people don't make wide shoes. I have a pair of Stuart Weitzman in my possession, temporarily. Hubby thinks they are old lady shoes. I am thinking the same. (I have these in black.)
  
  The sling backs are the shoes I am drawn to. Or these.
  
  
  For those of you see me all the time, aren't these the things I always wear? Yet I want to buy more of them. Totally doesn't make sense.
  
  

There is a lot on my mind. When I met Hubby for lunch today, he patiently waited for me to ramble on, and on, and on, about how I am running out of sick and vacation time at work. (Actually, it is quite amazing that I had just enough to cover for this bout of diarrhea.) Eventually, he said, "Quick! Get to the point!" I am afraid to say that I am unsure where that point is.

Zoe went to school today- when I called her teachers to check in before lunch, she was doing ok, no poop yet, and was sleeping happily. I actually miss her. I miss her snuggly body, her sweet smile, her soft hair...

Aidan opened the bathroom door abruptly while I was behind it this morning, I let out a yelp, and he said, "Mama! You shouldn't stand behind the door." True, I shouldn't stand behind the door... We are working on knocking and respecting each other's privacy. (It is a fine line, to teach our kids to be comfortable with their bodies, and to preserve our own privacy. I keep thinking, that Aidan is only 4, but any day now, I think, he will shut the door on me and say, PRIVACY PLEASE!)

My grocery from the farm came. It came with just the right amount of stuff for making ratatouille, AND, a recipe for ratatouille. I made it already, for tomorrow's dinner, and can't wait to gobble it up. I do need to procure some herbs de provence for next time. We also received figs. FIGS. I would never buy figs on my own, but I can't wait to eat them!

Dinner for tonight, ironically, will be Round Table Pizza, per Aidan's request. Actually, he wanted it on Monday, but I talked him into waiting until today, I bought time with soba and salmon- because, on Wednesdays, I can use a coupon to get 50% off. (Pizzas are expensive these days...) He also specifically asked that his pizza NOT to come with a babysitter. He is onto my bribary tricks... As for tomorrow and Friday, we will be getting home around 5:30, and so dinner HAS to be all ready. If only we can eat instantaneously...

The most exciting bit...drum roll please!

My brother is ENGAGED! We are so happy for him and Wendy. Sweet Wendy- do you know what you have gotten yourself into?! My brother, Steve, had changed SO much since we both left home to go to college, in the early 90's! That was a long time ago! The brother I grew up with was romance averse. He thought lowly of mushy stuff, thought doing stuff for girls out of love was a waste of time. Boy oh boy, he is like a new person! Wendy tells us that he showed up at her work with flowers and chocolate for Valentine's! He calls her everyday, holds her hand, and treats her with so much love, respect, and TENDERNESS. It is truly WEIRD to see this all. We can't wait go to the wedding! I am getting a new SISTER! Aidan and Zoe will have cousins from my side of the family soon, hopefully, maybe?

I am exhausted. So. Tired. Just like Zoe. We got home around 4:15 today, and she rubbed her eyes. I put her down, and went to hang out with Aidan in his room. I fell asleep on his bed, and woke up to his sweet hands poking me, and a little voice that said, "Mommy! Go make dinner!" It was 5:15. I made salmon, soba, broccoli and some Trader Joe's coconut chicken rolls (very yummy.) Aidan and I started dinner at 5:45- he must had been very hungry, he hovered around me the entire time I was cooking. Hubby got home at 5:50, and we woke Zoe up for dinner around 6. I made 3 fillets of salmon, I had 1/2 a piece, Aidan had 2 pieces, Zoe and Hubby each had 1/4 of a fillet. Poor Hubby.

He got me a card that sings a Thank You song. The kids loved it.

After we put Zoe to bed, I hung out on Aidan's bed, again, watching him build more battleships (it is now occurring to him that many sailors die when a ship sinks.) I nearly fell asleep again...

So. Tired. Staying at home, caring for a sick child is more exhausting than going to work.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Hubby's Post

Zoe went back to sleep. After being awake for an hour, she rubbed her eyes and I put her back in the crib. My mom asked me yesterday, after I called her to tell her that diarrhea is the word on my mind, "Is she ok? I mean, it isn't normal for babies to sleep this much, right?" Beats me. All I know is that I love my kids the most when they are asleep.

Anyway, Hubby had posted a brief video about how he morphed two pictures so that everyone looked good. Let me tell you, Hubby does MAGIC with photoshop. I can tell him to give me more color, some lipstick, take out my under-eye bags, slim my arms, remove a red sticker on my pants, dust off those pants... He is awesome! However, awesomeness comes with a price: the price of time. Last Saturday, we had made plans to hang out after the kids went to bed. In reality, Hubby worked on editing the session he did last week, and I went to sleep. I suppose Phat Baby Photography is good for me, because while Hubby is hard at work, I am sleeping!

Meanwhile, I am seriously debating how long we will be able to keep up with this. Hubby continues to work 50+ hours a week as a product manager, with travel, and Phat Baby probably takes another 15 hours a week. I am at my salaried job 25 hours a week, while private practice takes another 8 hours. Both of our 'side jobs' need to be developed further. Sick children, children who need to be driven to swim lessons, Chinese lessons, how-to-be-human lessons, I just don't think this is sustainable in the long run...unless we get a maid. Any volunteers?

Monday, June 23, 2008

Why Fight It?

I give up. I am retrieving voice mail from my work, and then leaving a 'temporary' message, that I will be out until Friday. Why fight it? I might as just make peace with the fact that diarrhea typically takes about 1 week to go away, and 'enjoy' my time with my sweet Zoe.

Sweet, is my baby. Even though I am sure she doesn't feel well, she is still a trooper. She gives me big smiles, and tries to help around the house. She tumbles into her brother's Thomas the Tank Engine pop up tent, and tries to play hide and seek. She holds my hand while we go for walks, and then pulls on my hand, to get me to her level, then thrusts her arms toward me, to show me that she is all done with walking.

