Tuesday, September 04, 2007
We survived my first day back at work, at a new job, actually. After taking six months off for Zoe, my memories of my working self was rather vague- until I showed up at work.
I am now back at the clinic where I trained as a resident- it was like 'coming home', it was all so familiar, yet different, nonetheless, the same. After looking through my case load list, I recognized so many names, either patients I took care of as a resident, or I had heard about from other doctors. And now, they are all mine, and I no longer have the escape clause of, 'I only have to take care of them until the end of residency.' It is now, I am their doctor until they fire me, since I can't imagine quitting anytime soon...
As for the children, Aidan did great at his Owl Room. Zoe, on the other hand, ate all of 2 ounces during my absence of seven hours... She slept for about 2 hours, broken into 4 naps. She hardly cried, however, and made her fair share of dirty diapers. All in all, these events were expected. We will just persevere. However, I am looking at a TOUGH night ahead, I can imagine these scenarios:
A. She is so exhausted, she just sleeps.
B. She is so hungry that she wakes up screaming for food. Do I
a. Feed her and give her the idea that if she doesn't eat during the day, she can eat at night, and erase all the efforts of sleep training
b. Let her cry and show her that she needs to eat during the day.
I am thinking, there is going to be a lot of screaming tonight...
I am so tired. I need to go to sleep now.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Hubby and I survived the last few days, sort of.
We had fun just hanging low in our neighborhood, going to the park, eating with friends, napping, and cleaning up the house. The BEST part of this weekend, was going out to dinner, sans baby. We got the idea from our brilliant friend- and hired our trusty neighbor. Aidan, Hubby, and I went to Hotaru. Hubby even called ahead so we got a table right away. It was a feast! Aidan ate so much, edamame, sashimi, salmon rolls, rice, noodles. Yum. It was so relaxing to go out with one child- no one got cranky, no one cried, nothing was spilled. Best of all, Aidan felt so special, and he was so obedient! It was great.
Tomorrow will be a new game- Aidan and Zoe are both packed- their stuff all appriopriately labelled and ready to go. The plan is to be ready by 7. Then get Aidan ready. All in the car by 8, as I anticipate a very long drop-off process tomorrow, God willing, I aim to get to work by 9:30. I will do some 'work', whatever that will be tomorrow, then pick them up by 4, get to swim class by 4:45, and get home by 5:45. In time to put Zoe to bed. Eat some takeout, that Hubby will pick up, and send Hubby off to his church meeting. Put Aidan to bed, and put myself to bed...
Never mind that due to the room swap, our room and the playroom are both wrecked.
I am exhausted just thinking about this...
Sunday, September 02, 2007
In preparations for sending Zoe to school, I organized all the feeding supplies we used for Aidan and Zoe. They should call us Babies R Us.
We decided to give up on the bottle, since we were getting no where with it, despite many lessons. We moved on to the cup, which Zoe tolerates.
Aidan is busy zooming these days...
And here are the sweethearts,
Saturday, September 01, 2007
It is conclusive now: we know who is the master of this house, the CHILDREN!
We had moved Zoe to the master's bath about 2 weeks ago, on a temporary basis, for sleep training, which by the way, was a success. She had been sleeping soundly with just one feeding for the past few nights. Last night, as Hubby and I went to bed, he asked if I had been sleeping better since the nursery was much darker and quieter than our own room- our bedroom faces East and despite having roller shades, it still is plenty bright early in the morning, and we also have these ducks/geese that have made their home outside our window, and our neighbor likes to listen to the radio early in the morning. I realized that, it was true! I had been sleeping so much better!
We joked about moving into the nursery for good.
Then we decided it was actually a brilliant idea.
So we packed up and swapped rooms.
Zoe will continue to sleep in the pack-n-play in the master's bath, until she is totally done with night time feeding, then, she will be moving into Aidan's room. It will be good for them to have roommates, until mid-latency age, I think. We will probably not even be living in this house anymore, so I won't worry about the evntual sleeping arrangement quite yet.
The master's bedroom will now be the playroom- who needs space in the bedroom anyway, when you are sleeping, you hardly occupy much space. Hubby has a grand plan of sticking his computer stuff into the closet and our goal, is to have that room free of stuff, so that there is lots of room for playing.
It feels really weird to be sharing a bathroom with Aidan... his aim leaves something to be desired.
A reader asked the following question,
"just wondering about the differences pros/cons between hmo and ppo healthcare. and alsoooo, your opinion on whether or not a premium plan is really worth it as compared to a standard medical plan."
I am going to say something that I have always found to be a really annoying answer: it depends.
In general, a HMO plan is great for a young person, without medical problems, because the plan is so much cheaper, and even if one can't have the flexibility of choosing one's physicians, that won't really matter, since a healthy young person will hardly utilize health insurance. And if young people do utilize the services, most likely it will be for birth control, labor and delivery...etc, and those services are usually nearly free within a HMO plan- they are interested in maintaining low risks and therefore prenatal care and birth control are easily accessible.
On the other hand, say you are older and starting to develop chronic illnesses, like hypertension, diabetes...etc, a HMO can still be great, because they offer classes on management of these issues: it is cheaper for an HMO to offer a class to 20 people about management of diabetes, than to have a live person teach 20 people individually. However, say you have a rare disease, like osteosarcoma, you may want to seek the opionion of a super specialist, which then maybe rather difficult within a HMO.
A PPO is great for someone who has a rare illness, or, for someone who needs/likes very individualized treatment. In general, you get more attention through a PPO, and you have a wider selection of providers.
Personally, we utilize a HMO plan- because I am cheap, and also because as a physician, I know enough to navigate through a HMO and get the services we need, it also helps that we are all quite healthy and hardly use the services. However, I hate how long I have to wait for my doctors. I may just have a black cloud about waiting though, because when Hubby takes the children for their appointments, he hardly waits. I, on the other hand, routinely wait for at least 1/2 hour.
As a physician, I prefer to work in a PPO setting: it provides more autonomy, I can steer away patients I don't want (gasp!) and life is more flexible (take on more patients when I can, and take on fewer when I am about to lose my mind.)
As for if a premium plan is worth the money, it also depends: if you have the money, if you need that attention, and if your health demands it.
I would say, for my 'average reader', who are in their 20's and 30's, and overall healthy, save you money for retirement (when you are going to be sick and high maintanance) and stick with a basic plan, and a HMO (if you don't mind being treated like cattle...)
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Hubby had wanted to take Aidan, and perhaps also Zoe, to the zoo today. I did my best to talk him out of it given our day yesterday. As it turned out, it was good that we didn't go anywhere.
Hubby ended up painting the exterior trims of our house- we had replaced our windows MONTHS and MONTHS ago, but left the trims unfinished...until the home owner's association started to hound us about it. They sent us a rather threatening letter last week, so, it was time. Come to think of it, we had placed some of the windows before Aidan was born! I guess three years would be three years too many for the association.
I took Aidan with me to do grocery shopping while Zoe took her first nap. Then, the three of us went to Costco while Hubby finished up the housework. I was exhausted after lunch! I got Zoe to take her second nap of the day, then Aidan tucked me in for my nap. Aidan said to me, "I will check on you later. Do you want something to snuggle with?" I told him I wanted to snuggle with him, and he said, "no, I will get you something." He sounded just like me... Then Hubby tucked Aidan in for his nap. The three of us napped for 2 hours each, while Hubby entertained himself. IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING NAP, EVER.
We spent the rest of the afternoon at a park, watching Aidan dig holes in the sand pit. Then Grandpa came over for dinner.
I like days like today- low key, not really about fun, but so much less stressful.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Every year, Aidan's school is closed for three days before Labor Day, so that all the teachers can attend seminars, get ready for their new class, and in general, gather their minds. This is great for Aidan, in the long run, since he gets to go into a classroom full of HIS stuff, his pictures, his cubby...etc. In the short term though, it is hard work for us.
On Wednesday, I arranged for a play date with two of my friends, and they happened to know one another professionally, so that was really fun. The kids played well together, but Aidan was clearly taking advantage of me...which led to a very sad, and loud, time out for him. He just screamed 'MOMMY' during his entire T.O. Good grief.
Hubby decided to take Thursday and Friday off so that we can have some quality family time together. We got up this morning, sort of refreshed. I had gone to bed at 8 PM last night... Aidan, Zoe and I drove to 'EIEIO' for breakfast. It took a while for Hubby and I to decipher what 'EIEIO! By the firehouse! The library!' was- he was referring to McDonald's, which happened to be a block away from the firehouse and the library. We got a huge breakfast, then Zoe took a short nap, and we headed down to The Discovery Museum. The Discovery Museum was really fun when Aidan was about 1.5 to 3. We had not gone since Zoe was born, and thought we would use it one last time before our membership expired. Aidan had sort of grown out of the Museum, actually, and Zoe was too little to do anything. We left after just an hour. We took the VTA train (which ended up being the high light for Aidan) and got some yummy lunch. However, all this took a long time, and by the time we got in the car, it was 1:42. Zoe fell asleep. Aidan fell asleep. I tried to transfer Aidan when we got home- I hadn't done this in about a year- and of course, he had grown! I ended up bumping in by the door, by the bed...etc, and he was fully awake. Then transferring Zoe was also a disaster. Anyway, Zoe screamed for an hour. Aidan screamed for a good long time... There was no napping for anyone.
Hubby and I formed a new plan: we will go to the mall. Somehow, we got separated! And we ended up looking for each other for most of the time we were at the mall. DUMB!
On the way home, I told Hubby, "I just want to have fun like the way we used to, you know, when we had ONE child." Hubby reminded me that I used to say, "I just want to have fun like the way we used to before Aidan!" So, his conclusion was: we need to borrow someone else's child, and then I would realize how easy 2 children really are!
For the rest of this long weekend (four days to go)- I am making sure that everyday, everyone naps. No more getting separated wherever we go. And if we happen to have fun, that would be great. But, fun is definitely not part of the plan.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
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Aidan asked me to have more babies yesterday.
A: Mommy, we need to have more babies.
M: Honey, we have a baby already.
A: But Zoe is growing up, she is going to be a toddler.
M: You can have babies when you grow up.
A: No, Mommy. Only GIRLS can have babies.
M: You and your wife can have babies. Why do you want more babies?
A: Abi has lots of babies. (Referring to his friend, Abigail, whose family has four children.)
M: Right. Well, in our family, we are having two kids.
A: I think we should have more babies.
M: You take it up with your wife.
So I guess he likes his new sister.
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This morning, while Aidan and I were getting ready, he told me he wanted to sing. In particular, he wanted to sing "kjh3498732487348724dsflkj" song. I had no clue what song he was referring to so I ask him to sing the first line of it, he sang, "Thank you Jesus for bringing me toys." Hmm. Alright. With at least 16 years of Children's Sunday School under my belt, I had NEVER heard of a song to thank Jesus for toys. Aidan got really mad that I didn't know this song. We compromised and sang the Doxology instead.
I really ought to call his Sunday School teacher and find out what song they actually sing.
Also, Aidan had started to talk about the Holy Spirit. Wow.
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It dawned on me yesterday, that the bathroom, where Zoe had made her temporary residence, could get pretty chilly at night. Maybe all that crying was to tell us she was cold?! Had we been freezing our precious baby girl? Yikes.
I dressed her in her regular jammies, then put her in her
sleep sack and gave her another blanket. She woke up just once at midnight, and I gladly fed her, then it was smooth sailing to 6:30.
I, on the other hand, woke up at 5, waiting for hear her cry.
Maybe we are done with this phase of sleep training?! Hurray!
Please don't call CPS on us. We didn't mean to freeze her. Aidan was always too hot, and I would find him sweating like a piglet. I guess she really is a different person.
Monday, August 27, 2007
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Aidan loves his Crocs. However, these shoes are not great at actually keeping dirt away...
Zoe is looking more and more like her own person and less like an Aidan clone.
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As I sat in the car last night, wondering when I will ever sleep again, I also thought I should once again, check the internet for more tips/miracles.
This morning, I googled "sleep training" and found that someone had paid $125 to Ask Google to answer this question
Cry It Out?.
What did we ever do before the internet?
Actually, I am quite relieved that the internet was just getting started when I was in college. I think I used web to do e mail and searches for writing assignments. Then, in med school, I used the internet to plan a wedding, buy stuff, and that was about it. I think I would have wasted a lot more time on the computer then- I mean, I spend a lot of time on the web now! I suppose I just watched TV, nonstop back then.
I shared an apartment with three other students my first year. Ms. D was perhaps the most 'normal' of all of us. Her mom would pack her dozens and dozens of frozen bulgogi to take back on campus. YUM! Ms. M was a strange one- Hubby had memories of her screaming and yelling about some blind date. Ms. R would talk on the phone, incessantly, even while she was in the bathroom. She also used baby oil IN THE SHOWER. Anyway, Ms. M had a TV in the livingroom that we shared.
Then, in my second year, I shared an apartment with Ms. L, and I got a TV in my room! That TV got turned on from 9 am practically until I went to bed. I saw TV series I missed as a kid, like Wings. I also watched so much HBO that it was ridiculous. HBO showed Titanic a lot in those days, I think I must have watched it 20 times that year.
These days, we have a TV that is has no reception, and we don't have cable either. Instead, we are faithful fans of Netflix. We are currently viewing Nip/Tuck. A ridiculous show, but so entertaining...
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Sleep training had not been totally smooth sailing since my last update. Zoe cried, on and off, from about 3:30 am on. It was unclear when she actually stopped, because... I went to sleep in the car. And Hubby gave up looking at the clock. Aidan had been the only person in this house who had been sleeping in the same place since Zoe was born! Last night, Zoe went to bed at 6:30, in the masters' bathroom still. We put Aidan to bed at 8:30, then I went to bed on the air mattress, in the nursery. Zoe got up to eat around 11:15, I fed her and Hubby and I went to bed. When she started to whimper, I thought, okay, whimpering, not too bad. When it escalated to screaming, and when it showed no end in sight after an hour, I gave up, and took my trusty pillow to the car in the garage. Ah, it was silent. I came back in the house at 6:30, and waited for Zoe and Aidan to get up.
