Updates

Now that I am not in an office with internet access, and also without any meaningful breaks during the day, I am just not able to write very much. With the breaks that I do have, I like to lie down on my couch, and take a nap.

Hubby thinks I am a Cylon, because I have this uncanny ability to fall asleep and wake up at the instant that I need to. For example, I fell asleep on my couch at 12:35 today, and woke up 12:59, just in time to get my 1:00 patient. Of course, I should get a mirror for my office, to check for drool marks, pillow prints...etc.

I love my couch. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking, "This person sure doesn't look like he is enjoying the couch very much, I should tell him to move over and let me lie down on it." Of course, I stop myself, because to hear one's psychiatrist say that would just be WEIRD.

Now that I have been in this position for 3 weeks, I am happy to report that I am ok with the change in my employment. Working for myself has been interesting- since there is no longer "those people" to blame for inefficiency, lost lab papers...etc. It is just me.

We have also switched to a new schedule for A&Z. We now have swimming lessons for Aidan twice a week at 5 pm, and Zoe and I go for a swim at the same time. What I have learned thus far? 40 minutes is a very long time to occupy a toddler who just likes to get out of the pool and jump back in. Aidan is doing great in these lessons. He no longer complains about them, perhaps he is really ready for this on his own terms. On Wednesdays, I pick them up by 3:30, we go for a snack and do some 'special errands' together, like buying rice. It is amazingly freeing, to never be at work at 5 pm. My question remains- how do full time working moms work until 5?!

Aidan's class had a hop-a-thon to raise money for some charity. What is awesome is that Aidan hopped 100 times. The most in his class! He was SO very happy that he 'won.' He has a competitive streak in him, and what can I say, that is a dominant gene around here. =) He also tells jokes, like "Go ahead, Daddy, knock yourself out" and, "This is what I am talking about!" after we give him a huge serving of his favorite noodles.

Zoe knocked over a cup of milk this evening at dinner, and while we were admonishing her about this, since she knocked it over as she was standing up in her chair and waving her arms like crazy, she vehemently denied that she did it. She tried to blame it on Aidan!!! Never mind that we all saw what happened and she REFUSED to say that she is sorry, and also ADAMANT that she did NOT spill the milk. On my!

Competitive am I

I am a competitive person. I am. There is no doubt about that. This trait has served me well- for instance, it takes some competitive instinct to be premed after all. There has also been times when I have fallen because of this, like losing it while playing racquetball with good friends.

My ability to avoid competition is also a good trait to have. While Hubby is wonderful and all, I also married him because he wasn't ever going to be a doctor. (I did go to school with people who actually met and MARRIED each other, and I often wondered how could they study together day and night, take the same exams, and if the scores were ever discussed?!)

As a fourth year resident, competition was a BIG topic, as we were all looking for the same jobs. Despite what people said, "There are plenty of jobs, you will all find what you need." I didn't believe them, and it was hard that year, to see my good friends, wanting them to find positions that would suit them well, but always wondered, what if I also wanted this or that?

Anyway, since becoming a 'real' doctor, my only competition is myself these days at work, and that is a good thing. However, every year, A&Z's school have this fund raiser, with a silent auction, and it is always, very, very difficult for me.

Our strategy has always been the same. We buy our bids to attend, we show up, and we try to buy Aidan's class project (unless it is heinously ugly, then we buy another class project.) Through the last few years, we have acquired a little bench (and Aidan's baby thumb print was made into a lady bug), a tiny toddler rocking chair, a little desk and chair, and a really cool lamp. Last year, we had also wanted to get Zoe's class project, which was a little decorative bird house, and her baby finger prints made a sunflower. Usually, a few families from our center would attend this event at the Ritz Carlton, and since we didn't see anyone else from Z's class, we figured we could take this home for about $100, no problem. Alas, ten minutes before the auction ended, I saw that another family had bid on this, IN ABSENTIA. (I hate to admit it, it felt like the world was about to end.) In discussing with the teacher who was bidding for this family, we quickly realized they were willing to go a WHOLE LOT higher than we had even imagined. So we walked away... I got myself to Michael's and picked up the exact bird house and all the paints and I was determined to make a pirated version. (Let's just say that the bird house is primed, and no further progress has been made...)