She is consistently using the signs for 'more' and 'all done.' Although, she definitely signs for all done more frequently these days since she has no appetite whatsoever. She snuggles up on my chest when I sing her a lullaby. She still sleeps like she always does, soundly, hours at a time. She despises being cleaned up after blow outs, but then again, I don't blame her. (We have a diaper changing station in the bathroom, and after ripping off the dirty stuff, I usually rinse her down.) When we finish, and I hold her close, she instantaneously stops whining.

What a sweet girl, I just hope this sweet girl can get back her appetite and go do fun things at school by Friday, the latest. God willing.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Source of the Germs

After struggling with God and what was in my heart, I found out the source of the germs this morning. Indeed, Zoe picked it up from school. Of 10 kids in her class, 6 are at home today, all creating lots of laundry, and parents wondering when they will be back to work. Even some teachers caught it. So. Infectious. Of course, after the reports came in, the school was scrubbed down with Envirocare, top to bottom.

So I am hanging out at home, waiting for the next BIG one.
This past weekend was a very weird weekend- it felt like I was perpetually waiting for a child to sleep. It was like watching grass grow.

I ended up staying home with Zoe this morning while Hubby went to church, since she had four very runny poop this morning. Actually, I need to digress, and tell you a story. Hubby said it was ok to write about it.

Hubby had the honor of changing her first poopie diaper this morning, and while he was busy getting the last nugget, Zoe reached down to 'help.' She definitely likes to help more than Aidan. Anyway, she got a bit of poop on her hand, and I have no idea how this happened, Hubby leaned in to get it all off, and Zoe fish hooked Hubby. That's right! Hubby ate poop. He finished up as quickly as he could, ran upstairs, and used lots of Listerine for his mouth. Of course, I had to ask, "So what did it taste like?" (Do you really want to know?) And you thought the story about the poop in my dryer a few years ago was bad...

That brought this to my mind about gross anatomy. There was a firm rule about NO EATING in the gross anatomy lab, for obvious reasons. However, my lab mate, John, loved to chew gum, and one time, a piece of fascia got flipped onto his face, by his lower lip, and he instinctively licked it off and chewed it. He chewed our cadaver.

GROSS. Which scenario is more gross?!

How do I even go back to talk about my weird weekend after those two stories?

I will just give you the short version. Tried to get Zoe to eat a big banana, Zoe napped, the guys came home, Aidan fell asleep even though we thought he wouldn't, we waited for him to sleep, because he was just unarousable. We tried to get ramen for dinner- but the place was closed on Sundays. Took a bus for two stops to get to another Japanese restaurant. Tried to get Zoe to eat as much rice as possible, ate dinner, came home, bedded the children. Long, weird, gross, weekend...

I am now eagerly awaiting a load of firm, brown, poop. Hopefully, the banana and rice did the trick.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

• What is in my Heart?

  It is 'funny' how God wants to know what is really in my heart.
  
  It is sad, but true, I don't think I have a serving heart. Last week, I thought I was being so serving by making a meal for Emilymr since her baby was having diarrhea, and I felt SO good about what I did.
  
  However, when the diarrhea began yesterday, I found myself gritting my teeth, "Darn it! I shouldn't have gone. I should have hired Waiters on Wheels, I shouldn't have stepped inside!" I think, God was really asking me, "Do you really love Emilymr? Or do you do it to get people to like you? Do you do it for me? Or do you do it for yourself?" REALLY H.A.R.D. questions.
  
  The reality is, Zoe probably caught it from school, where children touch each other, and I know that, and truth be told, I like how my children are exposed to gabillion germs. I mean, look at Aidan, that child is probably sick subclinically ALL THE TIME, but hardly ever gets knocked down by germs. Even when he gets sick, he is over it in hours. I have a pretty good immune system myself, many thanks to the fact that I work with sick people, being exposed to God-knows-what in hospitals, and partly, because I was sick a lot as a child. Alas, I digress.
  
  Also, the idea that Shiloh got Zoe sick is actually totally ridiculous. For starters, I didn't touch anything or anyone that day, and hours lapsed between visiting Emilymr and seeing Zoe- so unless my hygiene is THAT AWFUL, Zoe and Shiloh have two different strains of germs. For the record, my hygiene is top notch.
  
  So it is true, I want to think I am serving, but really, I am not. Thankfully, Jesus is the serving One, and He died for me, serving me in the ultimate way! FOR ME!
  

• Ready to Kiss My Job Goodbye!

  Alright, my career is officially over. Or so it seems.
  
  Zoe has diarrhea. It is inevitable. It is part of her growing up. It is just my lot in life, for now. But when I think about tomorrow, and the phone call to the clinic, to cancel a full day of patients, I am just so demoralized. Having missed last Thursday, Friday, and probably, tomorrow, I feel really bad. REALLY bad. I am also really bored. Bored of dirty diapers, bored of trying to convince her to eat something.
  
  So I theorize which of her buddies at school gave it to her, which of them is a suspect. It is probably the boy who is always touching her- I have to admit, I am prejudiced against some of these children who seem aggressive, because, my little angel is NEVER aggressive. NEVER. (As a side note, actually, I have been told that she just squeaks at her friends, and they back off.)
  
  Aidan also had a case of diarrhea when he was about this age. It was horrible. Every time I thought it was over, I took him to school, and an hour later, I went to school to pick him up. Then at home, there would be no diarrhea. It went on like this for a week in August of 2005.
  
  So, for my job, I hope and pray, that this won't be a week long hiatus. Partly because I dread the backlog, but also, I don't have that much sick/vacation time. I know I can always go on unpaid leave, but that is even more demoralizing.
  
  

Friday, June 20, 2008

Dinner Solutions

I have been thinking about fast and easy meals. This is what we do.

I use my crock pot. Theoretically, I should use it more frequently, but one can only eat so much stews. Here are some ideas about a crock pot.

1. Put an entire chicken in the crock pot, sprinkle salt and pepper. Set it on low, let it cook all day. At the end of the day, you get a whole 'roasted' chicken, with about 1 cup of excellent broth. We like the first meal with this chicken, but for just 2 adults and 2 small children, much of the meat goes unused, although I have some ideas about how to use leftover white meat, like chicken pot pie.