Okay, so you might be wondering, why don't I just feed her around 3-4 when she wakes up, since it isn't totally unreasonable. I have tried to do this, but the more I feed her, the more she wakes up and wants to be cuddled and fed. She is so different than Aidan about this. Aidan naturally gave up feedings and was, still is, a good nighttime sleeper. She on the other hand, is really good at napping.
After church, we managed to align their nap times- both kids went to nap at 1:30, and I too, went to bed. These days, my waking hours are spent thinking about sleeping and how to maximize sleep for everyone, and my sleeping hours, are not really about sleeping...
I am going to hang in there for another week. And the plan is to reclaim our room, since I can always head out to the garage...
Friday, August 24, 2007
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I got this endearing e mail yesterday from a faithful reader:
"I think you should add an ask aidan's mom weekly blog entry where you answer questions people submit to you by email. I think it would really entertain your readership."
Absolutely!
If you have questions, send them my way, I will do my best to answer them. If I don't know the answer, I will make them up as I go along- so perhaps questions about med school/residency, my personal experiences as a mother and wife, will be better than questions about theology.
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For those of you who are wondering, just how much is Zoe screaming, in light of the new program here, I have excellent news.
Since I started the program, the first night, she cried, on and off between 9 pm and midnight, for about 3 hours (even though I fed her at 10 pm)...
The second night, she cried, again, on and off from 4 am until 6 am...
Last night, she woke up to eat around 10, but there was no crying and she was up for the day at 6!
Now, as excited as I am about this, I also know: sleep training is constant struggle for these children, until they are adolescents- then they won't want to get up. However, I will take whatever good news I can!
The funny thing though, is that Zoe is sleeping in the master's bathroom, and Hubby and I are now camping in the nursery, on an air mattress. Now, we all know, with evidence, who really is in charge in this house. I am thinking we will reclaim our territory in a few days, just to be sure. She is in the master's bath because that will then give us more doors between the crying and our tortured auditory system. Still, with three doors between us, and the central A/C fan on full blast, I could still hear her...
Also happy to report that Hubby got back last night from his business trip- so this morning, while I entertained Zoe from 6 until 7:15, Hubby took over for both kids and I had one of the best naps ever. I nap so much better when I know that Hubby is in charge, even if the kids are also sleeping. If he isn't here, I constantly feel like I need to be more vigilant, in case the bears come to eat us, or something like that. Blame it on the oxytocin in my brain...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
This morning, Hubby told me that his head didn't feel like his own, that he didn't have a headache per se, but it just didn't feel right. My differential included: fatigue, aura for a migraine, a dissociative experience, and of course, head transplant. I told him that I will check for stitches as evidence of a head transplant, and as I rubbed his shoulders, I said I will reinforce the stitches with some staples. Then, the memories of this story came to me.
I was a third year med student, MSIII, and I was on my surgery rotation, I think it was in September. I had only completed my outpatient and neurology rotations by then, which were pretty much useless in acquiring skills, like putting in IVs, changing dressings, removing stitches, staples...etc. So there I was, at Our Lady of No Mercy Hospital in the Bronx, with my team, most of them were India-educated foreign docs, (it was so bad that I think our rounds sometimes happened in Hindi...but I digress.) One fine morning, the resident told me to go remove some lady's staples. Since I was a 'good' medical student, I said, 'sure.' Never mind that I had never seen staples being removed. I found a thing in the closet that said, 'staple remover,' so really, how hard can this be?
I should also elaborate that I am not particularly handy with tools, I am just not a very spatial oriented person. I went and found the lady, looked at her staples, and proceeded to use my very cool stapler remover. She winced and asked if it was supposed to hurt, I apologized and proceeded to essentially, pull out of the staples.
A few days later, I was with my resident when he was removing staples, and that was when I figured out I had used the instrument incorrectly... The staple remover would bend the staples and loosen them, prior to a swift motion for removal. What I did, was just pull as hard as I can, and when I couldn't figure out how to use the instrument, I actually used my nimble fingers...
All in all, avoid third year med students if you can.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I realized that I post a lot more videos of Aidan- he just does more stuff. Zoe, as cute as she is, is still mostly a big lump... Although she is trying to be less of a lump. And really, she didn't even cry at the end of this clip.
Aidan loves playing with Hubby's childhood toys- we got thousands of Lego pieces from Hubby's own collection a few months ago. We had become proud owners of at least 20 pounds of Legos! Aidan recently learned about Transformers and we were planning on digging through the closets to find some next time we visit Grandpa's house. Aidan found this bike this morning...
Saturday, August 18, 2007
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I love where we live. I am no longer saying that we need to move to a different town. I love the fact that there are concerts at a park close by every Friday in the summer, that the library is within walking distance, and that there is a canoe race today in our little city. Fantastic. I also really like that we have a great skating rink close by, and every Sunday at 6 pm, there is a game. It is free entertainment for Aidan! I pack the boys a dinner, and I send them off. Aidan has thoroughly enjoyed the games that the boys have staged their own hockey game in the living room.
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The previous posting got me thinking... And I happened to pick up ER, Season 5, from the library. I missed season 5, I think I had just started med school, and to watch it was actually much too painful- no need to see my future dramatized, simply too horrifying. The shows my suitemates and I were totally into were The Practice and Sex and the City. We also watched Martha Stewart Living... I think we watched WAY TOO much TV.
Anyway, here is another story I remember hearing about. It happened to a pediatrician that I was rotating with for 'primary care,' mainly, a shadowing stint to encourage students to become primary care providers, certainly, it was lost on me. She was a MSIII, rotating through surgery at a Manhatten hospital. On her first day, she was sent to clinic.
Resident clinics are to be avoided at all cost: you hardly ever see the same resident, and they take forever, and after they see you, you sit around for an eternity while the resident finds an attending to present the case and discuss, blah, blah, blah, typically a resident clinic appoint would last at least an hour. Back to the story.
So, this MSIII was asked to 'check on sutures' for a bunch of post-op patients. She didn't know any better... and she proceeded to remove all those sutures. Pretty soon, the clinic was full of people with their wounds wide open, and in need of new sutures. Her resident and attending were SO MAD, that they told her to go home and not come back until the following week. Typically, surgery rotations are 8 weeks long... For the next 7 weeks, this MSIII ate every donut in sight, that by the end of the rotation, the only pants she could fit into were scrubs. She also went up to the roof every night and thought about jumping off the building- and since this was a Manhatten hospital, there were 16 floors... It was that awful. Obviously, she didn't end up being a surgeon. She became a fantastic pediatrician instead.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I just finished reading
Mendel's Daughter by Martin Lemelman. He tells the story of his mother's survival in the holocaust, through illustrations. What an incredible story! I am continually fascinated by the holocaust, and especially the children. I had actually spent my fourth year of med school reading nearly every book on the subject matter from the Brooklyn Public Library- and believe me, there were lots of books about this in Brooklyn.
Anyway, whenever I look at how we live now, I am certain we will not survive a similar situation. We are such softies. Aidan would not know how to be quiet and stealthy. I would seriously have lactation problems and would totally starve Zoe. I would also be so angry all the time. Poor Hubby, he would have to be calm and take care of all of us.
Whenever things were really bad when Aidan was an infant, I would take out my worn copy of
The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. It was just such a source of encouragement: that God was still present during the holocaust, and surely, He is present in my chaotic life.
This time around, I have not dug out
The Hiding Place, and for that, I am thankful. Perhaps I should buy all new mothers a copy of
The Hiding Place. Monday, August 13, 2007
There was an article in The Wall Street Journal about how children are exposed to various careers. We thought we would talk to Aidan about his future career. You need to watch these clips in sequence.
In case your toddlerse isn't up to date, this is the conversation.
In the first clip, Hubby discussed investing banking versus plastic surgery to Aidan. He chose "the money people."
In the second clip, I tried to talk Aidan out of banking and into plastics. He chose plastics.
We then told him what careers would not be acceptable. In the end, he opted "the construction site people." He is very into big construction machinese these days.
Friday, August 10, 2007
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So I had this random thought as I read the latest forum Hilary Clinton attended. The issues of health care were discussed, of course. While I practice medicine, I actually don't think I am all that well educated about the heatlth care system, maybe I didn't pay enough attention in med school, or something like that. Anyway, as I read on readers' comments, things like "access to health care should be a right, not a priviledge" were mentioned. That got me thinking.
I think one of the reasons that health care cost is so incredibly expensive, is because, people have unrealistic expectations of staying alive, for a long time, regardless. It is incredibly expensive to keep a patient in the ICU, on ventilator, for days and days, while the person has severe organ failures. It is heartless, probably, but as a respected colleague of mine once said, "a hundred years ago, you go to the hospital to die, now you go to the hospital and you EXPECT to come out better than ever." And that, is driving up the cost of health care. I actually know someone who plans to go into palliative care so she can assist patients/families to make better choices and "pull the plug" sooner.
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Usually, the phrase, "I can do it!" is music to my ears, except for one thing...
Aidan has been potty trained for a while now, and he has mastered going to the potty himself long time ago. We still need to supervise wiping after a bowel movement, however. It takes quite a bit of coordination to get it just right. This morning, I was busy taking out the garbage, cleaning up, and getting the guys out of the door, when Aidan ran to the potty on his own. I came back from the garage, and he was already putting on his underwear. I asked if he wiped, and he said, "Yup. I can do it!" I was doubtful...
I ran to the bathroom and grabbed a few wipes, and proceeded to convince him to let me try, just in case, and to keep his hockey underwear super clean. As I was wiping, it was clear to me, that this child had not wiped AT ALL! So when he said, "I can do it!" he really meant, "It doesn't need to be wiped!"
Thursday, August 09, 2007
I had fun turning 30. It was a very fun day.
After Zoe napped at home, I took her to
Day One and bought ouselves an
Ergo Baby. We then went to the mall to try it out. She was so cute in it. If only I had this when Aidan was little. All this stuff came to the market since Aidan was born. It is amazing how much baby gear changes in just a few years.
Anyway, after we put Zoe to bed, and gave Aidan dinner and bath, Grandpa came over and Hubby and I went out to
Left Bank. As we were leaving, Zoe started to cry, Aidan started to cry... Great sadness. It was still so nice to sit with my Hubby and talk, without interruptions. We ate our dinner in 45 minutes, yet we didn't feel rushed at all, being that no one was there to cry, whine, ask questions...etc. The waiter thought we were funny. I suppose we were funny. We also always order the same stuff when we go there: fried calamari and hamburger. Yum.
We got home by 9, Aidan was still awake and waiting for us, which was fine, but then he started to cry, saying things like "I love you so much, don't leave, sit with me."
Then Zoe got woken up. I nursed her then, and went to bed.
By the time we got in bed, I had a headache and muscleache, I was hot... Then Hubby had chills... And now, we are both sick...
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Today, I am 30. I have been avoiding telling people how old I am in the last few years, partially because I constantly feel that I am not taken seriously as a 20-something in my profession. Partially because there are all those people around me who are in their 30's and they feel like they are much too old and I don't want to rub it in.
As I reflect on what I have been doing in the last decade, all I can say is that God is gracious and I have been quite busy.
I remember turning 20- I had spent that summer interning at the admission office at my college and house sitting for various professors. My then-boyfriend-now-Hubby had just graduated and was working in Santa Monica. On my birthday, my BF had spent 3 hours on 'the' 10 Freeway in Los Angeles trying to get to me. He was late, of course, and I think I was mildly irritated. However, he did bring me some beautiful flowers. We went to dinner at Aruffo's, yum! Then, the waitress brought out this beautifully arranged plate, with flowers, and a little black box. So I thought, 'He is going to propose!' And in a split second, I decided that I would say yes, but that we would have to wait to actually get married, since I still needed to go to med school...etc. Anyway, it wasn't a ring, it was a beautiful necklace. I think I was disappointed. Since then, poor Hubby has been getting a lot of teasing about using the wrong jewelry box. By the time he actually proposed, I could hardly wait to marry him. But that is for another posting.
I spent my 20's trying to 'be older.' When I was 25, while on call for internal medicine as a Sub-I, I was summoned to check on a patient who had spiked a fever. When I showed up, in my scrubs and ponytail, the family looked me over, and said, "are you really here to help us? Aren't you suppose to be in high school?" Then, when I was 26, while checking on patients, I was mistaken for the candy striper. Seriously.
It is good to be 30. I look forward to experiencing God's blessing all the more in my 30's! By the time I am 40, Aidan will be 13, Zoe will be 10, and I am sure my mind would be permanently obliterated.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
When we were still living in Taiwan, my dad came to the States for a business trip, I think, in 1985. He brought home a microwave. It was HUGE. I remember that my dad deciphering the instructions for us, since we didn't speak English back then. My mom had done some pretty nutty cooking via the microwave over the years. Aside from reheating leftovers, she cooked various seafood, in it. That made sense, because it was kind of like steaming these food items. She also cooked cake in it, since no one had an oven in Taiwan back then. All those things tasted fine. The most gross thing, EVER, was when she would microwave beef patties (hamburger patties) with chopped up garlic.
It was really gross. The meat just sat in a puddle of congealed fat. I don't think she would mind me saying so, because she recently admitted that was not good food.
My mom is an interesting cook, but that deserves its own chapter. Maybe next week.
Anyway, I think it is strange that microwaved food always cools down very quickly, and of course, getting it evenly heated is not effortless.
This past week, I was given a dozen Chinese buns by
www.2outsidethebox.blogspot.com (Thanks again!) On a whim, I took out my steamer insert for my 4-quart sauce pan and reheated them. It was AMAZING. The bun was fluffy, soft, and very evenly heated. (I ate 9 of those buns on my own over the last few days.) Yum! I then decided to steam the leftover white rice for dinner last night. So good. Again, fluffy, and hot. And it stayed hot for a long time.
