Catching Up

It is a little concerning that only sweet Peggy left some comments in response to my contest. I am wondering, is it that people don't know what marriage is about, or is it my prize is way lame, or is it that no one reads my blog? Well, since Hubby has set me up with some analytics of this page, I know for a fact that I have readers, thankfully. I don't think The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom is a lame book, I mean, it is simply awesome in its description of God's sovereignty. I also don't think people don't know what marriage is, I mean, I know a lot of readers here are reformed Christians, who think similarly as I do. Therefore, I think I have shy readers. There is no need to be shy though. Maybe next time.

Peggy- I will be in touch about bringing the book and lunch by your house very, very, soon. I promise. It will be done before the end of the year.

As for the answers I was looking for when I asked the question: What is marriage about? What is it for? The answers are two fold: like Peggy said, it is a symbol of God's covenant with us. Simply put, just like God is committed to us, that He died for us, we too, are called to be committed to our spouses, and in a way, to die a little bit for him/her each day as we sacrificially live out this covenant. Secondly, I think in staying married, two people are choosing to complete in God's work of sanctification. That through the joys and difficulties of being married, we are helping our spouses to become what God intends for them to be. For instance, I firmly believe that God has called me to help Hubby to be able to pick up after his own socks. On the other hand, I am certain that God has called Hubby to help me to be more forgiving. (Of course, just like Christ entered the cross willingly, lovingly, we are too called to do this work willingly, with love and joy.)

Meanwhile, I read a blog post that triggered some serious thinking. It was a blog post about the differences between a mother who chooses to work, versus a mother who chooses to stay at home. The premise was this: Middle class American parents tend to think that they HAVE to have two working parents, but the truth is that most families CAN live on one income (and probably would be better off living on one income).

Obviously, I have thought about this, A LOT. When Aidan was born, I was in my second year of residency, and I had thoughts of not going back for several reasons. First of all, we didn't have childcare lined up! (I know, I know, totally foolish.) Secondly, I simply did not know how I was going to be able to continue training and bring up a child. I did go back to finish, but I extended my leave for six months. Therefore, by the time that Aidan started his infant program, he was sitting up, eating solids, and sleeping through the night.

When we got pregnant with Zoe, I was just about to finish residency and there was no doubt in my mind that I would go back to work, part-time. The experience of working full-time with Aidan had taught me that my limit was reached, and I would be a much better physician and mother if I limited my work.

You see, the decision to go to work for me, for us, wasn't just about money. We could make it on one income as God has always been very generous with us. However, I went back to work, because like the runner, Eric Liddell, from Chariots of Fire, who said, "I believe that God made me for a purpose... (the mission), but He also made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure." When I am sitting with a patient, and that patient gets better, I do feel His pleasure.

Secondly, we actually think that Aidan and Zoe benefit from being in daycare. Granted, because of our work schedules, they are not there as much as they could be. (School opens at 7 and closes at 6:30, that is 11 1/2 hours!) At the same time, I know they have iron clad immune systems (they hardly ever get sick anymore), and they learn different things from their teachers, their friends, and us. Of course, we treasure the time we do have with them, and it can be hectic when I am trying to rush home, to make dinner, to bath them, to put laundry away. This is the life we have chosen for us. It works for us, at this time.

Thirdly, we also chose for me to go back to work, because, we do think God has given me the ability to make money. In making money, we can support various missionaries, ministries, and it is also a process for us to choose to live sacrificially for others.

Finally, I simply love the fact that Scripture does not say ALL mothers should stay at home, or ALL mothers should work for money. Back then, mothers probably didn't have that many options to make money, (I can only think of the world's oldest profession, you know what I mean.) Nonetheless, I want to be the kind of wife described in Proverbs 31, (it is really talking about Christ, but go with me, if you would.)

10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

(I am going to write about those "arms are strong for her tasks" later this week. You will be amused.)