2. Split pea soup. I have written about this a while ago...

3. America's Test Kitchen has a few recipes (very good ones) to make beef stew, beef barley soup...etc. The trick is to use a thickener like tapioca and to put the vegetables in an aluminum pocket to cook on top of the stew, so that the veggies won't be all soggy.

Use the oven. Theoretically, one can chop up all the ingredients the night before...but it is hard for me to be disciplined about this.

Baby red potatoes, bell peppers, carrots...etc, cut them into slices (big slices), throw them in a zip lock bag, toss with olive oil, and place on a cookie sheet, sprinkle some salt and pepper. Preheat oven to 400 degrees, and roast for about 20-25 minutes.

Meanwhile, you can also roast a few high quality sausages, and have some rice, and that is a very good meal.

I have also found that salmon makes a quick dinner. I preheat the pan to pretty hot with oil in it (apparently, nonstick pans should never be preheated without something in it.) Then I sear one side of the salmon, turn it down to medium low, and let it cook until half way done, maybe about 5 minutes, and then flip to cook the other side, for about 10 minutes total. I microwave some teriyaki sauce and drizzle on top.

I also use the microwave to 'steam' fish- place a whole, cleaned fish, top with sliced ginger and scallions, and microwave, about 7-8 minutes per pound. Meanwhile, I make a little sauce of soy sauce, sesame oil, vinegar, and sugar. And drizzle that on top when the fish is cooked. This is especially tasty with sea bass (totally un-green to eat this fish, but it is just so good.)

Of course, all this sounds good in theory, but... For us, the key is for me to shop a week at a time. I always have things in the freezer to defrost during the day, and there is always pasta that I count on. I also love my box of farm fresh produce- I have no choice as to what I get, and I just have to eat it- a very good way for me to learn new things and to eat a variety of foods. Who knew I would actually like roasted green bell peppers?!

Anyway, now I know why my mom cooked so much 'sludge' when we were growing up. She didn't even have a microwave, so she would just toss leftovers into a pot of broth, and that was our lunch. I remember eating a sludge of rice, and long strands of seaweed...really weird, but I guess, totally nutritious.

For dinner tonight, we had one leftover pork chop and stir fried chard I made earlier in the week, and roasted bell peppers, carrots, tomatoes, and potatoes, rice, and I picked up a roast duck (Aidan asked for it last night, and I had time today, since I stayed home with Zoe), It was tasty!

Please, folks, share with me as to what you feed yourself, and your families!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Taking on a New Career

Sometimes, when I read the Wall Street Journal, I say things like this to my sweet Hubby.

"Dude, they fired Erin Callan! I bet I can do her job. Seriously, how hard is it?" (Erin was the CFO at Lehman Brothers...) "I can totally work at Goldman Sachs, I mean, to value an IPO? Seriously, start at $10." Of course, I actually have NO idea, whatsoever, about finances. (As matter of fact, I am known to let my patients leave without paying me.)

However, I am taking on a new career, sort of, in the 'business world.'

Now that Boards are OVER, sort of, at least for the next seven weeks (who is counting with me?!) I am now the marketing director for Phat Baby Photography! What do I know about marketing? Absolutely nothing. However, I do see a perk in this- (although I am sure Hubby would not actually agree with this) when Hubby takes me out to dinner, we can talk about 'business' for five minutes, and then write off the dinner, since it was a 'working dinner.' He thinks the IRS wont' look fondly at this.

But then again, Hubby is super conscientious of this. He went through the pains of figuring out how to collect and pay sales tax, because as he says, "Give Caesar what is due Caesar."

In comparison, my records of payment and all that is so crude, thankfully, one doesn't pay taxes for services. I write my income and expenses all down on a piece of paper... That piece of paper better not get lost, or else I will be in serious trouble next April 15.

Maybe I need to charge Hubby for my professional marketing services...

Juggling
I woke up to a squeaking toddler- and as I walked into Zoe's room, Hubby was measuring her temperature. None of it was a favorable sign for today. We opted to keep her (and thus Aidan) home for the morning, and to re-evaluate the situation after her morning nap. Ironically, while we were both able to stay home in the morning, neither of us could easily stay home for the afternoon. A command decision was made by me, when Zoe got up from her three hour nap- that she would try to go to school today. I dropped off the lovely children about 11:45 and made it to my lunch appointment. The phone started buzzing shortly after, and even though I prayed and prayed that it wouldn't be Zoe's teachers, it was. Hubby ended up postponing his meetings to fetch the kids by 1:30, so that I could keep my afternoon schedule.

Since she had a fever at school today, she is banned from school tomorrow. That was the gamble- to try to claim my time for work today, meant tomorrow's time was potentially in jeopardy. Alas, I lost this time around.

Hubby has a photography appointment tomorrow AM, and so I need to stay home, and since Hubby lost this afternoon's working hours, he 'gets' to go to work tomorrow PM, at his regular job.

The juggling effort of 2 working parents can be nutty when children get ill. Not that it isn't crazy when the children are healthy. We have been talking, a lot, about what to do about my work. I love what I do, but I love to be with my children more, and still, I love to also have alone time even more. Just how do I make it all fit into my waking moments, I don't know. God has a funny way of blessing me. I am convinced, that God knows how much I can handle. For instance, I scheduled a patient for tonight- and she canceled on Wednesday morning. And good thing too, because I sure can use a free evening. Meanwhile, on a grander scale, God knows my availability, and people would call to schedule an appointment with me, and my hours would fill up, and then the phone would stop ringing. Which means, I need to think about carving out another day to see private practice patients? But I only have so much time!

Hubby had also been joking, (sort of, I think), about working less. I told him that I would be game to work more, if he took charge of cooking, laundry, cleaning, and children. He looked at me, and said, "Hmm, maybe not." Truth be told, I actually enjoy grocery shopping, cooking, and all that. I think I would actually miss it all.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Battleships

I have to admit, I am really enjoying learning more about battleships from World War II. Every evening, Aidan, Hubby, and I sit in front of our computer, and watch clips about the Bismarck, how it sank the Hood, and two days later, how the Brits sank the the Bismarck.

I like it so much, that while I am at work, during my lunch hour, I found clips of the sinking of the Yamato and watched it. It is incredible, how the American planes approached this ginormous battleship, pounded it with shells, torpedos and bombs, and sank it within a few minutes.