I am going to use my steamer insert more, and my microwave less.
Friday, August 03, 2007
I am nearing the end of my maternity leave. Just one more month at home, then BACK to WORK!
It feels very different this time around. Most significantly, I am calmer. Maybe, I am wiser this time too. As part of gearing up for September Madness, I am now cooking up a storm. The freezer is once again becoming very well stocked: There are about 2 gallons of chicken broth, 4 dinner portions of pasta sauce, meatballs, beef barley soup, and I plan on filling it up more this month. I am almost always calmer when I don't need to worry about dinner plans.
I am also calmer this time, because I am going back part-time, just 25-26 hours a week. My work schedule will include Wednesdays off and abbreviated days, except for Friday, which will be a full day. But that is okay, (or at least I am telling myself) because then I have Saturday to recover.
What is not helping me to stay as cool as a cucumber is the fact that Zoe is still not taking the bottle consistently. Oh well.
She also likes to sleep on her tummy, which is a no-no at school. I know all about SIDS, but the girl can roll over on her own already. Well, she can roll onto her back, which is important for lowering SIDS risks, but she isn't so good about flipping back the other way. I am working on teaching her how to roll over...
On September 4th, the beginning of their school year, I will probably cry. Not probably, I most definitely will cry. I sobbed when we took Aidan to school when he was 6 months old. It will be a crazy day, since that will also be the day Aidan switches his swim lesson to weekdays, on a Tuesday/Thursday schedule. I will be in charge of both kids, on my own. I am not too fearful though, because, dinner will already be made!
On September 5th, I will probably be dancing in my house, because both kids will be at school, and that means, I can SLEEP ALL DAY if I want to. Actually, I can't. I have a dentist appointment that morning. So I will dance and sleep ALL AFTERNOON until I pick them up. Don't worry, I will get them early.
Aidan only has two more years left at this school, then he will be in KINDERGARTEN! Wow, he is practically going off to college...
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Today was the day. I planned a playdate and kept Aidan home from school. This was an experiment- to see if I would be capable of tending to two children on my own for a day. Up to today, I had only had both kids to myself on one other occasion, and that had ended disastrously when I had to drag a screaming Aidan away from Filoli about two months ago. I was determined to not yell, that was the only goal for today.
The day got off to a rough start, as I didn't sleep well at all. On our pediatrician's recommendation, I am no longer feeding Zoe between the hours of 11 pm and 6 am. She woke up at 5:20 screaming today...
Anyway, we had a great time with our playdate, they both napped well, and even overlapped a little so I was able to sit on the couch for about 40 minutes. Daddy picked them up at 4:45 to go to a work party so we had a good dinner too. And, I didn't yell today, no one got timed out. It was good.
I know, this is a rather silly experiment, as most moms routinely have multiple children with them ALL day long. However, for me, I count this as a momentous occasion, as a work-part-time-full-time-mom-wearing-too-many-hats-at-the-same-time person that I am, I don't get all that much practice with my kids. It feels good to know that I can do this.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I just finished reading
Free Food For Millionaires by Min Jin Lee. A fascinate read indeed. I love stories based in New York City- I miss the Big Apple! I also love stories about immigrants and Asian-American families. The psychodynamics of these relationships are fascinating to me. Redeemer Presbyterian was also referenced in this book- a church that held its meeting at a college auditorium on the Upper East Side, with pamphlets for hymnals. Of course it was talking about Redeemer! The characters in this book were mostly church-going people with really messed up relationships, however, since this book wasn't about the Glory of God, it didn't talk about how the Gospel is able to redeem all broken relationships.
The book does drive home this significant point: that money, prestige, education, fame, relationship with others...etc, will never, never, fill the Jesus-shaped whole in our hearts. The characters in the book all run around, chase these things that they thought would complete them, but no one is truly happy in the end. (I know I try to fill my Jesus-shaped hole in my heart with all those things, but they just fail me, again, and again, and again.)
If you happen to read this book, let me know, and let's discuss!
Monday, July 30, 2007
Photos
This was for the 'wear your favorite sportswear' day at school. Soon, Aidan will be biking with Daddy!
We are thinking of potty training Zoe. She seems pretty excited about this.
She is a little concerned about this computer thing- Mommy and Daddy spend way too much time on the computer. Even big brother likes to watch youtube.com, and Mommy lets him watch some stuff on jibjab.com... Probably not the best idea.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
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Last night, I was utterly overwhelmed by the laundry that needed to be folded... I found myself in a reverie of my past with laundry.
My parents didn't care much about laundry, they actually never separated whites and darks, and everything was washed in cold water. My mom had this huge chair in their bedroom where clean laundry was just piled on. If we needed clean clothes, we just searched in the big chair. I honestly cannot remember her folding laundry until we came to the States.
By the time I was 15 or so, I was tired of my "whites" being pink. So, I kept my own laundry pile and did my own laundry.
As a college frosh, I would do laundry every other Tuesday, my only afternoon without lab/work study...etc. Then I switched to Saturday morning, at 8. This was an awesome time to do laundry, as no one of the sane mind was awake. Junior year, my dear friend, April, and I lived on the third floor of this dorm, and it came with a patio. We thought it would be BRILLIANT to have sun-dried laundry. So we bought a hanging line, clips, and started lugging wet laundry, from the basement, up to the third floor. NOT SO SMART! Wet laundry was SO incredibly HEAVY. (Browning Hall didn't come with an elevator...) We gave up after two weeks.
In med school, I still kept my every other week schedule of laundry. Yes, I had that many 'knickers.' I think it was in February of 1998, when I lost my super cool quarter container, full of quarters, probably around $20, because I left it in the laundry room. Of course, someone took it. It really bugged me, that in med school student housing, there was someone willing to steal quarters! Somehow, physicians-in-training ought not to steal from one another.
After getting married, my laundry load just grew exponentially! Whereas as a single woman, I had these cheap towels that dried quickly. I became a woman full of wonderful domestic gifts, which meant, high-quality (read, THICK) towels that took FOREVER to dry. And, all of my sheets got bigger, as I switched from twin to queen. After we moved to Brooklyn Heights, the closest laundry place was about 1/2 mile away... I got an old-lady-rolling-cart, and kept my every other week schedule. I made a laundry bag that would accommodate two weeks worth of laundry, from two people. It was madness on laundry day. I had to become more flexible about laundry day, though, to account for call schedule/rain/snow...etc. The laundromat itself was great. I befriended the owners, this elderly Chinese couple, although we never exchanged names. Anyway, he taught me how to fold a fitted sheet into a neat little square. (Up to that point, I just shoved these fitted sheets into weird, random shapes.) I would sort the colors, dump the laundry into 4-5 machines (jumbo front loading machines) and go across the street to a bookstore. 1/2 hour later, I would return, shove everything into dryers, and then go pick up some groceries (in case my bag wasn't heavy enough...) and then return, to fold it all, pile it all back in my awesome bag, and lug it home. Sometimes, Hubby would surprise me by joining me at the laundromat and help me fold. I dreamt of the day that I would send laundry away to have it washed, and pay by the pound. But, on a student budget, that was not possible. Secretly, I enjoyed being so domestic and playing house.
By the time we moved back here to California, we again, had laundry facilities right in the house. After moving to our current place, the washer that came with the house would SQUEAK during the spin cycle. As a Christmas gift to ourselves, we replaced it in 2004. Then, in 2005, we replaced the dryer.
I stopped doing laundry on an every-other-week schedule after Aidan arrived: babies go through a lot of clothes, and it is just unsanitary to keep stuff around for 14 days... I tried to wash, dry, and fold every few days. But I felt I was being held hostage by my laundry. I switched regimens: wash and dry as needed, but I let my clean laundry pile up high, until every Wednesday. Then I folded and ironed then. However, that no longer worked with two children- I needed more flexibility. Now, I fold when the mountain gets so high and there is no more escape. I also only iron when the pile gets exceedingly high.
I remember this chemistry professor from undergrad, Dr. Moeur, she once said that folding laundry is such an after-thought, that she really could do without.
No wonder my mom never folded laundry when I was little.
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My car was absolutely filthy. Thankfully, Hubby took up the task of vacuuming up all the crumbs. Aidan usually enjoys a snack in the car on our way home from school, and his car seat is usually filled with some sort of cracker crumbs. And now, with two kids, the back seat is nearly full with the car seats, then there is all this stuff!
Anyway, I noticed that I have not seen a dirty Lexus in a long, long, long time. These fairly new Lexus cars are usually sparkly! My colleague, Kathy, who drives a white Lexus, keeps her car super, super clean. The only object in the car that didn't come from the factory is a water bottle. The exterior of the car is also always so shiny, no water spots. Everytime I drive around, I see clean, clean, Lexuses, whether they are the sedans, wagons, or SUVs. It is as if the dealer drives around and washes all of them as a courtesy service!
Aidan, however, thinks that cars with sliding door cars are the coolest, ever. He says he rather drive a car with a sliding door, (minivans...) than a car that goes super fast. He also claims that he is going to drive the Volvo when he is old enough, Zoe can have the Mazda.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I have been asking my friends for tips of becoming a better stay-at-home mom.
Even the phrase, stay-at-home, doesn't sound quite right. The phrase seems to suggest they get to stay still, sit on the couch and eat bonbons. Definitely not true. To say, work-at-home, almost implies they have an office somewhere else, and they just happen to work at home for the day. Full-time moms? Well, all moms are full time.
I suppose I am asking this question, how do I define myself? I have about one month of maternity leave left. I am in-between jobs. When I go back to work, I will work part-time. So, I am a full-time-mom-year-round-but-now-on-maternity-leave-and-will-soon-be-working-in-an-actual-office
-and-get-paid-for-work woman. Hmm.
So, while I am working/staying at home/on maternity leave, I find myself not knowing what to do. I get together with other moms occasionally. I take care of Aidan and Zoe, I clean up, I cook dinner at 3 pm, I shop for groceries, necessities, whatever. And then, what? I blog, I read, and in a way, it is very lonely.
Hubby asked me the other evening: did you think you would be a stay-at-home mom? My answer was: absolutely not. I thought I would work full-time, in an academic career, I mean, if not, why bother going to med school? Meanwhile, I have no desire to work full time, and I can't stand an academic career. Yet I am not cut out to stay home full time either. I get so bored! (I was so bored today, I took photos of my children's shoes...) I miss treating patients, because, I am a voyeur and I like to tell people what to do. (Children are not much into being told what to do.)
I have such admiration for moms who make motherhood a career. It is the hardest job, ever. How these women cope with what-I-call-loneliness, for at least 18 years, I have no idea. Maybe they don't find it boring. They are definitely more patient than I could ever be.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Seriously, my brain is mushing.
I used to know how to calculate simple physics problems. Sure, I never fully mastered physics, but at least I knew how to find an equation and plug numbers in. Or work backwards from the solution. The summer before my sophomore year was full of dread. I dreaded taking physics and organic chemistry, the supposedly hideous classes necessary to fulfill my premed requirements. I actually lost sleep over this. However, organic chemistry turned out to be quite charming. If only I could say the same about physics. It was dreadful. I would spend Saturday mornings slaving over the homework problem set that would be due the following Friday. My then friend, now Hubby, would come over the teach me, (who am I kidding?! He essentially did my homework.) Whenever I couldn't figure something out, I blamed the solution set, that it was wrong. Thankfully, Hubby was, and still is, a very patient man. Anyway, I somewhat mastered kinematics, and then, it was just all over. E&M? I can't even tell you what that was about. And optics? Forget it! To this day, when I hear about aperture, concavity, I just want to roll over and sleep. (And actually, my fear of physics was one of the reasons I didn't become a radiologist- you actually have to know how the machines work...and there is a lot of E&M ideas behind CT/MRI...etc.)
Back to my point. As bad as I was about physics as a concept, I was good at memorizing equations and plugging things in. Back then, if one did enough physics problems, one can sort of figure out a pattern to do well enough on the first few pages of the exam to pass. It was the last few pages of the exam that was used to sort of the 'wheat versus the chaff', and I was no wheat in this subject.
Today, I desperately wanted to figure out a decibel question. Our A/C unit is too loud, I am only finding out about this TWO years after the installation...turns out the contractor didn't actually get the permit...blah, blah, blah. AND, the unit is too close to the fence. More blah, blah, blah. So we need to move it, and it needs to be less than 60 decibels measured at the fence. So, the unit is currently at 67 decibels, a sound blanket is suppose to lower it by 5 decibels, and the fence is about 6 feet away. My friends, what will the measurement be? I tried to Google this, but the equations are now too overwhelming for my postpartum brain and simply, lack of interest to actually use my remaining brain cells.
I will have to wait for Hubby to solve this for me.
Friday, July 20, 2007
We believe in lovies. I can't imagine what traveling would be like if we didn't have good-old-Mr. Hippo.
Aidan's lovie was a gift from some neighbors. We went back and bought four more- Mr. Hippo was always in dire need for a bath at the end of the day. We just tossed him in the wash. Over the years, Mr. Hippo needed his bottom scrubbed with a toothbrush, he got bathed in vinegar and baking soda, to remove odor and stains. He got progressively flatter and flatter...great as a pillow.
Aidan helped to pick out Zoe's lovie. Instinctively, he picked pink- Ms. Bunny. Interesting... Anyway, we bought five of them.
Aidan met his lovie when he was 2 1/2 months old. Zoe met her lovie today, at 3 1/2 months. There is something about doing this the second time, that somehow, I am doing everything later. (Her footprint thinging was also way late. Aidan got his done at 2 weeks, Zoe just did it 2 weeks ago. Her foot print is HUGE in comparison to Aidan's foot print.)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
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I am thrilled to say: Our towels, the ones we registered for and received at our wedding, are made in the USA! I have been thinking that after nearly eight years of use, I ought to replace them, however, I am highly doubtful I can replace them with other made in the USA towels, so I guess I will hang on to them.
