Crazy Talk

I think it is crazy talk that we are wrapping up 2009. It is obscenely crazy to talk about how we are wrapping up the decade.

On one hand, there is so much that I want/need to do; on the other hand, so much has already happened. In the spirit of counting down to the New Year, here is my count down.

10. Hubby and I are married for almost 10 years! (minus 3 months)
9. My ideal bed time, which never happens.
8. Zoe's current shoe size.
7. My current shoe size. 1 full size less than 10 years ago.
6. My parents now have 6 kids: Welcome to the family, Wendy and Simon!
5. 5 loads of laundry per week.
4. 4 orders of shrimp dumplings Aidan can eat at a dim sum lunch.
3. 3 years out of residency. And that many jobs too.
2. 2 very cute kids.
1. 1 adopted cat.

As we rang in 2000, Hubby and I were engaged still, and well, with all the worries over ushering in a new millineum, we had decided that he would simply spend the night at my parents' home instead of driving 26 miles back to his parents' home. My brother was not at home then (where was he, actually?!) and my sister and I spent a quiet evening with my-then-fiance. My parents came home from their church activities and were surprised that he was asleep in my brother's bed because nothing dangerous had actually happened. My mom, in particular, was very worried about "He might wake up in the middle of the night and DO something to you, that HE SHOULD NOT BE DOING." (BTW, my sister and I shared a room!) Thus, she wanted him to just go home! Anyway, back then, I thought life would be perfect if I no longer had my worried parents looking over me.

10 years later, I am now a worried mother. Don't do this, don't do that, stop this, why on earth would you think it is ok to do xyz...

Yup, a lot had happened. Just this week, I am seeing how BIG A&Z have gotten, how they are blossoming, and becoming more and more like us (yes, another reason why I am worried!)

2010 will be exciting, I am sure. There will be more newly acquired skills for the kids (self bathing kids, maybe?!) more chaos, and more joy. I am inspired to have simply one resolution: I am going to read through the Bible cover to cover again. (The last time I was able to do this was when I was in college!) It is time to do this, so that I can experience God all the more! Who wants to do this with me?

Holiday Wrap Up

Aidan and Zoe are both off from school this entire week- first time, ever, since they were born! I am, thus, playing the role of a stay-at-home mom, and it has been fun, actually. So much so that there are times I look at them longingly and wonder if this is an accurate depiction of life when Obamacare kicks in and I quit my day job. Usually, at the exact moment, the children so something totally NUTTY and I quickly decide that if Obamacare kicks in, I will just have to work my way around the regulations- by not taking any kind of insurance whatsoever. But that is another post for another day.

We have had a lot of fun this Christmas. The light at the end of this tunnel, before it takes a deep, dark turn, is becoming brighter. It is true, the magical age is 3 and 6 for families with two kids: this is the time that they start to play together, fight with each other, and basically, need me less, (or more, depending how one interprets the situation!) Aidan and Zoe LOVED Christmas, and Hubby and I are so thankful for all that we have been given/entrusted.

Here are some quick photos to update y'all.

I baked, and baked, AND BAKED, to make these: They were filled with brioche rolls, marshmellows, and red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting (packaged separately in charming Whole Foods take out containers.)


Aidan is very good at ice-skating. BTW, ice-skating at Union Square in SF is a rip off ($49 for four of us, for 90 minutes?!) I am clearly in the wrong career. Should have cordoned off large areas of land in the middle of the city- why wasn't I alive about 200 years ago?!



We have also adopted a cat! I know, totally unlike us. I didn't grow up with pets, and thus, have no need for pets. Hubby grew up with a ginormous Rottweiler and only wants dogs as pets. Our agreement is when we live on an acre of land, with ample space for the canine, we can get a dog. (This will probably happen in June of NEVER, since we will NEVER move to a place where we can afford an acre- all the money we have are taken hostage by ice-skating rinks!)