As Aidan is learning about the violence of war, I have this debate within me, "Am I encouraging a violence in a little boy?" He hasn't been that violent in our real life (although he accidentally kicked his sister's cheek while we were tumbling in bed yesterday...) and if he starts to hit and kick people, that will be the end of this weaponry exploration. Also, I am sure, inevitably, he will learn about the Holocaust and I am so sad for that day, because it will be a day when he will, in a way, forgo a little bit of his childhood. I remember learning about Anne Frank in the third grade. My parents were really into buying children's encyclopedia- my brother and I spent most of our childhood reading the encyclopedia from front to back. No kidding. Just lots of fascinating information. Anyway, in the entry about Anne Frank, there was a photograph of a typical bunk in a concentration camp. I was SO, SO, SO, sad.

Anyway, I am looking forward to taking Aidan to see Europe, to see the remains of various concentration camps (Hubby and I went to Dachau in 2002- a very sombering way to end a fantastic vacation.) to visit the Intrepid in NYC, and varoius war/spy/military museums.

I wonder what Zoe will be like- to have a brother who is obsessed with Legos and all things big and strong, would she want to learn about those things too? Or will she be whining while we visit the Intrepid and feel like she never gets to do anything? I do have plans of taking her to the American Girl store in NYC, to play house, and maybe, she will even want to implement the Dewey decimal system to our books at home (Giddiemon and I did this when we were little)- I think our kids might be nerds...

Monday, June 16, 2008

• My Cuties

  We went to the park yesterday and good time was had by all, almost. I got cranky... But the kids were fine. Like I said, I am not as cool as a cucumber.
  
  Zoe loves it when big bro pushes the swing.
  
  
  
  She is waiting for her ride, with her baby. (I am looking forward to making baby clothes for Dollie.)
  
  
  

  
  

• Responsibilities

  I am enjoying Dr. Groopman's book, How Doctors Think, quite a bit. Interestingly, he excluded psychiatrists in his discussion, because, in his words, that how psychiatrists think was beyond his understanding. (There are many schools of thinking, and depending on what school one belongs to, one will formulate very different opinions about a patient. Incidentally, I think I am of the psychodynamic camp, for what it is worth.) Also, I agree with him that to get the best care, is to not become your doctor's favorite patient (we doctors then can feel bad about making you go through a painful test, or take a medication with awful side effects) but also to not be the despised patient (then all we hear is, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.)
  
  In his chapter about general practitioners (pediatricians, family practitioners, internists), he used an analogy: being a generalist is like standing on a platform, watching a train go by, and trying to find someone. As the train picks up speed, the faces blur, and it is worse than finding a needle in a haystack, because the haystack doesn't move, whereas the insane parade of patients is simply steaming ahead, with or without you. This is why I opted to not become a pediatrician: it is seeming so many kids (probably at least 30 kids) through the course of a day, and while nearly all of these kids have some benign viral illness, there will be one that has meningitis, and to miss that diagnosis at an early stage, would be fatal, or at least, a horrible outcome.
  
  For me, the responsibility is to tease out what my patients are really saying. Just last week, a really nice patient came in and told me that "my head has been warm for over a month, sometimes I have headaches, and I am really tired." What is he saying?! A warm head? I hope your head is not cold, at least around 98 degrees! But to feel that it is exceedingly warm? Is this a delusion? Is it a brain tumor, sinusitis? What is it?
  
  Or this lovely older woman today, who told me, "My back has been hurting, and then I eat something and it feels better." What is that? Is it musculoskeletal? Or is it a dissecting aortic aneurysm? Or reflux? What?!
  
  A patient's mother told me that she is looking to buy a little condo in this county, even though she works further down the peninsula, and housing is somewhat cheaper down there. As she talked about it, I realized that she was buying a home in this area, so that her daughter will always have this area's address, and therefore, can be my patient. It is so humbling, to think that she had felt her daughter was in such good care, that it is worth the extra commute time, the extra $, to ensure her daughter has access to see me. I hope I live up to her expectations and hopes!
  
  Sometimes, (perhaps too frequently), I get so worn out by their similar complaints, that I feel like I don't give my patients more time to talk, and I feel like a really bad doctor. It is then, really strange, to hear from the same patient that she feels so 'heard' by me. I suppose the fact that I let them have 25 minutes with me every 6-8 hours, and that I call everyone back within 1 business day, is more than they can get in other systems of care. Still, I feel the constraints of the system, and comparing the care that my private patients get in my own practice (where patients essentially have unlimited access to me, assuming they have the funds for it), I am a little ashamed of the state of public psychiatry.
  
  Alas, all I can do is to be as responsible, as conscientious, as I can be.
  

Monday, June 16, 2008

As Cool as a Cucumber

As I reflect about what makes my Hubby a great father, there are many things I can write about. For instance, Hubby has a way of bringing the Gospel into our daily lives in a very real way, he is diligent, smart, considerate, forgiving, loving, and of course, he is a funny guy.

When we were dating, my mom had said that she had never seen two people laugh so much. He made me laugh about everything- even when we were stuck in traffic in midtown Manhattan. For some reason, maybe early dementia, we had thought we could find street parking in midtown… and proceeded to spend over an hour driving in circles. But for that entire hour, we were laughing hysterically. In the end, we put the car in a garage.

We also used to tease each other, with statements like, “My kid is going to beat up your kid.” Although, we grew silent, after a few minutes of this, because we had both wanted and hoped that these kids would be the same ones.

But there is one specific trait that I hope Aidan and Zoe will get from Hubby, because they definitely won’t get it from me. That is, to be as cool as a cucumber during times of crises. Now, I am great with crises at work. I know what to do, when to call the ambulance, when to get nursing staff to help me, to restrain the patients, whatever. However, at home, when Aidan and Zoe are becoming banshees, when there is a flood of urine on the floor, when there is food thrown all over, or when I need to bathe a screaming toddler, I just can’t stay as cool as a cucumber. Hubby, however, will walk in from a long day of work, roll up his sleeves, and get to work. Magically, the task will get finished, even with screaming children, and he isn’t flustered. He just gets the work done!