Being the competitive person that I am, I called the head coordinator for this event to 'review the rules.' Shockingly, bidding in absentia was totally OK! Unshockingly, of course it would be ok, it is a FUNDRAISER after all. I thought about not going, since if we didn't have to buy the bids, pay for a sitter...etc, we would have more funds to get Zoe's class project this year. In the end, however, I decided that a date night with Hubby would still be so awesome, and I would just shuffle my education charity giving around a bit. In lieu of giving to my alma mater, Scripps College, I was willing to give the entire amount to this fundraiser. When I mentioned my plan to Hubby, he said, "Ok, but I am still planning on giving to Mudd, so that fund is not negotiable." Fine, whatever.

Another family from Zoe's class was there. And thankfully, they had no interest in this really ginormous wind chime. It was a little shocking, however, that the bid for this started at $50. By the end of the week, the 'pre bid' process ended with a bid of $860. (The items are up for pre bid at school, so that families who can't go can have a chance.) EIGHT HUNDRED AND SIXTY DOLLARS, not pesos. While a little disconcerted, I stuck with my plan. My next bid went in as $888, I figured, to draw out any other competition.

Ten minutes before the auction ended, I discovered that the SAME family who STOLE the bird house from us last year was AGAIN, bidding IN ABSENTIA!!! They bid $960. Good grief. I continue with the strategy, and in the end, I think, the teacher who was bidding for them, 'was too busy' to continue to bid for this family, and we were able to bring the wind chime home.

As for Aidan's class project, we skipped it. It was an awkwardly shaped toy box that screamed out "finger jammer". He was a little disappointed, but then again, he realized that he, in fact, owned all these other class projects.

Clearly, I am not quite ready to let this go. Remember, I am a competitive person. And it is already bugging me, that NEXT YEAR, Zoe will still be in class with this SAME family. And we will have to do this again. However, I think, now that we have procured one class project for Z, I am going to move on and bid on something else, like a vacation. Maybe, if I went on a vacation, I wouldn't be this competitive.

(I will need to get the Phat Photographer to take a picture of the awesome wind chime to post later.)

Thoughts of Today

Am I raising a girly girl?

It is fascinating to observe the innate differences between Aidan and Zoe. While I pride myself on making an effort to be fairly gender neutral in their toys, eventually, they are simply drawn to what they want to do. Aidan is all about weapons, to my brother's delight, and to my chagrin. Zoe is adapt at wielding a light saber, but also drawn to girly girl stuff, like beads, necklaces...etc. She is also much more vocal about what she wants to wear. At the store, she will tell me if I should not bother buying certain things. Lately, she is in love with a shirt that I bought from Gymboree last year (I buy ahead to save a few bucks.) Interestingly, two other girls from her class has variations of this shirt and it is so cute to see these little girls showing each other their clothes and talk about them!

So I am on the hunt for another piece of clothing in this line. I posted a request for this through the yahoo group of my moms' club, and I was directed to lots of interesting information. Did you know there is a mother out there who chronicles the various lines of Gymboree clothing?! Or that you can search for a specific line via eBay? Totally crazy stuff. I am somewhat sheepish to admit that I am now about to start bidding on a particular pair of leggings from the Candy Shoppe line. (I don't go through this much trouble for my clothes, but for Z, I will do it.)



I am also very pleased to say that I have finally (after SIX years) up my Yamaha 'silent' piano. My mother had bought this piano when we were growing up so that we could practice late into the night. This awesome piano, (though I did not think it was awesome at all back then), can be plugged in to a headset, or a small speaker, and thus, you can play very, very quietly, or wear the headset, and no one else can hear you! (Yes, my sister and I played this thing at 11 pm sometimes...) Anyway, we 'purchased' the piano from my parents at a very 'special price' when we moved back and somehow, I just never plugged it all in. Then we moved, and the piano got moved two more times after that, and I just never had time to play. However, when my mom shipped me all those piano books from my youth, I could not resist. (Hello Mozart's piano variations! He is absolutely a genius!) Basically, I am playing again. And as I was playing the other night, I was giving myself a little panic attack:
If I start Aidan on piano lessons, he will have to practice for about 1/2 hour nightly, and he would learn so much better if I practiced with him. Where would I find the time?! We get home around 5, we eat at 6, we take a bath at 7, we do stories at 7:30 and bedtime is at 8. How would I find time to sit with him? Do we give up normal activities for a 5 year old, you know, like playing with toys? Relaxing? Thinking? And sleeping?! I guess I could work less, and get home by 4. But by the time he is in kindergarten, his Chinese school runs until 4. Thus, I am seriously considering NOT starting him with music lessons in the near future. Or I need to learn how to "beam me up!" We will see.