I have, however, house sat for two families as a college student, and both families had cats. There was Professor H's Bingo, and Professor A 's Grandall. Bingo was an indoor/outdoor dual purpose feline: every morning, I opened the screen door and asked him, "Bingo, you want to go out?" I made him stay out, unless he meowed and told me otherwise, until my bedtime, when I yelled, "Bingo! COME IN!" I dutifully emptied his litter box, and while I don't remember this, I must have fed him daily too. There was an evening when we heard HOWLING in the yard, and saw Bingo duke it out with some lizards...

Grandall, on the other hand, was an indoor cat who lived to eat. I remember distinctly feeding him one can of wet food and 1/3 cup of dry food. We almost lost him the day before Professor A returned- he RAN out to the street! Esther and I CHASED him down. When Professor A came back, her husband, the other Professor A remarked that Grandall was so trim...(apparently, because I 'withheld' food and only fed him what I was told to do!)

How I managed to live with cats all summer is now an interesting fact. Was I allergic to cats then? Or did I just suck it up because living with cats = no rent?

When we bought our current residence, the sellers had sheepishly told us that they had been feeding a cat in the neighborhood and asked that we be kind to this cat. They had arranged it with some other neighbors to feed this cat. Hubby and I said, "Ok, no problem. Leave the cat alone = Get your beautiful house. Awesome." For the last two months, we would see this really LARGE cat wandering around, and we waved to the cat, and cat left us alone. Then last week, the neighbors who had been feeding the cat came by to see if we would feed the cat when they went on vacation. We said, "Sure!"

Surely enough, on Sunday morning, this cat was by our patio door. Waiting. I RAN and got the food, I fed him Grandall's portion: 1 can + 1/3 cup kibbles. The cat ate it, and stared at me for more.

Quickly, I facebooked the sellers for more info about this cat, mainly, name, gender, appropriate portions, and of course: Where did this cat come from?!

Turns out, Moose is his name. He belongs to Camille, who had found him under some bushes about seven years ago. Camille had to move away a few months prior to us moving in and couldn't take the cat. Moose refused to go with Camille's daughter. The sellers of our house offered to keep feeding this cat. And now, Moose is one of us.

We are trying to make Moose comfortable, he has a cat condo, we are putting him on a diet to prolong his life, and while he will remain an outdoor-only cat, we will do our best to love him.

Aidan and Zoe are thrilled that we have a pet!

The Christmas Race

I break out our Christmas bins the day after Thanksgiving every year, and then it is off to the Christmas race. Most of December is a blur of shopping, standing in line, wrapping, planning, collecting... It always seemed like a good idea to make home made things for our relatives, until the week of Christmas, when I actually have to do something about it.

When will I smarten up?!

Meanwhile, life goes on, of homework, laundry, food prep, work...

Hubby decided to take the children on an adventure so that I could go to the bank, Trader Joe's, a Chinese grocery store, and a crafts store. We RACED to the train station- the train was coming as Hubby ran to buy tickets, and I dragged Zoe up the ramp, and shoved them in the train. I then went to all four destinations in less than 100 minutes, while they went to SFO, I picked them up at the international terminal, came home, made lunch, served lunch, and then cleaned up lunch.

I went on and on and on with Aidan earlier today, about how much work is involved in the planning, making, serving, and cleaning of meals, of the washing, drying, and folding of laundry. He looked at me and said, "I know, that is what Mommy is suppose to do!" Touche. Indeed, my calling is that: To serve these kids... How I resist that so often! Thankfully, the Prefect One, whose birth we will celebrate in five days, died on the cross for this too!

K

Two weeks ago, one of my oldest and sweetest friends, K, sent me an e mail about some bad news. That evening, I shooed the kids away, and called her. She cried and I cried. The she laughed and I laughed.

Hubby and I talked about the situation, and it was determined that if a chance arose, I would go see her, no matter what.

The opportunity came, and I booked my flight. In the darkest moments before dawn, I crept out of the house and climbed into my car, which had already been parked on the street- I dared not wake up the children by opening up the garage- and drove to the airport. I promptly got lost on my way to the airport- absolutely no clue how I did this. For my real life friends, this airport I went to involved using a bridge, and somehow, I missed my exit, and kept going, and then I ended up driving through some SKETCHY places...

