Wife Wanted

Seeking a gracious and patient wife. Preferably non smoking. Must be forgiving and detail oriented. Helpful if not-too-old as this job requires high energy. Trilingual abilities in toddlerese, Mandarin, and English are essential.

There are a few big projects underway and help is desperately needed for the following:

1. Two energetic and delightful children are in process of transitioning into new schools. The five year-old is doing well, although his attitude regarding homework is sketchy at best. He also insists that he can read chapter books, and reality check will need to be done rather gently. The two year-old will be transitioning to her new school in about two weeks. Her routine is currently without consistency and that needs to be changed also.

2. A loving husband is working entirely too hard. Abilities to manage software projects would be useful to ease his burden. Must be willing to assist in photography business, preferably be trained in photographer skills, whatever these may be.

3. There is already a wife, however, she also needs help. She is not particularly gracious or patient. Also not all that forgiving. However, she is detail oriented. Assistance in schedule maintenance for her work is necessary. Her bedtime routine needs to be updated. She has become a very light sleeper and causing havoc for the operation. Sleep training is a must.

4. Expertise in building maintenance would be helpful, to figure out what 'needs' to get done, what 'would be nice' to get done, and to find financing for such work.

5. Nutritious meals are needed thrice a day, and at least for six days a week. Meal planning is a must, preferably using inexpensive, organic ingredients. It would also be necessary to have simple instructions and not-time-consuming. Ideally, meals should appear on the table within twenty minutes without needing to shop for groceries, while supervising children with various art projects.

6. Organization skills are required. All the closets, garage, and everything else in between, need to be packed away in order of necessity, boxed, labeled appropriately, Various items need to stay available for the next few months and should be quickly accessible.

These are just the needs at this time, as time goes on and as we evaluate your specific abilities, you will be given more responsibilities. The position is permanent, and will come with health benefits, although no vacation will be granted. And absolutely no sick days will be allowed. The compensation will mainly be deferred, thus, a great job at the present time would insure pay back in about 30 years.