Thanks Hubby! For being the love of my life, and for being what I can’t be, and for always pointing to the Ultimate Father.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Shoes

A few weeks ago, I took Aidan to see some porn, I mean, to the Lego store. We then were at Nordstrom to return some stuff, as we walked through men's shoes department, I noticed the sales rack, and that Allen Edmonds were on sale. Hubby had read about Allen Edmonds in the Wall Street Journal a few years ago and had mentioned that he would be interested in wearing those, if they ever went on sale. Anyway, I got Hubby a pair, and then ordered two more pairs, of different sizes from the on-line store, and eventually, Hubby kept one pair. He said, those shoes were the best fitting shoes he had ever worn.

We took Aidan to Nordstrom today, to get him some new water shoes. Since it had been so warm, Aidan had been spending most of his day at school, in his swim trunks and water shoes. I had previously bought some water shoes from Target, and after a few days of this, Aidan's feet were in a sad, sad, state- with red marks and the beginning of callouses. This was utterly unacceptable! Little boys shouldn't have feet problems! At Nordie, Aidan fell in love with a pair of Tevas. And he wore them out of the store!

Zoe's feet had grown too- and fortunately for her, I had been stocking up whenever I saw nice shoes for little girls. Now, Hubby, Aidan, and Zoe all have Keens! It is really cute, to see a little toddler wearing Keens.

I had also been doing some browsing on-line for some new work shoes- I suggested to Hubby that I ought to order these shoes from Bergdorf Goodman, to avoid tax. He said, "Right, because tax is what will make these shoes expensive..."

When we were in school, Hubby and I vowed, that we would never buy full-price things, and that we wouldn't spend more than $100 per pair of shoes... Well, we sure blew that out of the water! It is really hard, to find nice boy shoes on-sale, there just aren't that many styles to begin with, and stores usually sell out of the nice ones. Hubby felt okay about keeping his Allen Edmonds because, at least, they are made in the USA! (And, it was a father's day gift.)

As for those shoes I am salivating after, my birthday is coming up, in 2 months. Or, I can get them if/when I hear that I passed boards, as a gift, to myself...or something.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Age Appropriate?

Inspired by emilymr's post today, I should also catologue some stuff that the kids are doing, to me, to each other, to themselves...

Aidan loves youtube. His particular requests have been changing. We started our journey on youtube with Caltrains, garbage trucks, car races, car crashes, then it was construction stuff, (warning: if you search for cranes, you see a bunch of scary accidents.) We watched endless videos about people building Legos. There were Lego stop motion stuff, and over the last few days, it is clips from the History Channel that is his fancy. We have all been learning about various war vessels. Like the German ship, Bismark, the British ship, Hood, the USS Nimitz. Aidan has taken an interest to learn more about the Nazis (thanks to Indiana Jones... "Why do people chase Indiana Jones? Who are these people? Why did they take stuff away from people? I am going to punish the Nazis.) Watching the footages of the sinking of Bismark and hearing the survivors talk about the battles, is actually scary, but I am pretty certain that Aidan doesn't realize that when the Hood sunk, only 3 people survived, out of over 1400 crewmen! He is also busy building his own Lego versions of Bismark and Hood, and having his own battles. The storm troopers proudly stand in for the Nazis. He is also very interested in size- "Who am I bigger than? How old will Zoe be when I am this many? (Holding out various assortments of fingers.) It so pleases him, that God is bigger than any of his friends' fathers. "God is going to smack so-and-so's-father down!"

Zoe loves to climb into her doll's bed and sit there, with her doll, and signals me to cover her up with her favorite blankie. It is all very cute. She also likes to play with Legos- she will bring me a few pieces and waits while I put them together. Her favorite though, is ripping off the masks of the above storm troopers- so imagine, the mayhem, when Aidan realizes that his 'Nazis' are no longer at their posts. She is a little girl who knows what she wants and will not give it up, like my iPod, cell phones, and all things that glow. I am giving in to the urge of buying lots of clothes for her. Her closet is now full of matchy, matchy outfits, appropriate for school and church, and she is so CUTE! I can eat her for dinner.

The Story Behind the Story

A while back, I read a column in the Wall Street Journal about childcare and childcare facilities. Somehow, I decided to write the author an e mail about out experiences with sending our children to be cared for by others for most of their waking hours. (I can go on and on about that.) Anyway, then last week, the columnist wrote back! She wanted to know about our decision making process in determining parental leaves.

I really respect the journalists at the Wall Street Journal, and to be contacted by a columnist there, was like being on TV, or something like that. We ended up talking on the phone for a little bit last week, and perhaps because I am vain, or it is just so cool, to be in the Wall Street Journal, you know, the best paper out there! I am secretly she would invite me to the Wall Street Journal Christmas Party, so I can schmooze with Peggy Noonan, Laura Landro, and all the other super, cool writers.

Now, my experiences with journalists have not all been positive. After I attended senior prom, a high school friend who didn't go to the prom, asked me if I would be willing to speak with a journalist about my experience. Since I was 16, and totally naive, I talked to this woman, who worked for a really big Chinese newspaper and she wanted to see my prom picture, so I mailed her one. Then she printed the picture! And talked about my experiences about the prom- to most Chinese immigrants, the idea of a prom is lame/stupid/waste of money. To my parents, it was a mini-wedding, and probably, a chance for high schoolers to have wild, wild sex. (Never mind that high school kids can have wild, wild, sex, without going to the prom...) Whatever. One can only imagine the volcanic eruption that happened at my house that day, when the story was printed, with my picture, in COLOR. And my name. My parents were so, so, SO, mad. I was grounded for the rest of the summer- I think, the first time ever my parents grounded any of us, and probably, the last time ever. It was really, very, very, bad. To add fuel to the flame, my prom date was a Caucasian classmate of mine. My dad's mother saw the prom picture, and asked my parents, "When did Michelle get engaged?" Did I say it was a disaster?

I think, the subject matter is less controversial this time (I assume everyone thinks that the more time with a new baby, the better), and, it showed that we save our money. My mommy and daddy would be so proud!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Any Takers?

So I checked the paper. What the reporter said about me was favorable. Hint, this is the best paper in the WORLD and the only paper I read.