Just Weird

Hubby and I have been discussing what to do with our money, whatever we have left over after paying Uncle Sam, childcare, student loans, mortgage, and of course, feeding of these two cute kids.

Allow me for a tangent- one of the things I am REALLY looking forward to as a part time worker is to have more time to cook food. I know, I can probably work more and pay for the food and help the economy that way, but nope. Instead, I am decreasing my contribution to society, and making my own pizzas from scratch. Starting with flour, yeast, olive oil. Aidan LOVES this pizza and Zoe will eat it too (unlike the stuff we get delivered.) I figure that I am saving money, after investing in a pizza stone, buying the freshest ingredients. If only I have the energy to make my own pizza sauce that so that I can save a dollar. Maybe next time.


Anyway, so I find it kind of weird (to put it mildly) and to put it frankly, ridiculous, that President Obama is telling Americans to go buy a car, a house, to refinance, whatever, to spend money. HELLO! We are in this mess because we spend beyond our means, and we keep thinking we can use our homes as ATM machines, and people just want more and more money. While I understand that there has to be money spent for this economy to recover, however, fundamentally, those people who can afford things are already buying them. His encouragement isn't necessary and perhaps can even be the justification for people who don't have money to spend money. Just weird, is all I am saying.

BTW, the op-ed section in The Wall Street Journal has been awesome these past few days. There was one about the tax code needs to be simplified, another about the ridiculousness of the Obama administration wanting to regulate venture capital funds, and so much more. If anything, Obama should encourage people to subscribe to the WSJ to educate themselves about good financial habits.

Back to my original point: What to do about our money? The better question probably is: What are we not doing with our money?
The other day, Aidan wanted to hear about our first date while I was driving somewhere with him, and it occurred to me that Hubby had picked me up for our first date in the very car that I was driving. Aidan wanted to know how old the car is, if he is older than the car. The car is fourteen years old! (My trusty Volvo is eleven years old.) We are apparently simply refusing to get a new car.

Random Thoughts for Blogging

These days, I visit my bank branch frequently to deposit various checks, and because I am lazy, I rather not be the responsible party to tally up the total of all these checks. Thus, I bring in a pile of these checks and I stand there while I watch the teller diligently add and scan them in. I am not entirely sure that saves me time, but whatever, I get to watch my bank account grow. The bad part of this is that banks are very interested in getting more deposits these days, and every time I go, the teller will try to convince me to
1. Get a new CD- "You get to have 2.5% interest for a 12 month CD!" I am thinking, right, lock my money away, for paltry 2.5%, wow, sign me UP!
2. Move my account- "Why is your branch in New York? You should move it here, I mean, you live here, don't you?" My thoughts: "Are you kidding me? I am NOT about to re-enter all my bill pay information, it has taken me YEARS to get it perfected!"
3. Sign up for a new savings account- "You know, your preferred money market account has an interest rate of 0.4%, if you sign up for a new savings account, with $25,000, you can have an interest rate of 2%" I think, "Wow, I have been accruing my interest at 0.4%, you are robbing me BLIND! And where do you suppose I find 'new' money? I would have this new money if I had a better interest rate, and I closed my current account, and brought it in as 'new' money. But I won't do that, see point #2.
4. Sign up for a business account- "Are all these checks for your work? (They take a closer look at my checks.) Oh, you are a doctor. You really should get a business account. I am thinking, "For crying out loud, stop talking to me and just deposit those checks already! And I don't want a business account, I am not interested in shuttling money back and forth (see points #1 and #2 and #3) and please, just leave my perfected system alone!"
Every week, I hear about these four points. I must hold strong and not give in.

This is not really about banking anymore, but it is rather humorous.

Remember how I wrote about bumping into a patient at the gym? Well, I arrived at my gym this morning and got dressed to go use the pool, and who else was there? Yup. That sweet young woman. She saw me in the shower and said hi, and I wondered if she saw me buck naked getting into my suit. Then, she hopped in the pool, and by the time I showed up, all the lanes for laps were occupied by two swimmers. She kindly stopped and asked I wanted to share her lane and that we would do circles. There we were, sharing a lane, and boy, she swam FAST. She had told me about her swimming routine and it was actually quite neat to see that in action. After 1/2 hour, I was totally done and I knew she had another 1/2 hour to go. I waited for her and said bye. Then, she said, "I was actually going to call you to confirm our next appointment, can you give me a call and let me know when that is?" I didn't mind, and that is a good thing, because apparently, our swim schedules are exactly the same. I will be seeing her there, every Tuesday and Thursday! I have a new swim buddy.