Yesterday, I bought Zoe a little magnetized hairclip, for $8. This little cute thing that we will likely lose in a week... but I don't feel too bad, it is made in the USA! And it stays in her hair! And it is wrapped in a thick ribbon so I don't worry about poking her head.
I am on a hunt, to buy, as much as possible, made in the USA goods. I realize this will cost more, so I will do this within reason... However, as the dollar loses its value more and more, I am convined to do my part of buying less imports...
That being said, I just bought Aidan's new blanket, it is made in China.
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This entire household's sleep is out of whack. Hubby, who is in Toronto, couldn't sleep last night, because he was stuck in PST. I couldn't' sleep because of the children.
Zoe still likes to eat every 4-5 hours at night. Is this normal? Normal for her?! I can't figure out if she wakes up hungry, or she wakes up because she manages to escape her swaddle. Also, should I stop swaddling her?
Aidan likes to stay in his bed, quietly, awake. Hubby discovered this a few nights ago, while he doing surveillance work on our son using a compact mirror, from the gap at the bottom of the door. It seems unkind to leave someone awake in bed for an hour. But I am unwilling to give up MY time, or whatever is left that is my time.
I have ruminated over the sleep issues while feeding Zoe at night. So, a multiple choice strategy, feel free to let me know of your opinion. This is probably like these med school tests I used to take, the answer can be one of the above, some of the above, none of the above, or all of the above.
Aidan staying awake in bed is because
a. Daddy is out of town
b. His sister cries and keeps him up
c. He is getting older, practically a preschooler, and just doesn't need that much time to sleep
d. He likes to stay in his bed and unwind
e. It is too warm in his room
f. His nightlight is too bright
Zoe is eating at night because
a. She needs to
b. She eats out of habit
c. It is fun to be held by mommy
d. She wants to be swaddled, yet she wants to suck on her fingers, and she just can't decide
e. Her brain isn't capable of consolidating sleep yet
f. She gets too hot in the swaddle
g. She wants to stretch her arms
How to help Aidan
a. Get a thin blanket (As if I don't have enough blankets in this house, but I need a twin sized blanket...)
b. Dim the night light
c. Give him a massage to unwind?!
d. Send him to bed later
e. Run him harder during the day
f. Hubby needs to come home
How to help Zoe
a. Stop swaddling her and let her figure it out
b. Just stop feeding her
c. Feed her just once at my chosen hour
d. Place a G-tube or J-tube
e. Go spend a weekend in a hotel by myself, and let Hubby figure it out.
Some of you are probably wondering, why doesn't Hubby give her a bottle and allow me to sleep a little bit more? Well, this little girl REFUSES the bottle, and the pacifier. Last week, she ate one ounce from the bottle, 3 days ago, she ate another ounce. But all the other bottle lessons have just been about throwing perfectly good breast milk down the drain, because once her mouth touches the nipple of the bottle, the entire bottle is contaminated and if not consumed within one hour, it will eat everyone in sight. Which brings me to,
How to get Zoe to take a bottle
a. Continue bottle lessons
b. Place a G-tube or a J-tube
c. I need to go away for vacation for a week and just let whoever is left here battle it out with her
(There are no more other types of nipples to try, WE HAVE TRIED THEM ALL.)
Okay, so the geist of today's post is that, I am about to lose my mind, and Hubby REALLY needs to get home STAT.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
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I had posted the original story last week. As it turns out, the buns are not made of fake meat, but the story is fake. Still does not increase my confidence in things from China, toys, food, toothpaste, tires, or even its news... Or rather, I have always known that news from China is not reliable, it is everything else... Did the chicken or the egg come along first?
Then, the strange thing is, the Chinese government executed some governmental officials for faking stuff. The punishment seems quite disproportionate to the crime. I suppose the punishment is meant to 'make examples of these people,' but being a softie, liberal Chinese-American that I am, it doesn't seem quite right. Then again, I don't believe in capital punishment. Then again, no one is asking me. I probably should stop writing about the Chinese, they are probably spying on me.
Courtesy of cnn.com
BEIJING, China (Reuters) -- Beijing police have detained a television reporter for allegedly fabricating an investigative story about steamed buns stuffed with cardboard at a time when China's food safety is under intense international scrutiny.
A city-wide inspection of steamed bun vendors found no "cardboard buns," the China Daily said.
A report directed by Beijing TV and played on state-run national broadcaster China Central Television last Thursday said an unlicensed snack vendor in eastern Beijing was selling steamed dumplings stuffed with cardboard soaked in caustic soda and seasoned with pork flavoring.
Beijing authorities said investigations had found that an employee surnamed Zi had fabricated the report to garner "higher audience ratings", the China Daily said on Thursday.
"Zi had provided all the cardboard and asked the vendor to soak it. It's all cheating," the paper quoted a government notice as saying.
A city-wide inspection of steamed bun vendors in the wake of the report had found no such cases, the paper said.
Beijing TV had apologized for failing to check the report's authenticity and said it would make efforts to improve staff ethics, the paper added.
China is reeling from a series of tainted food and drug scandals that have sparked criticism at home and abroad.
The deaths of patients in Panama from mislabeled drug ingredients from China, deadly toxins in pet food exported to the United States and food laced with hazardous antibiotics and chemicals have raised fears about the safety of China's surging exports.
On Wednesday, Premier Wen Jiabao pledged to improve food safety in a meeting with a visiting Japanese House of Representatives Speaker Yohei Kono, Kyodo news agency reported.
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We have these awesome neighbors. They don't live right next to us, but they are close, and I am so thankful that they are in our lives.
K, the mom, always offers me a lot of support and sympathy.
J, the dad, is really nice too.
M, the high school aged daughter, is fantastic. She babysits for us, and she is super professional- she used to jot down notes of what she did, what she ate in our house...etc, until we told her that she did not need to do that. She is really sweet to Aidan, and great as a supervisor to a sleeping infant. She also charges us much too little for her services. I also feel very good utilizing her services, because, if something catastrophic happens, she can literally go across the street with my children and find her mom. It is a great arrangement, especially when Hubby is out of town, as he is today.
M came over after their dinner, and while she supervised Zoe, Aidan and I got to hang out at Costco a little. I feel less 'caged' and Aidan got some time alone with me.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Aidan is doing great in swim class, as he has already graduated to the Tadpole class- a big deal, since he goes into the pool by himself, sans parents!
However, he is a long way off of swimming the butterfly stroke.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
We are completely powerless about the nap schedules here. We JUST CAN'T SYNCH these two kiddos' naps.
Zoe gets up around 7, give and take 1/2 hour. Aidan gets up around 7:30. Zoe takes a nap around 9 until 10:30. She then wants another nap around noon until 2:00. Aidan takes his only nap at 1:30 until 3:30. Zoe then wants to take her third and final nap of the day around 3:30. The only time that both kids are awake and good for doing something together as a family is between the hours of 4:30-6. By 6, Zoe is tired and wants to go to bed for the night. Aidan goes to bed around 8:30.
We feel like we are running a relay. We nap in shifts: girls nap first, then boys nap. It is hard to go out to dinner, since Zoe would like it if we eat between 5-6 to make it home for her to take a bath leisurely. Aidan really isn't interested in eating until around 6.
How long will this last?
Saturday, July 14, 2007
I read an article in The Wall Street Journal about China and its restrooms. It was quite informative and at times, hilarious.
To sum up, in preparations for the Olympics next summer, Beijing is cracking down on its sanitation facilities. "The upgrade is vital. Alongside its image as an emerging power, China is struggling to overcome a global reputation as a purveyor of disease and poor-quality or tainted products." There is an ongoing discussion about what kind of toilets the Chinese prefer: seated versus squat. "Imposing seated toilets isn't necessarily the solution- some who prefer squat toilets simply perch on them, leaving footmarks on the seat." They are also hiring more cleaners to be on call 24/7 to maintain these "public procelain palace, complete with soothing music and more than 1000 toilets and urinals spread out over 30000 feet." These cleaners LIVE next to the toilets they clean, rent free, and make about $100 monthly. They also get free electicity and water. "It all adds up. Aided by rent-free housing on toilet premises, husband-and-wife toilet cleaners Chen Kebao and Li Xiaoyun are even putting their daughter through graduate school."
I love The Wall Street Journal. Best paper. Ever.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Hubby came home late last night! Hurray!
Hubby, Aidan, Zoe and I decided to head over to the library to get some books after we picked Aidan up from school. We got our books, and we were heading back to the car. Hubby had the stroller and books. I had Zoe in one arm while holding onto Aidan's hand with the other hand. I stepped off the curb, and fell down... Hubby said he turned around and saw me fall in a very rigid way- I was trying to not kill Zoe. I remembered thinking, "SCHEISSE!" (German class from high school was paying off...) I let Aidan's hand go since he would probably stay standing, then, I landed on my left knee while Zoe was practically standing up supported by my left forearm. OUCH. As it turned out, I had fallen down because my right heel broke...
Now I know what it is like for Aidan to be falling down ALL THE TIME.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
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So I think I am spending too much time on the internet.
I am stalking people I don't even know via their blogs. One favorite read: www.theunderweardrawer.blogspot.com
I am reading cnn.com and finding news about a toddler who got kicked off the plane, Chinese people doing illegal things (see below), and some man showed up to his friend's wedding a year early.
Don't worry though, I read other things, like the Wall Street Journal. There is a story in the paper today about the CEO of Whole Foods writing a blog under a psueodonym and talking up Whole Foods. Unsurprisingly, his blogs are now part of the evidence with the SEC. When will people figure out that they are not really anonymous on-line? There is another story about children who watch food TV ads will over eat. Also that all that lead in made-in-China stuff really came from the West. Or my favorite, Chinese rural 'doctors' are learning how to be doctors because they have no formal education, or any education, for that matter.
So I am an information junkie...
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BEIJING, China (AP) -- Chopped cardboard, softened with an industrial chemical and flavored with fatty pork and powdered seasoning, is a main ingredient in batches of steamed buns sold in one Beijing neighborhood, state television said.
Steamed buns sold in Beijing contain 60 percent cardboard, a report on China Central Television said.
The report, aired late Wednesday on China Central Television, highlights the country's problems with food safety despite government efforts to improve the situation.
Countless small, often illegally run operations exist across China and make money cutting corners by using inexpensive ingredients or unsavory substitutes. They are almost impossible to regulate.
State TV's undercover investigation features the shirtless, shorts-clad maker of the buns, called baozi, explaining the contents of the product sold in Beijing's sprawling Chaoyang district.
Baozi are a common snack in China, with an outer skin made from wheat or rice flour and a filling of sliced pork. Cooked by steaming in immense bamboo baskets, they are similar to but usually much bigger than the dumplings found on dim sum menus familiar to many Americans.
The hidden camera follows the man, whose face is not shown, into a ramshackle building where steamers are filled with the fluffy white buns, traditionally stuffed with minced pork.
The surroundings are filthy, with water puddles and piles of old furniture and cardboard on the ground.
"What's in the recipe?" the reporter asks. "Six to four," the man says.
"You mean 60 percent cardboard? What is the other 40 percent?" asks the reporter. "Fatty meat," the man replies.
The bun maker and his assistants then give a demonstration on how the product is made.
Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda -- a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap -- then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.
Soon, steaming servings of the buns appear on the screen. The reporter takes a bite.
"This baozi filling is kind of tough. Not much taste," he says. "Can other people taste the difference?"
"Most people can't. It fools the average person," the maker says. "I don't eat them myself."
The police eventually showed up and shut down the operation.
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Today was a fun day. Aidan went to school, as usual, after we had a talk about how he needed to learn to listen better and to do whatever mommy/daddy/teachers ask him to do. That he needed to become more obedient, though I did not tell him that Mommy also needed to learn to be more obedient, but that was beside the point.
Then, Zoe napped while I washed our garbage cans. They were absolutely DISGUSTING.
Then, we had lunch with onthego. It was so fun.
Then, Zoe and I went to the mall. I went to 'preselect' at Nordstrom for their upcoming Anniversary Sale. For those who are curious, you can apparently go to Nordie and go through a book and preselect stuff before the actual sale, to gurantee your size. Anyway, it is suppose to be a by-invitation-thing. However, the children's shoe salesperson clued me in on it. I picked out some shoes for Aidan- this child wears out his shoes like nobody's business. At the women's clothing department, it was really strange. They had dressing rooms full of clothes hanging up to show you their goods. It looked like the night market in Taiwan!!! But with much higher price tags... I did not feel like buying anything at all.
Anyway, more videos of the kiddos.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Grandpa has been taking Aidan to school since Zoe was born. This is such a tremendous help to me- I get to stay in my PJs until whenever. I am so lucky to have such a nice father-in-law. Anyway, when we first started, Aidan would say things like, "Grandpa is going to eat me. I don't want to go." However, this morning, Aidan practically leaped into Grandpa's car, while he asked, "Where are the race cars?" He didn't even want to take his lovey with him on the ride, and I had not heard about a cannibalistic grandpa either.
Meanwhile, Zoe and I are just hanging low, waiting, for something to happen.
Hubby left for Toronto this morning...
However, I am getting better at being in charge of two. Essentially, Mommy will not allow for unreasonable requests and whining.
All was going well until...Aidan decided that his Lego race car needed a roof, but clearly, Mommy was NOT capable for doing it just like Daddy. Meltdown ensued, of nuclear proportions. I gave him a minute to settled down, and when he escalated instead, he earned himself a time out. In his time out, he started saying, 'Mommy, I want to go outside to pee.' WHAT?! The evening ended with me holding, rocking him, and teaching him to say, 'Mommy, I am so tired, I lost my mind.' 
For now, it is quiet in the house.