I got to see K, and her family. While I was ecstatic about a little boy that is growing in her, we were also devastated by her mom's illness. To experience the extremes of joy and sorrow, at the same time, was just overwhelming. Sweet K does read this blog, and thus, My Sweet K, big hugs for you again.

We met in college- in the dinning hall, about the first week of school. I had some how drew into this dorm by my lonesome- all my other friends had drew into a different dorm across the courtyard, I know, I know, SO far away. I had gone to the dinning hall by myself and was determined to make new friends. Somehow I sat with K and some other women, and I started to tell them why poop is brown. (Totally, charming.) From then on, we started to hang out more and more. Our gang consisted of K, me, and L. (L lives close by and will actually be going to Aidan's 'Holiday' sing along with us this Thursday!) We were as different as night and day, yet the three of us grew closer and closer. We even took a trip to Maui before my senior year! After I graduated, K and I would meet each other whenever we could. She met me in NY, PA, and I only wished I could have met her in Quebec- but alas, multiple deaths in my family that winter prevented me from making the trip. But I also think, that prior to K and L, I was too closed off, and to drive six hours to see someone was silly. I am so glad, that God has used K and L, to make me more people-centered, and less practicality-centered.

Pray for K's family, would you? They need it, and I crave it even more for them.

Getting Ready for Christmas

As the children have gotten older, there are a few things we want to teach them about Christmas.
1. Santa is not real. If you know us in real life, and your child goes home to tell you that Aidan said Santa is not real, you can blame us. He has always been told that Santa is fake.
2. Just as we look forward to the birth of Christ, we also wait expectantly to open our earthly Christmas presents. This, is a hard one to master. They like to go shake their presents (forbidden), touch them (again, forbidden), and move them around (definitely forbidden.)
3. Christmas is about sacrifice- actually, if I can have it my way, every lesson would be about sacrificial love. Thus, we are encouraging the children to buy each other a little present. Aidan was SO happy to go on a special expedition with me last Friday. He was absolutely giddy. For some reason, he really wanted to get Zoe some PetShop goodies. Then, on Saturday, we too the children to the mall to finish their Christmas shopping. Let's just say that it is weird to go to the mall together and keep exchanging children. Zoe really wanted some pink scissors from the Sanrio store, and took off running back to the store with tears streaming down her chubby cheeks when she realized her bag was empty. At least the girl has a built-in compass- she ran in the right direction. So I forked over the goodie.


As for me, I am realizing a few things about myself.
1. Gift wrapping is just not my forte. Every year, I make the resolution to be like Martha Stewart in my packaging of goodies. I buy the ribbons, the papers, the tissues. But when it comes down to it, I lose all steam. I think: "This is SO NOT green, all this beautiful paper to be ripped apart, and the beautiful satin ribbons, to be thrown away, WHY bother?" I also tend to wrap my gifts too early, then they sit under the tree and gather dust and sap...
2. We have this delusional idea that our friends and family will appreciate us postponing our annual photo card until Easter- we do it because we are too busy in December, and then, well, we forget to do it in the spring, and thus, I think we have been written off by most of our friends. Only the faithful few have continued to send cards to the Great Abyss, I mean, our household.
3. I don't understand this: Nearly everyone I know is baking something for Christmas. I have heard about these 'cookie exchanges' a few of my patients have mentioned to me recently. These people bake 15 DOZENS of cookies, go to some gathering, and come home with 15 DOZENS of different kind of cookies. WHO can humanly eat 15 dozens of cookies? Seriously. If we don't eat like that January through November, why would we want to in December?! (So that we can go buy exercise gear in January? Seriously.)

Nonetheless, our tree is lit, the gifts are wrapped (and the children are getting equal number of gifts- I triple checked), mostly with ribbons. And I have grand plans of doing some baking of my own. To my credit, I will be making bread, because, bread can be whole wheat, and thus, SO much better for you. Let's see if my relatives actually will eat the bread I plan on making. =)

A Fine Line

I wrote about giving some advice to a couple regarding their TV a few days ago. Then I thought about the fine line of remaining a neutral therapist vs. giving advice.