Anyone found the article? Remember, the first to leave me a note identifying the paper gets a free HOME MADE meal, if local, and if far away, I will take you out to a meal when I see you next time!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Back at Work

It is weird to go back to work. The mornings are very hectic again- I try to feed the children breakfast at home, but that can take a very long time these days, especially because Zoe just wants to munch on an apple, and isn’t satisfied until the whole apple is gone. With just four upper teeth and two bottom teeth, this takes a very long time. Aidan is in love with warm buttered toast as in Peter Rabbits, Tabitha Twichit's meals of choice, and I agree, warm buttered toast is YUMMY!

At work, while my hours are booked solid, people are not coming in. I don’t blame them, since the weather is amazing and who really wants to see their doctor? A patient of mine got deported yesterday- a very interesting situation to ponder about, ethically, politically, and humanistically. Alas, my tip for all the illegal aliens out there- is that do all you can to stay away from law enforcement. Don’t get high on drugs and kick a police officer. Don’t jump in the ocean and get fished out by the Coast Guard. Don’t speed, don’t rub houses. Just stay low and be nearly invisible. Apparently, INS agents go to various county jails with a big bus at midnight (your time is up at midnight) and run the names of released inmates through the data base and immediately deport whoever had been flagged already.

With these downtimes at work, I need something else to do. Ever since I started this employment (where I am paid by the hour), I had stayed at work even when I didn’t have patients, to just study. However, since my fate is undetermined at this time, I need a new ‘hobby’ for work. Any suggestions?

Monday, June 09, 2008

• Mom, you should...

  We usually go get some popcorn chicken and a tapioca drink with the children on Sunday afternoon for snack. It sounds weird, but it is SO tasty, Zoe tries the chicken and gets a few sips from Aidan's drink (usually something fruity) and Hubby and I love to sit and watch our children and enjoy our togetherness. Most of the time, Aidan and Daddy will decide to go to the park, while I take Zoe home to start dinner, feed her, and all that. We were trying to determine the specific play this afternoon and Aidan said,
  
  "Mommy, you should drop us off at the park, and then go home, make dinner, put it all on the table, and then come back to pick us up."
  
  Hubby and I burst out laughing, and I said, "Aidan, you are going to go to the park to PLAY, and I have to go home to work on dinner, PUT IT ON THE TABLE?"
  
  Aidan said, "Mommy, then come back and pick us up. I will be too tired to walk home."
  
  Very, very, funny. I dropped off the guys, and Zoe and I went home to relax, then the boys walked home, and we had our very lovely friends, S&A, over for dinner, and I didn't actually cook dinner (we got take out), although I did help to put it on the table.
  
  

• Life Beyond Boards

  I am reclaiming my life, gladly. Since Board had occupied the balk of my mind for so long, I almost can't remember what life is like without having the guilt of "I really should be studying."
  
  I am reading a non psychiatry related book, although the title of it is How Doctors Think and so... still a nerdy book, but very interesting read. I will have to elaborate on that later.
  
  I am exercising! I went for a run for 1/2 hour, the first time in 21 months. Wow.
  
  Also, I think, I might be quoted in a national newspaper on Wednesday. I am not sure, and you know those reporters, one can't be certain that it would be flattering. But in the spirit of supporting written news, for those of you who can correctly identify where/how I was quoted/described, I will cook you a meal (if you are local) and if you are not, I will buy you a meal when I see you next time! As a hint, this is the only paper I read.
  
  Well, I am also going to go to bed early.
  

Saturday, June 07, 2008

• Why?

  Zoe woke up this morning fever free, as cheerful as a lark.
  
  Which then begs the question? Why did she get sick at the most inopportune time? And stayed sick while I was taking the exam? As I sat there, trying to focus on the questions, listening to the construction, half worrying about her (is she vomiting? is she driving Hubby crazy? is she...?) and praying, "Dear God, please give me wisdom, let me pass, wouldn't it be to YOUR glory to let me pass?"
  
  Well, all things would point to God's glory, whether I pass or not. That is for sure. But, why would God make her/let her be sick at this critical time in my life? As I think about this, of course, I pose the same question to Hubby. He said, "Aren't you really asking why is there sin in the world?" So true. But why? Is God teaching me to depend more on him? Is God showing me that He is greater than this illness (of course, He is.)
  
  So anyway, the point is, I don't know. At the same time, if and when I pass, it will be because God's awesomeness and MERCY. If and when I don't pass, it would still be to his awesomeness, but also, probably more of his JUSTICE. Please God, be merciful...
  
  I will know in about 9 weeks.
  
  

• How the Board Exam SHOULD Be

  I think, people should be allowed to take the board exam with access to the internet. Seriously. One needs to know HOW to look up these things instead of just being able to recall random facts. For instance, I actually just googled "Neuropeptide Attachment." And I am pleasant surprised that I guessed correctly. Oxytocin and vasopressin. HA! I guess narrowing things down by recognition helped. I recognized that substance P was related to pain, and leptin was related to weight gain, and prolactin didn't seem right. SO RELIEVEd. Although, I am sad to say, that I definitely missed the one about a 10 year old with prominent jaw and macro-orchidism (BIG testicles!). That should have been Fragile X Syndrome. Oh well.
  
  Also, the board exam should be formatted that a person, upon scoring enough questions correctly, just pass, without having to go through 420 questions. And that if one can't score enough right questions in the time allowed, one just fail. That way, you walk out and you know, whether you're doomed to read Kauffman's AGAIN or you can move on to finding running shoes and actually exercise. (The two are mutually exclusive activities.)
  
  Anyway, I can sense that Hubby is communicating with me, telepathically, that I need to give this up. Although, I can't. I just can't. I MUST perseverate.
  

Saturday, June 07, 2008

HORRIFIED

My day was horrid. HORRIFIED. HORRID. HORRIFYING. I might have acute stress disorder...

Since today was THE day- the day that I had been dreading since 2002, when I started residency. The day that I had been studying toward for the last seven months. The day that you all had shared with me, in horrid anticipation.