I am also happy to report that Zoe took about 2 ounces from the bottle! This is a major victory. We have been giving her 'bottle lessons' at 5:30, during week days. The lesson involves her reclining in her chair while I hold the bottle and make sucking noises. While she chose to not drink anything during her lesson, I offered it again after our dinner, while her at the dinner table, and she happily drank some!!! 
And, I managed to convince Aidan to help me by bringing me my camera. Here is a picture of Aidan staying busy while I am taking care of Zoe- notice that the house is a disaster...
Monday, July 09, 2007
A while back, I had written about our thoughts regarding Aidan and Zoe's education. The subject came up when we were hanging out with friends, and since then, Hubby and I had been discussing it again.
This time around, for some reason, I feel an obligation to spend as much money as we can possibly afford to buy Aidan and Zoe the best education ever. I have no idea what this best education may be, but surely, if it is more expensive, it must be better. And surely, if we start this at kindergarten, it would be better. Better than what? I am not clear.
So much so, I even looked up this college prep school in Brooklyn Heights, New York. When we lived there many years ago, I had seen these cute kids in uniforms. Today, I found them on-line. It is Packer Collegiate Institute, www.packer.edu Surely, it is a fine institution. Maybe we should move out there for Aidan and Zoe to go to this school. (There was a Wall Street Journal article about families moving so their children can attend these elite private high schools.)
There is another school in the area that requires IQ testing. I think it is quite a bargain, for $265, you get the testing and scoring. Usually, testing with a psychologist can run in the thousands... I think we might just have Aidan tested, just to see. However, would we parent him differently based on his scores?
Then I start to think about how much money we have already spent on raising Aidan. Then I decide that it is probably better that I don't think about it that way...
For now, we have decided that private college is probably worth the money. Single sex high school would be worth the money. I need to look into what will help them to get accepted to single sex high school and go from there...
Thursday, July 05, 2007
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Aidan is talking a lot these days. While I can understand most of what he is saying, there are certain things that I just have no clue. I find myself nodding along, saying, 'hmm...interesting.' Only to realize later, 'what is he talking about?!' Inevitably, it is something about robots, trucks, and getting a ticket.
This evening, we went on a walk with our neighbor's first-grader. Aidan was yapping along, and Isabella looked at me and asked, 'what is he saying?' I shrugged and mouthed, 'I have no idea.' She smiled and played along.
After bath time, we were reading stories about big rigs. Aidan asked, 'where is the britch?' I said, 'the what?' 'The britch.' 'Aidan, I am sorry, I can't understand you. Can you try telling me another way?' He started to get visibly frustrated. 'The britch.' I said, 'the bridge? The bitch?' (No kidding...) Aidan practically yelled, 'THE BRITCH! You said it we saw James.' 'Mommy said what when we watched James (of Thomas the Tank Engine)? Oh, BRAKES!' He looked so relieved when I figured it out.
I am so proud of Aidan- he is usually able to tell me what he is trying to say in several ways: finding a picture and pointing to show me, or saying it in Chinese, or referencing to the last time I used the word.
Some things though, I only know what he is saying by experience. For instance, his 'train' and 'crane' sound the same.
I wonder, if we had worked on baby sign, would it have helped? I would need to learn all the signs about tractors and things that move, which would have been a highly unlikely scenario.
For now, no trips to Toronto, for the following reasons:
1. Hubby still doesn't know WHERE in Ontario they will be meeting.
2. I might die from the preparations.
However, without having to prepare for this trip, I am deathly bored. Especially after out action packed fun day yesterday.
We got up at our regular time yesterday: Zoe at 7, Aidan at 7:30. Then, we got ready, packed our stuff, and headed out to Great America. Hubby and Aidan played, while Zoe napped in the Baby Bjorn. We left at noon, went to In-N-Out for lunch. Aidan ordered a strawberry milkshake by himself! We went home. Aidan took a nap. Zoe took a nap. I took a nap. Then, I took Aidan to get shaved ice, as a special snack. We also dropped off some stuff at a friend's house. Aidan had become quite the helper. We went home, found Hubby reading to Zoe. I started dinner while they played and hung out. Then Hubby's cousin's family came over. We then had two toddler boys...who were VERY loud... Zoe went to sleep at her regularly scheduled time. The rest of us stayed up to watch the fireworks. Aidan thoroughly enjoyed them.
Today, we got up. Hubby went to work. Aidan went to school. And Zoe and I, are, very bored.
If anyone has suggestions for activities for us, that doesn't involve the mall, or the heat, let me know...
Saturday, June 30, 2007
I was at Long's Drugs with Zoe today. We saw a display for condoms and lubricants. So far, all normal. Then, I noticed that there was a bunch of disposable cameras hanging for sale in between these two categories of products. Sure, when you buy condoms and lubricants, you also NEED cameras.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Hubby has been traveling quite a bit recently for work. He has been to Rhode Island, Kentucky, Wisconsin, I think, since Zoe arrived. There is a new project starting up in Toronto, and I am debating if I should tag along, of course, Aidan and Zoe would also be tagging along.
Tagging along is how Aidan and I have seen much of the world. Right after our wedding, I went to Egypt and Italy, many thanks to Oracle. Then, Aidan-the-fetus and I went to St. Petersburg, Russia, thanks to Enkata. (Don't ever go to Russia in the winter, it is just asking to be tortured. When we were there, the sun was out for four hours each day, the Russians don't believe in clearing the street of snow, and I slipped once with my big belly. I actually had a plan in case I went into preterm labor, meaning, call the embassy and get a helicopter to evacuate us.) After Aidan came, we visited Sydney, thanks to Hubby's current work.
This summer, we discussed going back to Sydney, maybe London, maybe Paris, but nothing had really panned out. I opted out of Rhode Island, Kentucky and Wisconsin, and I don't think that needs any explanation.
However, Toronto, even though it is Canada (which is almost just like the States...) has some kind of allure.
I am about to enter an unchartered territory: me and two kids, unsupervised, (since Hubby will be working) in a foreign country, where I don't know a single soul. Hmm. Will it be fun or will it be a death trap? On the other hand, me and two kids at home, still unsupervised...
What would you do?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
I am breaking up with my job. It is a shame, because for the four months I worked at this place, it was an awesome experience- I loved my colleagues there, the work was great, and it brought me joy to go to work. While the weekend on-call duties made my domestic life more complicated, I was planning on returning after maternity leave. However, a former supervisor from residency training program was retiring, and after much discussion with Hubby and contemplation, we decided for me to take a job that would not require weekends.
So, I am breaking up with my job.
I called my boss, told him over the phone, and sent in a resignation letter a few weeks ago. He was very gracious about the whole thing, and totally understood my reasons. Then, I was thinking how I would say good-bye to my colleagues. These colleagues had been so supportive of me, and my pregnancy. They threw me a shower, even though I had worked there a few months. I called the medical director again today, and discussed with him how I could say good-bye. He was planning on organizing a punch-and-cookies gathering for me and the staff! It would be like having a party to break up with them... Hubby suggested that I prepare a speech, because it will be inevitable at this party.
I am going to miss them so much.
At the same time, I am looking forward to working the under-served again.
I never thought I would be the kind of woman to make this kind of choice. I had planned on working as hard as I can to be all that I can be- maybe a tenure track position at an academic center. Cheesy, yes, but I really thought I would be a full-time career woman, ALL THE WAY. Then, I met Hubby, married him, then Aidan came, then Zoe came, and my career ambitions all went out the window. I just don't want to miss 'domestic bliss.' I put them in quotation marks, because, believe me, driving my two kids home today was not domestic bliss...
Saturday, June 23, 2007
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This is my new parenting dilemma: Aidan wants his finger/toe nails painted. Do I or don't I?
A few weeks ago, I was painting my toenails, and he wanted them painted. At the time, I used this clear polish, and thought, why not, he just wants to be like me.
Last week, I painted my toes this bright red color. Aidan really wanted to get his nails painted too. I initially resisted. Then thought maybe I was making too big a deal out of this. I ended up painting them yesterday. Then he wanted his fingers done. I said no. Because, I don't even paint my fingers: too much work.
Hubby thinks it is weird. I don't know what to think, except this is just the beginning of gender issues. Any opinions?
These scary pictures of dental caries made quite an impression on Aidan- he is still talking about them, about how he does not want to see them, and that he will brush his teeth!
Zoe did great last night. I swaddled her and that was like magic. I had previously stopped swaddling her because she would break free. I have this new swaddle cloth, with velcro, which really helps to be as snug as can be. She went to sleep at 8, woke up at 3, ate, then went back to sleep, then got up at 6, ate, and went back to sleep, until 8:30! I, on the other hand, woke up, because I had been conditioned to wake up...
Friday, June 22, 2007
I call my lactation consultant: Zoe is eating more than typical for a growth spurt. She is using me as a human pacifier! I have been FOOLED!
A new policy will be instituted this evening: she will be fed at most twice. Then, she is out of luck and will have to figure something else out for herself.
Meanwhile, there is a recall for Thomas the Tank Engine toys. Essentially, all the pieces with red paint are being recalled due to LEAD. I have spent about $10 per engine with these people, and there is lead in the paint?! We don't have a huge Thomas collection, and I am sending back nine pieces, including this tiny little stop sign. I am calling Aidan's pediatrician to do a lead level, but am still debating if it is worth the pain of taking him (and Zoe) to the lab, waiting with all those sick people, hearing him scream, and calming him down, and probably, calming Zoe down, and having to explain what I am doing. On one hand, I would feel terrible if he needs chelating therapy, but on the other, these red pieces are not really his favorites (Gordon and Henry, blue pieces, are his favorite), and he doesn't chew on his toys anymore, but then again, James has some chips on him. Taking this further, WHERE ARE THESE CHIPS? Are they hiding in my house still? In my carpet? This is really no fun...
Speaking of no fun, brushing teeth is a battle with Aidan. He doesn't like to brush his teeth, he doesn't like us to brush his teeth. He also spits his toothpaste all over the mirror, or, all over his chest. There is just no middle ground. I turn to my trusty internet this morning, and pull up pictures of terrible dental caries to show him. He pales, tells me to stop, and says that he will brush his teeth. Ha! I have also done the same with sunburns. Now he allows us to put on sunblock without a big fight. Maybe I should pull up pictures of really gross, dirty hair, with lice, and maybe shampooing won't be so heinous.
Zoe is starting to look like her own person now, in comparison to Aidan at the same age.
Aidan loves to fly his kite. 
Father's Day with Hubby's daddy. 
Swim class.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Zoe is in the midst of her 3-month growth spurt...and killing me slowly in the process.
She has been getting up a lot more in the middle of the night to eat, and she is also eating every two hours during the day. In the last 24 hours, I have fed her about 14 times. This would make a rather boring season of '24'- just Zoe and me, sitting in various places...
At her most recent feeding, she did a good job on one side, then I switched her, she then vomited- seemed like all that she just ate came back up and was all over both of us, and the chair. My first thought was: but I don't have anymore to feed you!!! My second thought was: I am going to die.
Well, I think she is now asleep, and I am still alive. And the chair is fine. Note to future parents: always get leather if you have the option. Leather seats in cars, leather chairs for feeding: you can just wipe insert-liquid-of-the-moment off leather, but on fabric seats, well, it just gets absorbed.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Hubby was very happy to get back on his bike to get to work today. It had been a long time since he rode to work, about three months actually. He stopped the week before Zoe was born, just so he would have a car to get to the hospital/home if necessary. Then, he needed his car to do drop off/pick up duty for Aidan. Finally, I thought I was ready to take on more drop off/pick up duty. So, he got on his bike today.
He was zooming down the bike lane, with a speed of about twenty miles an hour, when...a squirrel made a ran into the bike lane. He rode over the animal, heard its neck crack, and when Hubby looked back, he had killed a squirrel, with his bike... Freaky.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Hubby is making a trailer for the next installment of Agent Aidan (where Agent Zoe will be introduced...) He is trying to find relevant passage from Scripture about children. I suggest the passage about nursing mothers are going to in trouble when the second coming happens. We do a quick search on biblegateway.com and goodness, this passage is in three of the four Gospels- must be really important. And, for me, at this time, it shows me that God knows how hard motherhood is. So the passage maybe kind of scary for nonbelievers, and we are opting to not use this passage in the DVD. But here it is,
- Matthew 24:19
How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers!
- Mark 13:17
How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers!
- Luke 21:23
How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! There will be great distress in the land and wrath against this people.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I need to vent. I need adult conversation...
Hubby left for a business trip on Monday morning, thankfully, he will be home in a few hours. While I had anticipated the lack of adult conversation, and had tried to make plans so I would not go completely bunkers, alas, Aidan and Zoe won the game.
I would say for a mother of two, my days with my children are not too insane- since Aidan goes to school during the day, and my father-in-law has been a great help with taking him to school. However, the hours between 4 and 8:30 are just mind numbing.
Around 4, I started to figure out how to get Zoe to Aidan's school for pick-up, how to best maximize her feeding and napping to avoid a screaming infant on the 101. I don't mind one screaming infant. However, her screaming escalates Aidan- possibly because he is sitting next to her and that screaming in a sealed care is simply deafening?!
Today, Zoe and I got to school at 4:20. The kids were all dressed in their swim wear for water play. I figured Aidan was so excited about water, we might as well stay. Then, Zoe pooped. I lugged her back to the car to change her. Then, Aidan needed to be changed to go home. We finally got into the car at 5:20, and joined the masses on 101. Aidan insisted I was driving too fast...while my speedometer read 20 mph. I told him to leave the driving to me. Zoe screamed about something. Aidan screamed about a car that is parked on the shoulder. Blah! We got back to the house at 5:45. We knocked on a neighbor's door to see if she and her kids, ages 5,3, and 1, wanted to have pizza with us. They weren't home...drats. I needed another mom for support. Alas, no such luck. Zoe by then was losing her mind. Then, it dawned on me- it had been nearly four hours since I fed her!!! I had meant to feed her at Aidan's school... For those who have not breast-fed babies: infants need to be fed every 2-3 hours (and, you count from the beginning of one feed, not the end of the feed.) Oops! While I settled into my chair and got her latched on, the door bell rang. It was some unlucky kid trying to sell me stuff. I told him that it was not a good time. He politely asked if later would be better. I told him, it will not be better, then silently to myself, for the next EIGHTEEN YEARS! I finished feeding Zoe, just as the pizza guy came at 6:15. We all sat down to pizza and carrot sticks. I finished my three slices in ten minutes and spent the next HALF AN HOUR of MY LIFE watching Aidan eat. Good GRIEF! I could feel my gray hair growing...
