Offspringitis

This blog is dying, ever so slowly, but it is dying. I mean, there hasn't been a picture here in ages, and the last I posted was 3 weeks ago! What is the cause of this deterioration? I think it is offspringitis.

The disease has an insidious onset, with symptoms in all spheres of the biopsychosocial model. Biologically, it typically beings with weight changes, either weight gain or loss, likely due to either not having time to eat, or becoming the human garbage can. Alopecia is also likely. Overall, one's physical health takes a dive. Psychologically, one becomes emotional, irritable, much less patient than one ever thought possible, yet enthusiastic, alternating with exhaustion. Mood reactivity is a good description. Finally, socially, the symptoms include either utter isolation, or becoming overly scheduled and extroverted. The social symptoms are rather polarized. One gets into either the tiger mom group or the lazy mom group, either the working group, or the stay-at-home group. And no matter what you do, you feel off socially.

How this is playing out in my life is that I am trying to not be a human trash can, I am trying to eat, and I am keenly aware that when I eat too fast, which is always the case (did I tell you that I can eat a whole hot dog while riding the elevator from 1st floor to the 12th floor, without the elevator ever stopping?) My reflux is returning because I eat too much too fast. Blergh. I am totally losing hair, and causing clogged drains because of that. On the upside, I am trying to exercise regularly. Psychologically, Aidan and Zoe make me want to hug them to death one moment, and five seconds later as Aidan teases Zoe, "I am going to pour this water over your head!"I want to send them to boarding school. Socially, I am Just. So. Busy. SO. BUSY. SOOOO. BUUUSYYYY.

My schedule with the kids:

Monday, get to work at 8:30, work until 3:50. Get Zoe, take her home for speech therapy, leave her at home with therapist, get Aidan at 4:30, bring him home. Supervise homework, if any. Say goodbye to therapist at 5. Get one child to practice piano, make dinner, get the other child to play the piano. Yell about wrong notes, bad rhythm, off-kilter tempo. Dinner is at 6... Practice piano myself. Bath. Bed for the kids.

Tuesday, get to work at 8:30, work until 4:30. Get Zoe, take Zoe to Kumon, where Aidan is already at, (many, many, thanks to Grandpa.) Leave the kids there. Go home to make dinner. Hubby picks up the kids at 5:30. Get someone to play the piano. Dinner is at 6. Put away dinner, get the other child to play the piano. Bath. Bed for the kids.

Wednesday, get to work at 8:30, work until 3:50. Get Aidan, get Zoe, take them ice-skating. At 5:15, take Aidan home, leave Zoe there for her lesson. Get Aidan to practice piano. Hubby brings Zoe home at 6. Dinner. Bath. Bed the kids. (That's right, Zoe skips piano on Wednesdays.)

Thursdays, take kids to school. Volunteer at Aidan's school. Exercise. Errands. Lunch with Hubby. More errands. Pick up kids at 4:30. Home. Piano. Make dinner, eat dinner. Bath. Bed the kids.

Fridays, get to work at 8:30, leave at 2:30, pick Aidan up, take him to ice hockey league, go exercise. Pick Zoe up at 4:30. Go home with Zoe, make her practice piano. Hubby brings Aidan home at 6. Dinner. Bath. Bed the kids. (Aidan skips piano on Fridays.)

Oh My. I am tired. What is a parent to do when one has chronic offspringitis? Say no to their love of ice skating? Love of work sheets at Kumon? Love of piano? (For now, they really like all those things. Seriously. I tell them this when they have bad attitude about piano, "we are just not going to do it anymore. Mommy wants to play herself." It makes them CRY. CRY. Then they come and apologize for bad attitude and beg to play.) That's right, I am the grand puppetier.

For the record, they do play, in between, you know. When one is playing the piano, the other is really just playing and hanging out. By hanging out, I mean, reading the finest literature ever.

One more symptom of offspringitis is denial, by the way.