In the end, the fact that whether a mom should stay home or should go find a job for money isn't talked about in the Ten Commandments implies that this subject needs to be approached prayerfully, and it is a different decision for each family. We will never know what is really happening in a family to say whether so and so should stay home, or has a choice to stay home, or not. But isn't that the process of becoming parents: That we need to prayerfully ask God for wisdom, because what God has a different plan for me than for my neighbor.

Different Perspectives

We went to a little root beer float party at A&Z's school on Friday to celebrate Father's Day, which was really fun. I started chatting with little J's mom. Aidan had started the infant class with J, and it is astounding to think about how Aidan knows most of his friends for essentially his entire life! Anyway, we were talking about kindergarten, and then the subject drifted to real estate. You know, where one lives determines where one goes to school. Turns out, they live in a neighborhood that Hubby and I had looked at various houses a few months ago. J's mom and I talked about a particular house that was on the market, and how I bumped into that realtor later and had found out that house had closed for $1.27 millions, in cash.

Immediately, J's mom said, "There must be something illegal going on there. People don't just have $1.27 million in cash."

It was hilarious! Because, what she said was so fitting with her profession. You see, J's mom is a district attorney! Whereas, as a therapist, my immediate thought is "Man, I wish I have parents with $1.27 million to spare."

Different perspectives. =)

A Woman of Secrets

These days, I sit in my therapist chair, and I often marvel at the secrets I harbor on behalf of my patients.

First of all, there are these names that I gotta keep track of. Because most people are in treatment because they are unhappy in their relationships, I have lots of people to remember. Names of parents, siblings, lovers, children, and of course, dogs. I gotta remember that Jane used to be with Dave, but now with Mike, and Mike used to be with May. Or that Jack's brother, John, drives Jean batty, and Jean is unhappy with Jack because she is secretly attracted to Jack's boss, Jake. (A totally made up scenario, but you get my drift.) Of course, I can write this stuff down, but in case my records ever get subpeonad, I still want to keep Jean's secrets, therefore, my charting is very, VERY, vague, and I try to leave most names out. Surprisingly, while I sometimes have problems remembering names of people I actually meet, I hear so much about these partners that even though I usually don't get to meet them, I remember them.

Secondly, I went to the county jail to visit an inmate yesterday. I was asked by this person's attorney to do a psychiatric evaluation in Mandarin. I spent about two hours with him, asking him about where he grew up, what his parents did for a living, and of course, the events around his alleged crime. It was very weird, shocking, even, to learn that his family, as well as he himself, worship at a church I grew up at. There really is very little difference between us in some ways, yet he is behind bars...

Today, I had a chance to ask a Christian couple contemplating divorce (they specifically sought me out because I am a Christian psychiatrist) why they got married in the first place. I also asked them another hefty question: What is the purpose of marriage? Why do we have weddings? I was astounded that they said that purpose of marriage is to have babies. I told them that people can have babies out of wed lock all the time! They were truly stumped.

Do you know the purpose of marriage? For kicks, I have two very specific answers that I am looking for, and the 'winner' will get a copy of my favorite book, The Hiding Place, by Corrie Ten Boom. This contest will end next Friday!

Seriously

Life is full. Spilling over, really. I may not be able to go on like this much longer.

Hubby arranged for a surprise date this evening- and as he and I got in our trusty Volvo, we were discussing the problems with sippy cups. While I was shopping in Denver, he took the kids to school and gave Zoe a sippy cup, with milk in it. Then the sippy cup got left behind, and the car warmed up, probably multiple times, and a bit of the milk leaked out, and then the car started to smell like vomit. Fabulous. Awesome. As we were exploring what to do about the smell, the car died. The light for 'check engine' came on. We pulled back in the garage, Hubby looked under the hood, and we though we would drive around the corner. The car died about 4 times during that trial run. Even more fabulous. We ended up driving Hubby's car for the night. Hubby will be going our mechanic in the morning to see what is likely to go wrong with a Volvo S70 T5, from 1998, when the car hits about 120,000 miles and see what Bo says. Meanwhile, we are very, very, sad to even consider replacing this car for several reasons, but mainly this: We were thinking about replacing a car for safety reasons, just not the Volvo.