Then, Aidan helped me to bath Zoe. We read truck books while I fed Zoe one last time for the day. BTW, I DESPISE truck books. I got Zoe in her crib at 7:30. Aidan and I spent the next twenty minutes reading MORE books about trucks, tractors, trains, boats. BLAH! Then, I bathed him, read more books, and finally, 8:30. Lights out.
Seriously, I need to be relieved of bath duty for a day, at least. If only Hubby could grow a set of breasts...or perhaps easier (?!) Zoe would just take a bottle...
For now, I am enjoying the peace and quiet in my house, with my air conditioning, while I plan a cruise trip for 2009... And Hubby will be home soon.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
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This is what I have finally figured out. Now that the # of our children equals to the # of parents, we must STAY AHEAD. Aidan's teachers do this at school- the activity that is still ahead of time is all ready to go. Morning snack is made way early. Lunch table is set an hour before lunch time. Sleep mats are set out two hours before nap time. It is brilliant. I am now making dinner at 10 am. If only I can sleep ahead of time...
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Aidan's class is studying birds. They have a white bird named Frosty. It is all very cute. While we were standing outside the garage waiting for Aidan's personal school bus, aka Grandpa's chauffeuring service, we saw quite a few birds. I asked Aidan, "Honey, who takes care of these birds?" He looked at me and emphatically said, "Jesus."
Wow. He does pay attention in Sunday School.
Then... Grandpa drove up.
Aidan said, "Is that Jesus?"
Hmm.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
We signed Aidan up for swim class- 1/2 an hour every Saturday morning, for three months. It is important to us that our children know how to swim:
1. We live close to water.
2. I don't know how to swim well.
3. Hubby doesn't know how to swim well.
4. I always thought swimmers just look really cute...
Aidan is enjoying his swim lessons and is staging his own swim lessons on blankets at home.
Zoe will get swim lessons when she is about three- I don't believe in swimming lessons for babies... There are reports of infants swallowing SO much free water, that they become hyponatremic leading to seizures. I really don't need that. And, I figure if a child can't follow any kind of direction, it is just a waste of my money and time.
Speaking of time and money, after the first lesson, I quickly realized that for our kids to be good swimmers, it will take time and $. Am I ready to become the slave to various lessons, all that driving, waiting, shuttling...?
Saturday, June 09, 2007
My mommy came and visited us for a week. It was a very good visit. Aidan got a big kick out of the idea that Aidan's Mommy has a Mommy, who has a Mommy.
We mainly shopped, ate, walked, and talked. My parents live in middle-of-no-where, and the Chinese food there is rather pathetic. I essentially asked my mom what she wanted to eat and planned our days around that. It was really fun shopping with her- since Hubby and Aidan are not into comparing blouses, and Zoe is just too little to care. Mom and I didn't get to shop together very much- she had a pretty busy schedule when I was growing up and since I married so young and lived so far away from home, there just wasn't time. Of course, we had our moments of typical mom-daughter stuff. However, I realized that we are so similar- I am just as stubborn as she is. Go figure.
Too bad my dad couldn't make it. Maybe next time.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
This evening, I ROCK, if I may say so myself! I declare VICTORY over my two children!!! If only for this evening...
Hubby left to go to a church meeting after dinner. I was determined to make it through the next hour and half without losing my mind. I situated Ms. Zoe on her bouncer, and started Mr. Aidan on youtube.com for some good entertainment of construction trucks. This went on without problems for seven minutes. Then, Ms. Z started to complain. I changed her location to the crib, with the mobile. I ran up and down the stairs, to gather materials for bathtime and bedtime, while clicking on various clips for Mr. A. Ms. Z started to whine after another 15 minutes. I carried her with me, up and down the stairs. I got the bath water going. I gave Mr. A a warning that youtube.com will be ending after one last clip. He agreed. I managed to take my calcium supplement, and my vitamins. I also sneaked in a glass of water. We all went up stairs. Mr. A did not complain. He helped me with Ms. Z's bath time. Aidan was great. He was so gentle, and eager to help. He even shampooed her, and did not get her face wet at all! I put Ms. Z on the floor, help Mr. A undress and send him tot he bathtub. With the doors open, I listened to Mr. A pretending to be a bartender, while I gave Ms. Z her last gulp of breast milk. Then, Ms. Z was swaddled, and put to bed. I turned on her white noise machine, and left.
I turned on the timer and set it for 25 minutes for Mr. A. Then, Mr. Aidan got shampooed and bathed. He brushed his teeth, with some supervision. I only had to say once, "Please do not yell. It hurts my ears and it scares Zoe." Just once, it was heavenly. Mr. A got dressed in his PJs and we read stories. By then, his timer went off. He climbed into bed, I turned on his white noise machine, prayed with him, gave him kisses, tucked him in and left.
Then, it was silence. Ah, peace. Tonight, everybody won. And tonight, I rock as a mother. I can't say I rock every night. Actually, I know I DO NOT rock every night... Thankfully, Jesus rocks EVERY NIGHT! (and DAY!)
That part of the house sounds like a wind tunnel. They each have a white noise machine to protect one from the other.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Just to keep up with a record of the strange/embarrassing places that Zoe poops and pees...
We had her 2 month check up today. I like our pediatrician a lot, even though he frequently runs late with his schedule. He is gentle, sweet, and we actually have acquaintances in common. He also chats with me about my career and all that. More importantly, he doesn't talk down to me- the most essential trait in a physician, I think. Anyway, while we were waiting, Zoe sneezed, and pooped. All over the exam table, and MY SLEEVE. After wiping her down, I was rinsing my sleeve in the sink while keeping a hand on her so that she wouldn't fall off the table, and Dr. B came in. Then, Zoe peed all over the table. There was so much, that it started to drip onto the floor, and MY SHOES. Good grief. This is the reason why clinicians should never wear open toed shoes. For that matter, I should stop wearing open toed shoes... Dr. B had to help wipe it all up...
So, when you go to your doctor's office, imagine what else has been on these exam tables...
This is Zoe, busy thinking about where else she should micturate and defecate...
There is always a delay between when I blog about something and when pictures are available. Why? Isn't instant access the beauty of digital photos? Well... Not in this house. Hubby thinks it is important to edit photos- no point in looking at photos not correctly brightened/darkened/cropped...etc. And actually, the photos in this house are not even taken in the jpg format- I have no idea what other format there is, but Hubby needs to tweak them...
Anyway, here are some photos from my sister's visit. In case you wonder where Zoe is...she is the white pouch in front of me.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
This is really making me mad... Why can't we help moms better? There has been so many cases of moms who have killed their babies (and sometimes, themselves) due to mental health issues. (Why does it seem like a lot of these cases are coming from Texas?!?) As a psychiatrist, I am finding this unacceptable. As a mom, I can imagine how depressed and psychotic they must have felt. I am horrified that these women are left to be in charge of so many little kids, with little support, and that no one thought to offer them mental health care.
Then there are these news clips about child abuse- a father who microwaves his two month old infant daughter?! A parent who uses cattle prod to shock his crying baby?
WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO??!?!?!?!?!
On a brighter note, I am thankful for Jesus, who is the Perfect Parent- that He who had never sinned, died for my sin, because in so many ways, I too, hurt people in my life every day. Ah, to know that I am redeemed...
Professionally, I am excited to report the hospital I work at, will be starting a postpartum mood clinic very soon!!! It will be staffed by pediatrician, ob/gyn, psychiatrists, therapists, social workers. It is going to be GREAT! For more info, feel free to contact me.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
My sister came to visit. WHAT FUN! She flew in Friday evening, and was the best support ever.
We went to Great American on Saturday. It was so much easier to have her push a stroller, gather up stuff, and basically, be the extra arms and entertainment we wanted/needed.
On Sunday, while she was out visiting her friends, Aidan took a 2.5 hour nap. Zoe took a 3 hour nap (in her crib). I took a brief nap, and it was just the best. We then went to the park, played, and had a picnic. Note to self: picnics are AWESOME. No clean up. Just throw everything away!
On Monday, we went to Bonfante Gardens, or rather, Gilroy Gardens. Again, FABULOUS. Just to have her to talk to was great for me. Zoe hardly cried. Hubby and Aidan thoroughly enjoyed the garden as well. We all felt so relaxed!
It was sad to see her leave. Aidan could not understand why she needed to leave to go back to New York. He thought it was strange that she did not live with family... After she left, I felt so sad. We shared a room growing up, and fought like cats and dogs. I threatened to throw all her stuff away if she didn't put them away. One time, I did bag them up and hid them. She thought I had really thrown them away! I miss seeing her all the time. I moved out to go to college in '94, and other than a few summers and Christmas breaks, I had not shared a room with her for the last 13 years. It was great fun to rock her bed after she had fallen asleep and yell, "EARTHQUAKE" I was much more amused than she was.
I miss her already...
And, this made me realize that when Aidan and Zoe leave home, I am going to really sad and probably sobbing the entire way home from the airport.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
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While the baby HATES pacifiers, the boys love them!
Aidan likes it when Zoe snuggles with him. He asks Zoe to sleep in his room all the time. Our plan is to have them share a room when she sleeps through the night consistently.
As for sleeping, Zoe does NOT like to fall asleep in the Baby Bjorn and then be set down. She knows she is being tricked.
Aidan only has two more years to go before kindergarten. Can this really be true? Therefore, we have been thinking about where he should go to school. We have no idea what kind of learner he is, and will we know in time to make good choices? Alas, our city's elementary schools are reported excellent. There is also a lovely school right across the street from us- so, for now, that is where Aidan is destined to go come September of 2009. Assuming he goes to public schools for elementary and junior high schools in our city, will we continue with the public system in high school, which is reported less desirable? Or will we send him to private school? In terms of private schools, do we send him to Christian school, or college prep? Do we want him to go to single-sex school?
Hubby went to ALL private schools, ALL THE WAY. $$$$$$$$$. I went to public schools through high school. I value my single-sex college education greatly and Hubby wished that his high school had remained single-sex for his tenure. For now, we are tentatively thinking that we will send Aidan and Zoe to single-sex high schools. Therefore, I am doing research.
Any opinions? I would love to hear them.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Hubby is home! Everyone is happy. Aidan is thrilled that his 'Engineer Daddy' is back. It is rather sad, that when he is traveling, we don't even have time to talk on the phone anymore. With the time difference, bedtime routines, screaming children, I think we talked for all of 15 minutes for the three days he was gone.
So, to make up for it, I have been talking and talking and talking to my beloved.
This is what he said when we were discussing what marriage is about. "Marriage is what God invented so that two people will not separate when children come along." Funny, in a strange way, but very true...
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I think I am just about to run out of words...
Hubby is out of town for a business trip- so I am holding down the fort, with my two precious children. He left on Monday. As I drove him to the airport, I told him, "please don't leave me..." Funny to think that when we were talking about having children, I told him, "when we have kids, they will keep me company when you travel." HA!
Yesterday was a piece of cake in comparison to today...
I kept Aidan home today because we had a special trip planned with his buddy, P, and her baby brother and mom. All six of us were suppose to have a fabulous day at Filoli. It got to a rough start, and just got worse. Possibly because my expectations were too high- I wanted Aidan to sit still until we finished lunch. Maybe sitting still and being outside just will never go together for toddlers. Anyway, in trying to discipline him, he won himself a time out, and as I tried to time him out, while holding Zoe...BAD! One thing led to another, we needed to go home. So I left our dear friends with a big mess from lunch, and dragged a screaming toddler, pushed a stroller, tried to keep the baby asleep, to our car, and drove home while lecturing Aidan about 1: use your listening ears, 2: we don't hit people...
After a three hour nap- maybe he was just exhausted (?) we were all feeling better. We took a long walk, got dinner, and actually had a lot of fun. A lady at the restaurant told us: Aidan is so cute, and so well behaved. HA!
I am glad Hubby will be home in 30 hours... You bet I am counting down!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
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Parenthood brings all sorts of conflicting advice!!!
For some odd reason which I cannot explain, I felt the need to watch baby care DVDs. This morning, after viewing The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg, I am not comforted at all! Instead, I am MAD. Get this, she believes that babies should NEVER be left to cry. What does that leave me? Hmm. I have needs of my own, that sometimes doesn't allow me to hold my baby around the clock- whereas she did this for a living and got paid, and got to go home! (I use past tense because she is already deceased, I think.) I hate stuff like this: makes parents feel utterly inadequate! Good grief.
I know I am NEVER going to be the perfect parent, and neither Zoe or Aidan needs me to be, because they have thier Heavenly Father who is PERFECT. I just need to be good enough. Still, I don't need some lady tell me that I am doing it all wrong.
And this is only the beginning.
Some people say that when you introduce the bottle, you just make the baby comply, it is not cruel or unusual punishment- that the hunger drive is going to kick in at some point. Some other people say, that is only going to make the baby angry and some babies will not eat all day, to wait for their mamas and eat all night. Who is right?!
All this, leaves me wondering, what kind of baby was Jesus? Was he colicky? Did he need to eat around the clock? Or did he just leave Mary alone?!
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One of my big regrets over the last three years is this: If only we had started leaving Aidan in someone else's care earlier...