I got up at 5:20, got the kids' stuff ready, then showered, and helped Hubby with Zoe (who woke up with a fever again, so Hubby was going to take the day off.) I got on the road at 7, before Aidan even woke up. I was SO tired on my way, that I thought I was going to fall asleep. Alas, I arrived safely, and on-time.

The registration for these professional exams had changed quit a bit since my licensing exams- I was finger printed every time I went in and out of the examination room. It was just me, and 420 questions, in 420 minutes.

The horrifying issues were two fold.

The exam itself. There was a question about the neuropeptides related to attachment. I had NO idea. Stuff about which finding was more prevalent in the prison population in regards to violence, was it 5-HIAA abnormality in CSF or was it temporal lobe abnormal discharges? What was the most common comorbidity of ADHD, was it Tourettes, OCD, bipolar, or what? There was only 1 question about cultural bound syndromes, after all that cramming. Way too many questions about dementia, and not at all about forensics.

Then there was the CONSTRUCTION. The testing center was on the second floor, and there was major demolition work going on the first floor. Hammering, sawing, stapling...ALL DAY LONG. Apparently, it had been in progress for TWO weeks, but I wasn't notified of this. I requested the test administration to file an incident report, and I am sending the board a letter about it. To have such a difference between testing centers is simply not acceptable.

So I left with a heavy, heavy, heart. I mean, I know the test is suppose to be difficult. I sure hope and pray that I passed. If I don't pass, I am going to MAKE the board give me a free test next spring due to the noise issues. Although, I half joked with Hubby, maybe I should demand to take the test again (I am sure it will be a different bunch of questions, since I imagine the test actually selects from a huge pool) next week. (Board exam is only available for 2 weeks.) He thought I had totally lost it...

Well, I am going to take my lovely sister's advice: Enjoy the bliss of the time between finishing the test and the time that the result comes back. Life will not be the same when the result comes back. (I will either have to take the written part again, or start to think about the oral portion.) Well said.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The Last Stretch

In less than 24 hours, I will be at the testing center, and at the beginning of my 7 hour exam. 420 minutes. So about 420 questions. I had planned on reviewing my notes, rereading chapters about biostatistics, cultural bound syndromes (which are very difficult for me to memorize, since they come with names in their own original language, like koro, latah...) However, that was not in the cards.

Zoe woke up with a temperature of 102.1 today. Good grief. She can't go to school, and Hubby is already taking charge of the kids tomorrow, (and the man should really get some of his work done) so I am in charge of her. This was a wrinkle I didn't plan for- but wouldn't this just be so appropriate? Nothing about a career and motherhood could be planned down to the t. Alas, Hubby offered to come back early, and Zoe went down for a nap, probably a long one. All isn't lost.

I am actually really going to miss studying, I think. To not have clinical duties for most of the days, for three weeks, was actually really relaxing! At the same time, I honestly don't know what I would need to do if I don't pass this time around. I have reviewed so much, since last November actually. The old questions are so familiar to me by now, and I am afraid, this is as good as it will ever get. I suppose if I the dreadful happens, I will take a review course, I will actually watch the videos given to me (I didn't because I thought I would fall asleep, and that our VCR isn't hooked up...) So, in a way, there are other ways of prepping. I just don't want any part of it.

God willing, this will be it.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

More About $

Over the weekend, I went to the grocery store to stock up. I acquired this habit in med school- that before I could buckle down and really study, I needed to stock up on food and various supplies, like I would be hibernating and needed to maintain my homeostasis. Anyway, at the local Chinese grocery store, they usually give away deli coupons, with a minimum purchase. It used to be buy $20 get $2 coupon, then in February, it went up to buy $30 get $3 coupon. On weekends, occasionally, the promotion would be buy $60 and get DOUBLE coupons. As I meandered in the store, I tried to make sure that I would have $60 in my cart, and was a little suspicious that I wouldn't make it. But alas, I can't build my life around getting deli coupons. At the check out, I was SHOCKED to find that my total was $124! Yikes!!! Although, I did walk away with more coupon for the deli than I know what to do with.

Gas went up by 10 cents yesterday at the station. Totally nutty.

With the staples of life becoming so expensive, there are somethings that are becoming quite the 'bargain.' Like Manolo Blahnik shoes (now marked down at "Needless Markup" because people are cutting back). At about $500 a pair, it used to be the grocery money for us a very long time. Now, it buys us maybe a month worth of groceries. $500 could have bought us gas for nearly four months, and now, just about 2 months. Therefore, those Manolos are becoming quite the 'bargain.'

What is a truly amazing is that $500 can buy TWO cleft surgeries at The Smile Train! I had read and heard so much about this charity and thought this had to be one of the seven wonders of the world! (100% of their donations go toward serving children.) For the cost of some grocery money, some gas money, or a pair of shoes (that are always too narrow for my feet anyway- although I would still love to be able to wear them...) TWO kids could have their lives changed FOREVER. The fact they would be able to eat without getting things up their noses, speak with proper phonation, is AWESOME! I urge you all, to give to this amazing charity- you don't have to buy an entire surgery either, you could buy half a surgery, or contribute whatever amount you are able!

Then, it occurred to me, that the cost of my Board Exam would have bought surgeries for EIGHT kids was totally shocking, and that, I better pass. If not for me, for those kids!

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Finally...

So I have been stalking Aidan with my camera, in hopes of catching a snippet of his singing. It is as if he has a third sense, that there is a camera present, he would sing very quietly, and then just hum. Sneaky. I had to do any reasonable blogger would do for the sake of keeping a record: I bribed him. I said, "Aidan, I will give you a piece of chocolate if you will sing "Once Again" for me." He quickly stood up, and sang the chorus, but when I tried to get him to sing the whole thing, he stopped being cooperative, as if that would have needed a payment of FIVE pieces of chocolate. Well, I will take what I can get, and here it is.

Now, sometimes, I worry a little bit, that Aidan's singing is somewhat (or entirely) out of tune, and believe it or not, I was really concerned when I dated Hubby that he wasn't particularly musical. I know, I know, I am a music snob. Since I am blessed with the gift of perfect pitch and did spend so much of my childhood practicing the piano and violin, and then studied voice in college, I just somehow, thought, that I would marry someone who is equally musical. I realize this is frivolous, and thankfully, I came to my senses. Because, musical abilities do not correlate with godliness, or good husband/father traits. Anyway, I am hoping, that with age, and some music lessons, Aidan will be able to carry a tune. At the same time, even if Aidan's singing stays the way it is, it is one of the sweetest things to hear! (On the other hand, I hope his singing never changes, because it is just so darling.)

