LASIK

Once upon a time, when I was young and dumb, I wanted to wear glasses. All my favorite people wore them: My mom, my dad, my brother, my teachers.

Oh, to be young and so stupid.

In 7th grade, when I was really given glasses to wear, for the first few weeks, I kept forgetting them at home. My mom had to bring them to school for me, eventually, she made a sign by the front door: DO YOU HAVE YOUR GLASSES?

I moved on to contacts by 10th grade, thank the Lord. Over the years, my right eye kept getting worse, and my left eye maintained its sight relatively well. Eventually, I met 'medical necessity' due to the drastic difference between the two eyes, which meant, I could get either glasses or contacts, for free, every year. Still, in my new found older age and relative wisdom, I preferred to go all natural, sans glasses, whether on my nearly non-existent nasal bridge, or on my eye balls.

So I had Lasik done last week. The plan was that I would go and get it done, then call Hubby to take me home for a valium-induced nap. Alas, the surgeon's schedule fell behind, and by the time Hubby came for me, I was still in glasses. Boy, was I thankful that the surgeon was delayed. Due to my 'small palpebral fissures', it was a bit challenging to get my eyeballs totally flat and ready for the laser. (What was the surgeon thinking? Didn't he see that I am Asian?! Of course I have small eyes!) There were moments, when the suction cups came to my eye balls, that I was thinking, "giving birth without an epidural was better than this." It was better, because I had actually seen women give birth sans pain management, therefore, when I had to do it, unexpectedly, it wasn't so terrible.

As for eyes, my two weeks of ophthalmology rotation as a fourth year boiled down to three points:
1. I saw a lot of people with bad eyes due to high blood pressure or diabetes.
2. I was coughing on my patients for about a week, and I actually got sent home, so I actually did not have a 'two week' rotation in ophthalmology.
3. I really know nothing about eyes.
A totally useless experience for my own Lasik procedure.

Due to the difficulty with my small palpebral fissures, it was difficult to flip my cornea for the laser... so my poor eyes endured some 'bruising'. Dear God, my eyes HURT. It was like someone poured a WHOLE CUP of sand in each of the eyes, and then stomped on them.

The valium didn't really help. I was rather intrigued about taking some valium- people seek out this substance all the time, they run out early, 'lose them', and frankly, I wanted to know what the big deal was. I was utterly unimpressed. The valium did help me to go to sleep, but before I fell asleep, I was rather anxious! Probably didn't help that my eyes were tearing like two ginormous waterfalls, and I couldn't open them! So I heard thumping noises in my ears- probably my own heart rate, or someone really stomping on my eyes.

Anyway, I woke up four hours later, with excellent vision. Although, A&Z kept asking, "What happened to your EYES?" I told them, "I am secretly a dragon, just getting ready for Chinese New Year's." They didn't believe me.

These days, I still look for my glasses, out of habit, only to then remember, oh yeah, I did pay someone handsomely for lasering my eyes. I don't need glasses anymore.