Somehow, Aidan never really stayed with a babysitter or family during his first three years of life. Sure, we went out- we waited until he went to sleep for the night and went out. Worked beautifully when he used to go to bed at 6:30! However, he just never got used to being with anyone else when he isn't at school.
Now, with two of them, I really need help. Hubby's Dad is now driving Aidan to school a few times a week, and every time when Grandpa comes over, Aidan insists that Grandpa is going to eat him... Why? Beats me.
We are now determined to get Aidan and Zoe used to being in other people's care- because I have ambitious plans of celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary (in three years) without them. The road there, though, will be difficult. I am going to find someone we like from Aidan's school who does babysitting on the side, and pay an exorbitant amount of money (these teachers charge at least $20 an hour to care for two...) and do this regularly. But to even get there, I must convince Zoe to use a bottle...
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Some discontentment is going on, a lot of it. I have been thinking about my idols a lot recently. It has become very obvious that one of my idols is owning a big house. A big, fabulously decorated, with a pool, house, on a tree-lined street. While there is absolutely nothing wrong in itself, I think what this house means to me, is all wrong. And I KNOW that such a house would bring me no joy in the end. I would be really mad to have to figure out how to maintain it, and the actual work involved in keeping it clean and tidy, and imagine, the heart attack that would be involved when I have to pay the property tax/mortgage!
Our current house is lovely. It has air-conditioning, we just replaced the windows, and put in built-in bookshelves, recessed lighting. It has a beautiful view. No outside maintainance for me. And, we are going to be done paying for it in just 11 years. Why would I want to move? There is no good reason.
So I brain storm for good reasons to convince Hubby. I even pulled the 'hospitality' card: we can have people over. He countered that with, "we had lots of people over when we lived in NYC, our apartment was 400 square feet!" He suggested that, instead of buying a big house and paying for that, if my heart is in entertaining people, we would take them out to dinner. Until the cost of treating people to meals become greater than paying the property tax/mortgage, we would stay put. So logical, yet, I still covet a big house.
That is just what an idol is- something I think that will make me happy, but would just make me bitter. I can already imagine the arguments: "Honey, we can't buy this can of soda, because we need to may the mortgage." Or, "Honey, please go clean up that room we never use, because we own that room." Or, "We can't go out to play, because we have this house to keep."
Although, I am well aware, that after I deal with this particular idol, others are already lurking in my heart.
Monday, May 14, 2007
I had a GREAT Mother's Day.
In 2004, my first Mother's Day, it felt awkward to have friends at church say, "Happy Mother's Day!" I didn't feel like I deserved it.
In 2005, I thought I deserved to have a day dedicated to me. Hubby sent me to the spa for a morning. And I got a gorgeous Le Creuset oval oven. It was fabulous.
In 2006, Hubby and Aidan put in a planter box by the kitchen window. Beautiful.
In 2007, my planter box is thriving. I got a wonderful card from my CHILDREN, flowers from my father-in-law, and Hubby is working on the gift...
Everyday should be Mother's Day.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Here are my cuties, starting to look different.
The sad thing about my children: they are all light sleepers... very, very, sad. And they DESPISE the bottle, VERY, VERY, SAD.
Friday, May 11, 2007
For my lucky readers, FYI...
Zoe and I went to Nordstrom yesterday. She needed to be changed. I took her to the bathroom/lounge area to feed and change, and all that. She had explosive poopie. I only had three wipes. I lifted her up to get her back, and she poopied on the couch. OOPS. I used paper towels to wipe it down. But... So, ladies, if you ever go to Nordstrom at Hillsdale, don't sit on the couch in the women's lounge on the second floor. O second thought, don't ever sit on those seats, I am sure Zoe isn't the first child to urinate/defecate on them.
After all that, I fed her, and she pooped again. This time around, we had no wipes, and no diapers! So we went home.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Zoe is achieving her 'maximal wakefulness.' According to experts, babies are most wakeful around six weeks, something about being gassy and 'physiologic fussiness.' I think Hubby is about to fall over- since he is taking care of Aidan, Zoe, and me. Interestingly, our pediatrician warned us that sibling issues peak around 2 months, possibly due to this 'maximal wakefulness,' read- 'maximal screaming.'
With all that screaming going on, Hubby and I just want comfort. We have been eating delicious comfort meals provided by our church community and viewing comfort movies. Among our favorites, "The Bourne Identity", "The Italian Job," and my favorites, "Sex and the City."
I know, I need to post pictures of Zoe, she is changing so much. Alas, no time to take pictures and upload them, and export them, and blah, blah, blah. So, if you're wondering what she looks like... Well, she looks just like Aidan.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Note to self: NEVER set a swing by the wall. Because, when you start swinging, you swing INTO the wall...and wake up your baby. That is how that session of sleeping in the swing ended... Very sad.
A few hours later, I have the swing in the middle of my kitchen, with the white noise machine going (it sounds like we are in a wind tunnel), and she is sleeping!!!
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
All I want to do is complain... Is blogging an outlet for me to complain? It might very well be.
Zoe is six weeks old today... And she is definitely not the sleepy newbie she once was. She only wants to sleep when someone is holding her. I have spent most of my day wearing her in the Baby Bjorn, and trying to convince her to sleep. I think I am going to lose my mind.
I think Aidan was like this too. Can't really recall. But I have pictures of him sleeping on me, a lot of these pictures... While I know this stage will end soon, God willing, I am thinking of tossing my auditory system out of the window, just so I don't have to hear the incessant complaining that comes from her sweet, little mouth...
Now, I must go and try to convince her to stay asleep in her swing.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
These thoughts are not really blog worthy, or are they? Perhaps as an illustration of what happens to a mother who is sleep deprived?
I have been watching "Mountain" movies- "Cold Mountain" and "Brokeback Mountain". Has it been THAT long since I watched a drama? Because these movies are so much more graphic than what I recall. And what sad stories- what does that say about the mood of the nation?
Sleeping...the ever so elusive love of my life... Zoe really likes to be held. She can sleep for HOURS if we held her. But really, who has time to hold her all night? And a queen sized bed is just not big enough for all three of us. However, whenever I set her down, even when she is in her deepest of all deep sleep cycles, she wakes up within half an hour. I am going to give her a few more weeks of this 'attachment parenting' stuff, and then, hopefully, her brain would be mature enough to go sleep on her own.
Today marks the end of my 'good days'- Hubby returns to work full time tomorrow. Geez. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? It has been SO awesome to have Hubby around in the afternoons- to hold Zoe, while I sleep. Well, that is over. And along with that, I am resume the duty of transporting Aidan. I think it is going to be shocker for my system...
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
For all of you who are just dying to know what happened with my mastitis...
I am a bad patient- I just have not been able to be 100% compliant with this four times a day antibiotics thing. However, at my postpartum checkup today, I am pronounced to be an very good health. The mastitis has resolved, and my back is now back in business.
Then, this afternoon, after my eyes seem watery and dry, I take my lenses out. I take a nap, and after getting up, my left eye is watery, boggy, and SAD looking. I call my optometrist, fortunately, he works a full day on Wednesdays. He gives me a diagnosis of CLARE: Contact Lense Acute Redness Eye. So, now I am on eye drops FOUR times a day. Good grief.
An Update
We made it.
This was our prayer leaving the house: Dear Jesus, help us to get there safely. Help us not to be cross or cranky with each other. Amen. That was all I wanted, safety, and NO crankiness/crossness.
The trip was good, honestly. It was hard at times, but we made it. It was key to have low expectations. We ended up attending just two reunion events and actually bailed out of the big dinner. However, we were less stressed, and better rested. We saw friends and their kids- big changes for everyone. It was also really great to see that some friends are doing exactly what they set out to do. No one we knew ended up in jail!
As for Disneyland, we again, tried to have low expectations. However, after forking over $350 in admission fees, it was hard to keep those expectations low. We probably saw just about 30% of the park, but that was okay. Aidan thoroughly enjoyed a roller coaster ride in Toonstown. Zoe enjoyed being in the Baby Bjorn. The biggest treat was seeing Disneyland with Aidan's sweet cousins. The kids really enjoyed each other. Aidan thought the characters were weird, except for Mickey Mouse. Fine by us, saved us time waiting in line to get see them.
I realized something about myself:
Motherhood really doesn't allow time for unpacking. And, I really WANT to unpack. It was hard for me, when we got to the hotel/home/destination, I wanted to get things set up. But I couldn't. The kids' needs were more urgent/important. Zoe needed to be fed. Aidan needed to be bathed and bedded. But all I wanted, was to put things in their appropriate places. It took ALL my restraint to NOT unpack last night when we got home at 10:30. I thought about the piles of bags by our entrance when I fed Zoe during the night. By 6:15, Zoe was up for the day, and I couldn't wait to get started by putting things away... Possibly a little obsessive/compulsive?
Thursday, April 26, 2007
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I am packing today so we can have an on-time departure tomorrow for our trip to Claremont.
While I am completely uncertain if this trip will be a success or failure, I am going with low expectations.
I remember traveling with Aidan to North Carolina when he was about seven weeks old. I went with high expectations of actually doing lots of stuff: singing at a wedding, being a bridesmaid, talking to people...etc. What we got was: lots of McDonald's (there was no time to find good places to eat), breast milk spraying everywhere- bridesmaid's dresses are NOT designed for breastfeeding, and a little bit of talking to people.
This time, with two in tow, LOW expectations will be key. Although we are still planning on doing stuff: reunion then DISNEYLAND! I plan on hanging out at the hotel quite a bit, while the boys play at Disneyland. This will be Aidan's first Disneyland trip. We don't talk about Disneyland at home, he doesn't have Mickey Mouse stuff, yet when we discussed this trip with him last night over dinner, his face just lit up! I wonder, what else is he learning?!
In preparation for this trip, Hubby and Aidan are doing an insane field trip (or raw ordeal?) this afternoon. Hubby is picking Aidan up at school, they are driving over to Hubby's office to park the car. Then to take the Caltrain, then BART, then AirTram, to get our rental minivan. A reverse of this field trip/raw ordeal is planned next week... I will keep you all posted of our adventure/torture...
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For those of you who do not want to read about breast feeding, please stop now...
At the wee hours on Tuesday morning, I woke up with a very sore back, and a very tender left breast... Ouch. I deduced that I had a clogged milk duct, thanks to my newly acquired, and very fashionable nursing bra- with underwires. Note to ladies: DO NOT BOTHER WITH NURSING BRAS WITH UNDERWIRES during the early months of breast feeding. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! By the time the whole house was up, I was febrile, and very cranky. I made an appointment with an ob/gyn, for 11. The advice nurse originally gave me an appointment for 3 pm. I said, "NOTHING earlier?!" She reluctantly gave me the earlier appointment, but said that, "it is with a male doctor." As if I would care- I just need some pain management and antibiotics!
So Zoe and I got to the appointment, and waited, and waited. The ob was running late. The nurse had me change into this paper top, opening in the front, and I was told to wear nothing underneath. Hmm. Nursing breasts like to leak... There I was, holding on to paper towels, covering my breasts, while talking to the doctor. THERE WAS NO DIGNITY WHATSOEVER. He diagnosed me with early mastitis. Bummer. Then he said, ever so slowly... "I am going to prescribe you an antibiotic, called, die-claw-xi-ci-lin." I wanted to say, "Does mastits affect brain function? Because you are talking to me like I am a moron." Then, he didn't want to prescribe anything other than ibuprofen for my back... I should have said YES when they offered me a prescription of vicodin when I was being discharged after delivery! Alas, no energy to be so smart. I then got my dicloxacillin filled and got started with these horse pills. I am feeling so much better.
I also called my trusty lactation consultant and discussed this ailment in detail. Apparently, I am to massage my sore breast, while the breast is sitting in a bowl of warm water, to help the duct to dilate and loosen the clog. Hmm. How is one suppose to be in a comfortable position- for one's sore back- and dip the breast in a bowl?!
By the way, it is now Thursday morning, and I am feeling so much better, both my left breast, AND my back!
Monday, April 23, 2007
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Aidan was given a plush animal as a gift when he was a newbie. He fell in love with it. I went back to Pottery Barn Kids, aka, Rip Mommy Off, and bought four more. For a long time, we kept up the charade that he really only had one Mr. Hippo, and we would make the exchange at bathtime. In the last few months, he realized that he is the proud owner of FIVE Mr. Hippos! We still try to limit the use of one Hippo at a time though. But one day... this happened.
We went back to Rip Mommy Off last week to find Zoe a lovey, or rather, five of them. Strangely enough, Aidan picked out PINK bunnies for Zoe. When did this child learn (?) that pink is a girly color? He rejected the white/brown/blue models...
I think motherhood and plans do not go together.
I had planned to meet Zoe's EVERY need for 12 weeks- that I will pick her up every time she cries, and rock her to sleep, and hold her while she is sleeping... We are 4 weeks into this plan, and my body is rebeling.
This morning, while snuggling with her and watching her sleep, I planned to roll her onto our bed, so I can sneak away for a quick shower... In my not-so-acrobatic-position, I pulled my neck muscle. OUCH. And now, holding her is a pain, literally. Just to think EIGHT more weeks of this! Yikes. I think I need a new plan. I have no idea what this plan may include, but I know my body needs a new plan.
I think I had a similar plan with Aidan. But I called it quits by the time he was 8 weeks old, and he started to figure out how to self-sooth and put himself to sleep by then. I think Zoe may be in for the same fate.
We're going to Hubby's college reunion this weekend. I am rather ambivalent about the trip. On one hand, I am psyched to see the colleges again, and to remember where we met, where we threw oranges at each other, and most importantly, where we kissed... The story goes that if you kiss a man at this particular garden on campus, you will end up marrying the guy. I made sure we kissed there.
While reliving the memories will be awesome, it will also be kind of sad. Sad, because to me, college was about FREEDOM! I did whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted, and SLEPT WHENEVER I WANTED! Now, we are heading there with my two awesome, but freedom-limiting children...