While Hubby is not a music maker, he tries so hard to be musical in his own way. For his proposal, he practiced to play my favorite song (back then) on a keyboard, while he was working in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He bought the keyboard off eBay, had it shipped to the hotel, and every week, when he checked in on Monday, the staff got it out of their storage for him. He practiced every evening, in his hotel room, for an hour, and every Friday, he would give it to the hotel staff to keep it for the weekend. For our proposal, he arranged for a limo to pick me up at the Grand Rapids airport, while he dressed in a tux, and waited for me at the chapel of Calvin College (which was fortuitously set up for a wedding for the next day) and played Twila Paris' song, "A Heart that Waits." It was beautiful. Then he asked me to marry him. It was AMAZING.

I said yes, then he gave me a fake ring. Apparently, the ring was custom made and it was still in transit. Hubby, being the one who is always prepared, had gotten a toy ring, just in case. The sad thing was, I didn't even know it was a plastic ring. I wore the toy ring for a day, then the real ring came in the mail.


Then, for our honeymoon, Hubby got us tickets to see Vancouver Opera's interpretation of Don Giovanni by Mozart. Vancouver's Opera wasn't very inspiring, and he fell asleep...and I was itching to leave. We left at intermission. Oh well.

Aidan has chosen his instrument: the saxophone. I am not entirely sure if a four year old can play the sax, but I suspect, by the time we get around to it, he will be old enough.

As for Zoe, she is the designated 'music maker' in her class. She now instructs Hubby to turn on the radio to the classical music station when she wakes up in the morning. We will see what she turns out to be like musically. Maybe she will turn an apple into a flute or something.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Preparing

I am now narrowing my studies to my weaknesses. Apparently, after all these years of biostatistics and epidemiology stuff, I still know very little about it. I will blame it on the mini course that I had as a medical student- it was a very brief interlude in the midst of massive information of pathology that needed to be gleaned, and somehow, I gave myself a mind block on this subject. And every time I look at this, I marvel at friends who are studying or studied Masters of Public Health and Epidemiology. Seriously, this stuff is beyond me. Nonetheless, I must learn the significance of p values, F values, Z values, 1-beta, beta, blah, blah, blah.

I am also reviewing the old exams in excruciating detail. Blah.

Along with the preparations for the content of the exam, I am also preparing for it tactically. The map directions have been printed out, the exam confirmed at the testing center in San Jose. I have decided to wear socks, and definitely dress in layers. I will pack cough drops, in case I have a coughing fit. I also have a new allergy-care regimen: steroid nasal sprays twice a day, and daily claritin, although I won't take claritin on Friday, just in case it makes me sleepy (it never has in the past, but you know, it might.) I am even yelping to see where I can get lunch: I really want a warm lunch, something cozy, but not soporific. As for breakfast, I am thinking eggs on toast, and something high in iron and vitamin C: supposedly, helps with memory. I will listen to Mozart on my long drive down to San Jose. I think I have my bases covered.

In a way, this exam is weird for me, because I am simply aiming to pass. There is no reason, other than for my own edification, to aim to get a 'high' score. Unlike the SAT, MCAT, and USMLE, there is no concrete benefit of passing with a large margin. It isn't like my patients ask me how I did on boards. Hospital privileges are not contingent on an "A" either. A totally different way about thinking of this exam.

Anyway, on a non-test related thought, a good friend from college is starting the process of adopting from China! We know her well, and we also know her husband well- actually, Hubby and I set them up on a blind date seven years ago! Anyway, they are so sweet, kind, gentle, godly, and fun! That will be a lucky little girl who will get to call them Mommy and Daddy. AND! We are tentatively planning on going to China with them, in about three years! Aidan will be 7, and Zoe will be 4, perfect for an exotic trip abroad!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Stubborn Kids

So I think I have two very stubborn kids. I won't even deny it, I am stubborn. Hubby's father says that Hubby is stubborn, but I think, between the two of us, I am the stubborn one. No doubt that with two stubborn parents, A&Z are blessed with the gift of persistence.

I remember sleep training Aidan when he was an infant- and there were HOURS of hearing him howl. There were many 'naps' when he just screamed for the entire hour. There were also evening times when he cried, cried, and cried some more. Just as I thought he was winding down, he was only slowing down to catch his breathe to pick it up again. For about two months, every evening after we ate dinner outside, I would make a run outside the house. I went to Target, Costco, the mall, wherever, for about an hour to 90 minutes, and would only return after Hubby called to let me know that the screams had stopped. It was absolutely horrid. Still, we wore him down, and showed him who were in charge. Thankfully, sleep is no longer a battle with him. Now, there are other things to be stubborn about, like playing with Legos. Of course, being stubborn has its benefits- Aidan is incredibly adapt at making Lego stuff, following instructions, and really loves the Technic line of merchandise that are meant for 10 year olds.

Zoe, on the other hand, didn't fight with us about going to sleep, but she fought about wanting to snuggle and nurse. The more I nursed her in the middle of the night, the more she woke up. After cutting her off, she also screamed for weeks- so I slept in the car. Even now, she likes to wake up a little earlier each day, and eventually, get up at 5:30. We would then crack down, and let her cry, until she went back to sleep to about 7 am. Then the cycled would start all over again. Good grief. She knows what she wants and is very persistent about getting that specific Lego piece/pen/paper/snack. She is also planning a war about going to Sunday School. The little girl has been a screaming banshee whenever we take her there, so much so that she makes other kids cry. I am not sure how I can wear her down, since, well, I am not the one who has to sit there and listen to her cry...

I am also very stubborn, still. These days, as I work through the old exam questions, of course, I keep a tally of I am doing. Comparing to what I did as a senior resident, I have already improved so much. In a way, actually, shameful how badly I did. Nonetheless, it is driving me nutty, that I can't seem to get all of them right, or even 90% of them right. Must persevere... Four more study days!