Meanwhile, it feels like that all these 'adult issues' just crept up upon us. We met with the medical examiner for our life insurance carrier today to do the necessary procedures so that we can buy 'the insurance of love.' I talked to the bank that is refinancing our house to unlock my credit alert- and the refi is progressing. We need to see an estate attorney so that we can be sure A&Z are properly saddled with our debt should we decease prematurely. The idea of buying a house in this market is a bit daunting. Aidan is starting school in about 7 weeks and we will have two different locations for drop offs. Hubby is photographing a wedding this weekend, we are traveling in 3 weeks, and, well, I am just thinking that our life is very full. Studying for the boards seems so easy in retrospect...

Is There Anything Else?

Phew, I am now home, after a lot of shopping, I mean, studying, at the Mile High City for the ABPN oral boards.

Leaving the family behind was the hardest part of the trip, however, I was not about to bring them with me. There was just no way I would pay for three other plane tickets, and to plan everyone's entertainment, nonetheless, I missed them terribly. I talked to the kids before bedtime for both evenings, and discovered a few things about my kids. First of all, Aidan is one mushy child. As much as he loves to play roughly and shoot everything down, he consistently told me much he missed me, how much he wanted me to be with him, and how much he loved me. He was also very intrigued what I would bring home with me. As for Zoe, she thought she was a a video conference, and would consistently point to various things in the house while we were talking. She also had made tremendously leaps in her speech, and could tell me that the choo choo went very fast. Hubby did a fantastic job, holding down the fort, working, and attending a wedding rehearsal. Our dear friends, A&S, were so kind to offer themselves as sacrifice, I mean, babysitters on Saturday morning. Apparently, Aidan even drew them a map and convinced them to take him to Baskin Robins.

While I left home on Thursday, I really didn't need to be there until Friday at 1 pm. However, to leave on Friday morning for the 1:00 pm registration time would require a wake up time at 4 am, and there was just no way I could do that. Therefore, I had a lot of time on my hands while in Denver. This much became clear: When I am nervous/anxious/stressed, I shop. There was a lot of shopping to be had in Denver. I came home with 2 pairs of shoes for me, a dress and a pair of pants for me, 1 pair of shoes for Aidan, a book for Aidan, a book for Zoe, a stuffed animal for Aidan, a necklace for Zoe, a game for Hubby, an umbrella, a History Channel DVD about the WWII in the Pacific, and some chocolates. Hubby wondered if I actually took my test.

As for the test, I have to say that the ABPN was quite organized, it was an impressive logistical feat. My assigned exam time was 11:10 for my patient interview, lunch at 12:10, and then at 1:10, the four vignettes. Fittingly, I listened to a sermon by Tim Keller on "Work" based on 1 Thessalonians. Minutes before I was called, the sermon ended with the reference to Chariots of Fire: Indeed, when I interview, I can feel God's joy! (And if you don't know what I am talking about, either watch the movie, or find this sermon via iTune.) Overall, I thought I did ok. The patient I had was very cooperative, and I had a working diagnosis, since, well, he told me his diagnosis. I did have to blame my anxiety for not being able to recall the full diagnostic criteria of his diagnosis: Thus, I am counting on my supervisor who told me that they cannot fail me because I don't know what is in the books. As for the vignettes, the format was really odd. I was presented a very brief case, and for about 10 minutes, the examiner would ask me questions. They never confirmed or denied anything I said, but they would then say, "Is there anything else?" I would talk some more, then, "Is there anything else?" Eventually, I wanted to yell: "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I HAVE NO IDEA IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE!!!!"

Alas, the exam is over, and now, I just have to wait for a very long time. Please God, let me pass, because I cannot possibly leave A&Z, and Hubby for another trip.

Sleep Like Michael Phelps

Aidan victoriously finished up his spring session of swim lessons. He had made tremendous progress- he can now float on his belly, and back, however momentarily. He dives underwater without fear, although he is still mastering making bubbles via his nose. Most importantly, he is thrilled to be swimming. We have signed up for some private lessons, and I look forward to the day when he does flip turns.