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I was browsing through Aidan's newbie photos today, because I could not remember what he was up to when he was Zoe's age: it was all just such a blur. I remembered Aidan crying while Hubby and I tried to watch Bend It Like Beckham (and totally unable to hear the dialogue). However, I couldn't remember how old he was when that happened. I came across this photo, at the peak of 'physiologic fussiness', which happens around six weeks of age. You can assume that I was quite desperate...
Monday, April 16, 2007
These are the random observations I have made recently:
1. There is something about my womb: the children that come out of this womb hate the bottle. With Aidan, we were much too lacksdaisical about bottle feeding. He had needed supplementation via the bottle the first couple of weeks, and he had done really well then. So we figured, he can do both well. We let it go. Then, when we picked up the bottle again at six weeks, he HATED it. I had kept records of how much formula he would actually drink back then. It was ugly. With Zoe, we thought we would be super diligent about this. She didn't need formula supplementation, and all the experts recommended not to, if possible, for the first two weeks. Just to get breast feeding very well established. So we waited until she was two weeks old, then we picked up the bottle. She also HATED it. What gives?! I think all that whoopla about nipple confusion is a myth: it is about temperament. And my kids just don't want the bottle. Hubby gets the super fun job of making them tolerate the bottle... We DO NOT want another child at daycare who will rather starve than drink from the bottle...
2. Just as you think you have some kind of handle on parenting, your child is guaranteed to change and will require a different management solution: Couple of nights ago, Zoe was sleeping great. And we thought, AH, possibly down to two feedings a night. She had other plans! She will be three weeks tomorrow, and with that, comes THE THREE WEEK GROWTH SPURT! Last night, she just wanted to eat, eat, eat. What sleep?! Let's EAT!
3. It becomes greatly more difficult to work out communication issues with one's spouse: When Aidan was a baby, when Hubby and I had a disagreement, one of us would hold the baby, and we would work it out, in the same way we did pre-baby: I would act like a baby. Now that Aidan is a curious toddler, it is impossible to make him leave when we are experiencing communication difficulties, AND, I can't act like a baby- something about setting a good example. The good thing about this, is that we get over our disagreement/fight whole lot more quickly.
4. Group theory: In my line of work, we make a few assumptions about groups of people. One of which is this: when there is a group of people who meet regularly, like Bible study, or in this case, like my growing family, and two of the members know something, everyone in the group will know, if not consciously, than unconsciously. Case and point: I had been avoiding setting up the pack-n-play in our room, because I didn't want Aidan to know that Zoe sleeps with us. Who needs a regressed toddler who insists on sleeping with Mommy and Daddy?! However, co-sleeping is not working out very well- I wake up to every little noise Zoe makes. Hubby pointed it out to me last night, at 4 am, this group theory assumption. So, Aidan probably already knows that Zoe sleeps with us, unconsciously. And probably, all toddlers know that their infant sibs sleep on/with Mommy/Daddy at some point, and that probably fuels emotional turmoil within these tots!
Friday, April 13, 2007
Zoe looks so much like Aidan! Check these out. The pink blanket gives it away...
Now, for a quiz. Is this Aidan or Zoe?
Also, can you tell that I have been feeding Zoe A LOT?
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Time is a strange thing. Sometimes, I feel like time is going by way too quickly. Other times, it feels like time is barely crawling by. For instance, is it ONLY Wednesday?!
It also feels like Zoe has been a part of my daily routine for much longer than the actual two weeks since her birth. It seems like she ought to be one year old already, yet she is not.
Sometimes, I seriously doubt I am going to be to make it until they both turn 18. Other times, I know that when they are 18, I will wish that they are toddlers again, probably.
This time around, I feel more confident as a mother. However, I still have doubts: am I holding her too much? Should she be sleeping on her own by now? Why is it none of my kids want to sleep on their backs?
Time is a strange thing...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Some of my faithful readers have commented to us that they are surprised I have had time to blog. I think I have been blogging because I have a certain number of words I need to express daily. When I go to work, I share these words with my colleagues. Now that I am home, I share some of those words with Hubby, but a man can listen only so much. Aidan isn't big on listening about my random thoughts. And Zoe, well, she looks at me and has no response what-so-ever. I am not a big phone-talker. So I blog.
This is my rant for this evening.
Aidan loves yogurt. I enjoy giving it to him. He is quite the master of using a spoon to eat yogurt, fairly neatly, might I add. I am frustrated with yogurt makers, however. There are a few options out there:
1. Original versions: with some fat, to aide the absorption of calcium. But also A LOT of sugar. A single serving of Yoplait's original yogurt has 27 grams of sugar. I might as well given him a lollipop.
2. Light yogurt: made with Splenda. I don't have a problem with Splenda, I think. Who really knows what Dateline may say about Splenda down the road. There is much less sugar with this variety, around 10 grams of sugar. However, there is no fat, to help calcium absorption. Then what is the point of eating yogurt?
I ended up offering Aidan a piece of bacon after he ate his yogurt, to help him get all the calcium he can.
If only someone can make yogurt with Splenda AND some fat. That would be great.
Monday, April 09, 2007
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We have been working on these sleep rules in our house, more vigilantly now than ever. I DO NOT need an awake toddler AND an awake newbie.
1. Close your eyes.
2. No talking.
3. No singing.
4. If you complain, and Mommy/Daddy needs to come back in, you will
A. get timed out
B. no watching trains on youtube.com the next day.
The rules have been working great, until...
This morning, at 8:05, I hear whimpering from Aidan's room. I go check up on him. He says, "It is all wet." Poor guy, he has been awake, and waiting for us to go him, not making a peep, and trying to hold it. Alas, the laws of fluids wins. Is there such a thing as too obedient? He helps me clean up, (thank God for modern conveniences like waterproof bed pads!). And we revise the sleep rules. We add number 5.
5. If you need to go to the bathroom, call out to Mommy/Daddy.
A. We will help you go to the bathroom. This is not complaining.
B. However, if you don't actually need to go, then you will get timed out.
Aidan DESPISES time outs. However, he will still test boundaries/limits to see how far he can push us. We are also working on: Mommy/Daddy will ONLY ASK ONCE. I am so done with talking to myself, "go put on your underwear," five seconds later, "please put on your underwear." Then, "Honey, let's put on your underwear." Later still, "Aidan, please, just put on your underwear." These days, it is: "Aidan, please put on your underwear, I am only asking ONCE. Get to it." It is getting better...
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I think Aidan thinks there are only five names available in the whole world. For instance, his favorite teacher at school is Anna, and we have a friend who is Anna, whom he also loves. There is also his classmate, Gabriel, and he also knows a baby Gabriel. Then there is his auntie Shannon, and also teacher Shannon. There is my friend Dina, and another teacher Dena. Not only that, there are two other Aidans in his classroom. Finally, even different languages don't escape this fate: he is a Dove at school, (all the classrooms are named after birds, they start as Hummingbirds and graduate as Eagles!) and he has a buddy, Paloma, which also means Dove in Spanish!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
With the arrival of both of my children, I found myself mourning the loss of exclusive relationships.
When Aidan came, I was really sad that my nice dyadic relationship with Hubby was OVER.
When Zoe came, I realized that my exclusive relationship with Aidan was OVER. I had finally formulated a workable triadic relationship with the two guys in my life, but that was OVER. We now need to work on a 'quadratic' relationship. I don't wish for less children, but I do wish for more of me. I keep remembering 'the last time I-was-here-with-Aidan-before-Zoe-came' everywhere we go. Places like the public library, Costco, firehouse...etc, not even that exotic of places, but special places nonetheless. I suppose Zoe and I can have that intense 'exclusive' relationship later, when Aidan goes off to college! And Hubby and I can once again be a dyad, when they are all out of the house! Just 18 years, a brief time, really.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Last night was the first night that Hubby and I both got to sleep in our bed, the whole night, together, since Zoe arrived. We had been trying all different permutations for sleep. We tried taking on different shifts: alternating, dividing the night in half...etc. Alternating was just dumb: no one got solid sleep. Dividing the night worked okay- one of us slept with Zoe downstairs, while the other slept in bed.
Last night, we decided to have her sleep on us, in our bed. We all slept. But Hubby and I now have very sore backs... Who knew not moving for 3 hours at a time is bad for your back?
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Zoe is now nine days old, and her first growth spurt kicked last night. I fed her at 7:30 pm, 8:30, 10:30, 11:30, 1:30 am, 3:30, 4:30, 6:30. Good grief. It was as if she carried a watch and knew it was half past the hour. I figured each feeding took 25-35 minutes, including a diaper change... I was sitting with her for over 4 hours last night!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
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It occurred to me last night: We are in survival mode. Forget developing good sleep habits in Zoe: sleeping without an aide, regular feedings, keeping things consistent...etc. What I am interested in right now is getting enough sleep for everyone. It is not that I am trying to make everyone happy, because there is just no such thing right now. Instead, I am trying to the unhappiness equally distributed among the members of my household. Like my boss would say, "keeping everyone equally unhappy." So far, the situation is stable. Stable is a funny word, it doesn't mean 'good,' just not changing. Alas I digress.
Last night, Zoe got a quick rub down (she was getting REALLY gross... I guess after six days of life, a cleaning was necessary) around 9 pm, she got fed and she went to sleep on her vibrating bouncer. At 11, I picked her up and gave her a dream feed. (Dream feed: feeding a child while s/he is asleep...don't ask me if that makes ANY sense at all...) She went back to her bouncer. Then at 1, she was up and I fed her, then she and I slept on the couch. I considered it a lesson of breathing on your own. (Apparently, to have a newborn sleep in the prone position on your chest teaches/reminds them to breathe as the infant feels your breathing, supposedly prevents SIDS.) Then she woke up at 4, I fed her, and to the bouncer she went, and I went back to my bed. She woke up at 7. Hubby got up and rocked her back to sleep until 8.
With Aidan, I would have freaked: sleeping on a bouncer for the night! A big no no, according to The Baby Whisperer (I am teaching her to be dependent on something to help her sleep.) Co-sleeping, another big no no, according to some physicians, that I might roll over and kill her... But this time, with Zoe, I just want to get some rest, stop her from crying (and waking Aidan up, THE BIGGEST NO NO in my book.)
Hubby is returning to work half time tomorrow, I hope the situation remains stable as we take on a new routine.
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Hubby had a meeting at church tonight so he had to leave right after dinner. Therefore, in lieu of watching trains/fire trucks...etc on youtube.com, Aidan was given a choice of Baby Einstein or no passive entertainment tonight. While the guys were looking through the various options for Baby Einstein, Aidan found our Finding Nemo DVD and said he wanted to watch 'Fish!' instead. I was so busy/delirious with Zoe/cleaning up dinner/getting things ready for bathtime, that I failed to think about the content of Finding Nemo. Anyway, we started the DVD and Aidan really enjoyed the brightly colored reef...until, Nemo's mom got EATEN. Then, Nemo got separated from his dad...and boy, the plot is JUST NOT AGE APPROPRIATE! Quite a few Disney movies are like this, Bambi is another example. Why? Why? Why? Aidan kept asking me to explain why Marlin was sad... (when his wife got eaten...) I really did not want to explain this since we are in the process of helping him adjust to being a big brother, AND, I was just AWAY from him for two nights last week...THIS WAS TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. I wanted to fast forward through the story, but the whole movie was about the separation... Fortunately for me, Aidan grew tired of the DVD and asked me to stop it. Phew.
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The other day, Aidan, Hubby, and I were walking along University Avenue. Aidan suddenly said, "Christmas!" as he pointed to a guy with a full white beard. Somehow, he thinks that all men with full white beards are Santas, but since we only talk about Christmas at home, Santa wasn't in his vocabulary, so he says, "Christmas!" It is really funny, especially when these men look at us strangely...
Saturday, March 31, 2007
We received our first visitors today. Our dear friends and their precious children came by for a quick lunch.
Aidan loves their older girl- P. They are about 4 months apart and really like to play together. They also have new siblings, which make it really fun for me, as I get to watch what is coming to my house just a few months down the road.
After a delicious lunch and super fun times for the kids to goof off and jump around, they were packing up to go. We all made our way to the garage, and I was pulling out Aidan's baby clothes for them. P's Dad went to get their car. Hubby was coming into the garage to join us. All of the sudden, it was just too quiet. I asked P's Mom, "where are they?" And it occurred to us, they were NOT in the garage with us! They had wanted to follow P's Dad to the car! We RAN after them. Those two dare devils were giggling, holding hands, Aidan with his Mr. Hippo, making their way around the CORNER. It was made CLEAR to those two children, that they are NEVER to leave the garage without adult supervision. Geez.
He was also feeling dejected from all the rejections earlier that spring/summer. One day in September, while I was riding on the 2 train to get to the hospital, this brilliant thought occurred to me- CBS has an abbreviated MBA program that would start in January! I got on the phone with Hubby that day, and we decided to apply, what the heck, he had all the letters and scores. I stopped by CBS the next day on my way home from the hospital, and picked up an application- those were the days of paper applications! I filled out most of it for Hubby, he wrote his essay in 2 days, and we sent it in. Hubby saw an alumna from CBS for an interview in SF, and received an acceptance a few weeks later.
There was a lady in front of me, whose English was not so good, and whose Chinese was even worse, but her Spanish was great, but that didn't help her whole lot, since we were at a Chinese grocery store. She originally wanted half a chicken, then she wanted some broccoli, but not the stir-fried kind, the steamed kind, and rice, hm, no rice, hm, no broccoli, show me how much half a chicken is on the list, (the list is in Chinese), then the whole chicken, then for $1, please, some broccoli. I thought I was with Aidan for a second... Then, I realized that she was trying to put together a meal with whatever money she had. It had been a long time since we have had to watch our expenses like that. Back in NYC, when we were not making $ and paying 2 private school tuitions, we used to penny pinch too. We only ate whatever was on sale at the grocery store, yet we had lots of fond memories of those days.
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