As for Aidan and Zoe, they are two different people with two agendas. As soon as we pull into the garage, Zoe is flapping her arms and asks to go see ducks. Aidan is busily dashing into the house to play with Lego. What is a mother to do? Yesterday, I took Zoe to see the ducks while Aidan was home. However, even though I was not far from the house, I didn't hear him scream for me. By the time we got back, he had put on his shoes and was running out the house, without his pants on, with tears flowing down his face. Apparently, he was freaked that I had left him FOREVER and that the smoke alarm was going to go off and the house was going to be engulfed in flames. (The smoke alarm went off a few nights ago when I made tempura shrimp.) It was very, very, sad.

Today, we established a new rule: They will take turns making decisions about the activity before dinner and whatever the decider picks is what goes. No discussions. We will see how long this mother lasts...

CLOSED

I can't believe this, or can I?
Today is day #3 in my career as a solo practitioner, and I am making changes to my practice.
Last night, while Hubby said that he was deliriously exhausted, I agreed that I was too, and I counted up how many hours I am working this week: 27. He said, "I thought you didn't want more than 24? You gotta say no sometimes."
I woke up this morning and am determined to say NO to new patients. The practice is CLOSED to new patients.
This is going to be hard.
When people call me, they are not doing well (or why would you call a psychiatrist?!) and it makes me sad to turn them away. However, it makes me sadder to be exhausted, with an empty fridge (because there is no time to go to the store).
Say say no. No means no. These will be my mantras.

Last Post from This Office

Alright, the day is here. Finally. I am packing up my office, returning random phone calls, and getting out of here. I do, however, need to find some time today to make it to Loehmann's sample shoe sale- Hello! Kate Spade size 7 shoes, I am coming! Don't go home with anyone else. Hide yourselves behind other boxes!!! (The sale started yesterday, but I just didn't have time to make it to SF to do this.) However, today is the day!

I suspect, that my blogging will decrease some as I will have less idle time sitting around, waiting for the pharmacy, waiting for patients, and waiting for the sweet release of death, once I leave here. As evidenced by the steady decrease in posts since I cut down my time here. Imagine, increased billable productivity...

As I am in a big transition, life is feeling rather unsettled. To summarize, I will make a list.

1. The house has two big holes.
2. The house needs to be painted, since we have primer patches downstairs and random color testing patches all over.
3. Aidan's placement for kindergarten- we heard from the school district office that he did not 'win the lottery' to go to our neighborhood school, nor the year-round school. He is assigned to go to the lowest scoring, farthest school, in our little city. I AM RATHER UPSET ABOUT THIS. Alas, God is in charge, and He has a plan, and it is really 'just' kindergarten.
4. Zoe's placement in the fall- since I will no longer have this work affiliation to receive a discount at the children's daycare, we are hoping to transfer them to a facility in our little city. However, we are not sure if Zoe has a spot for September yet. ARGHHHH. I AM RATHER ANNOYED ABOUT THIS.
5. Thinking and forming a vision for us is exhausting. Since we are in transition, it has been a time for Hubby and I to think about "What Do We Want?" and "What Would Be Good For the Kingdom of God?" These are very exhausting questions. Do we move? Do we think about private schools? And if we move, where to?
6. Also the practical things of life: I need to buy some life insurance for myself, and Hubby's life insurance with AIG should probably get switched to another carrier. Also, we need to do our will and trust.

Basically, it is overwhelming.

On the plus side,
1. Easter is coming! And we can't wait to see our sweet friends, S&A, and C&V.
2. Hubby's blog won some award. I will post the details as soon as I get them.
3. Aidan is thriving, the child just saw his pediatrician, and he is about 70th percentile for height, weight, and basically, staying on his curve, which is great.
4. Zoe is thriving, she did very well with Dr. B. Also staying on her curve, which has been around 50th percentile. And she is learning more words!
5. Hubby's ginormous new computer arrived yesterday... but that only led me to think #5 on the previous list: We need a bigger house, to accommodate all this stuff... ARGHHHH!

Anyway, I should go pack. Do the next thing.