Clearly, people come to see me because they need help. Often times, they are severely depressed and can't get their circumstances to work for them. Other times, they have some deep seated issues that is making them unable to deal with the lives they are given to live.

But do they need me to tell them to give up their TV?

Or, another couple asked me for my advice about how to deal with a child's interest in parental nudity.

I mean, they can look these things up on the internet, right? Why are they asking me?

Just to be clear, I really like giving advice. (Is that a surprise?)

However, I also know the utility of these sessions isn't about giving them information ALL the time.

In the case of the nudity question, after exploring WHY they are asking me, WHAT they want to do, WHY aren't they doing that, and all, the real issues and fears finally came up, and it was really about their own experiences as children, and how they want her to have a different experience.

In the case of the TV, it was really about avoidance.

Of course, after discussing the real issues, I will give some advice. Freud is probably rolling over in his grave...

And just to be clear, there are times when advice giving is absolutely contraindicated...

BTW, it would appear as though my children no longer pose for photos, but that is not the case. Hubby has photos of them. I just don't know where my camera went after the move. Isn't that ironic? A photographer's wife doesn't know where her camera is. Just like the dentist's kids have the worst teeth.

Camp

I have been working with this couple in therapy for quite some time. They are a delight to work with- they come as they are, they bicker in session the way they do at home, they are willing to be vulnerable, to not be defensive, and in a lot of ways, they are just like me.

I like it when my patients are just like me. I identify with their problems, joys and sorrows. However, it also makes it difficult to remain completely neutral.

Like when I see them at soccer.

This particular couple have children, just about as old as A&Z are. They know this, because they have seen me RUN to the potty with Zoe during Aidan's soccer practice.

Today, towards the end of our session, somehow, I suggested that they might want to consider getting rid of cable. I suggested that because the theme in treatment revolved around not having enough time and feeling overwhelmed.

These two issues: not having enough time and feeling overwhelmed, are well known to me! I live that! A practical for Hubby and I to solve this prevailing problem in our society is to not watch TV. Truthfully, we used to have cable, when it came with my med school dorm and then later, our first apartment. However, from those two years, I knew what a time suck TV can be. During my second year of school, I used to watch The Titanic ALL the time. I bet I could have really mastered immunology had I not been watching all that TV- you see, the complement system is still beyond me, thankfully, that topic has NEVER come up in my practice.

Anyway, since moving to California, we didn't want to spend our own hard earned, post tax money on cable. Thus, A&Z only get to watch cable when we are in hotels, or when they go to other people's houses. Aidan had a play date about a month ago, that when I went to pick him up, Edith asked me, "You don't have TV at home, do you? That is all he wanted to do!" Yup, that is my child. To be clear, Aidan does watch some programs, whatever we can get on Netflix, mainly, SpongeBob Squarepants. However, not having traditional TV and cable in our home has really minimized the begging for junk food, nagging for more plastic stuff, and all that.

To not be sucked into sitting on the couch nightly is truly how this household can function. I get so much done in the evenings!

Of course then, I realize my house is like camp. There is a schedule to everything, and when the camp schedule isn't followed closely, we run into problems. For instance, this camp works best when I shower first in the morning, and Hubby showers while the kids and I eat breakfast, and then he gobbles something down while the kids put on shoes. This morning, we deviated from the plan! GASP. Hubby ATE breakfast with the kids, then got ready! THE HORROR!!! Fun was had by everyone, but this mother wasn't able to load herself in the car at 8:45. She finally got in the car at 8:49! THE HORROR.

Like I said, I belong to camp life.

Perhaps I am a bit of an extreme, but trust me, getting rid of your cable and having a schedule will help you. With kids or without.

p.s. I should also come clean, that when the Olympics, world skating championships, and like are on, I REALLY miss not having TV stations... but still, the other times, I don't even think about it.