Zoe has also accomplished a whole season of swimming with me. She no longer clings onto me with her little hands for dear life, and she will happily splash around in her floatation suit. While she gets mad when other people make her face wet, she is willing to jump into the pool 'like a baby' while I hold her hands. She is still too young for lessons, but in a two years, she too, will be occupied for 40 minutes at a time, so that I can go do laps myself.

Imagine with me, if you will. The year will be 2011, Zoe will be busy with Teacher Gina in her lesson, Aidan will be doing swim team, and I will be doing laps. It will be beautiful.

Not just during the lesson though, but afterwards: The children will be exhausted. They will need to sleep like Michael Phelps, eat like Michael Phelps. However, I do not want them to meet Mary Jane like Mr. Phelps had done.

Randomly, I have three more nights in my own bed, then I am off to Denver. Strangely, the anxiety had lifted (please God, let me pass, or this will be so embarrassing...) And now, I am mildly guilt ridden about my upcoming 'vacation.' It will be three days, two nights of 'me' time. It will be quiet, serene, no interruptions, no weird questions to answer, no snuggles, no kisses. I am going to miss them.

The Count Down

It feels like my lifer is forever about countdowns. Just recently, I counted down to quitting my salaried position, and now, I am counting down the days until I take off for Denver.

In a way, it is fitting that I am wrapping up my professional credentialing in Denver. I had flown through Denver in 1996, on route to Ann Arbor, Michigan. It marked the beginning of my 'serious' pursuit of a medical career. Interestingly, I had managed to convince The National Science Foundation that I deserved to get some grant money to go study some developmental biology. The deal was awesome- they gave me $2500, room and board, and airplane tickets, in exchange for eight weeks of my time. That summer was great on so many levels. I met sweet Brandi, my roommate then, and now a family practice physician in Oregon. We studied for the MCAT after full days at the lab. I was studying African bull frogs, and she studied fungus- totally related to what we do now... My lab mates were great, and that was the summer that Hubby and I started the pre-dating phase of our relationship via lots of letter writing.

Anyway, so I am going back to Denver, and God willing, to be done with my journey for the last THIRTEEN years.

I did another mock interview today with a respected medical director in my area. It was clear that I need to pack my 'oral boards bag'- I will need a pen, one piece of paper, a clipboard, a watch, and, apparently, some tissues- in case my patient starts to cry and I can seem caring. Unexpectedly, this practice session was 'good for my career development.' Dr. B referred a patient to me this afternoon after we finished our session! Who knew that studying for oral boards could mean good things for my practice?!

To sum what what I have to do next Saturday, for all those who are curious:
The exam is two hours long. I will interview a 'real' patient for 1/2 hour, then there will be a 'discussion' for another 1/2 hour, during which I will 'formulate' the case. Then, I will watch a video for 1/2 hour, and present and discuss that case for 1/2 hour. The two cases are weighted equally, and out of 64 points, I will need 40 points to pass. They regularly pass 50-60% of candidates, and after this ordeal, I will get to be a 'diplomat'. My soon-to-be-true diplomat status will NOT yield any additional gain for me, other than the satisfaction that there are a few people who think I am a good doctor.

Apparently, in my discussion, I will need to 'keep them entertained' so that they won't grow so bored that they start asking questions. I will need to be 'open minded' to their suggestions and not be stubborn. It would also help to convince them that I am 'safe' and 'humanistic.'

I think, the tough part of the trip will be leaving A, Z, and Hubby behind- so much so, that I got myself some emergency life insurance coverage today. Effective tomorrow, if I die, those 3 won't starve for a little while. At least until they eat through, literally, the entire insurance benefit, which is highly possible, considering those two knobbins ate three kids meals this evening at Baja Fresh.

I have a long list of things I am going to do after the exam- cleaning, cooking, sleeping (without dreams of getting poop on my interview suit), and my secret project. More on that secret project later...just so that you come back and read some more.