Shocking

I have had three voice lessons thus far, and my oh my, it is a bit shocking. Shocking how badly I sing these days, mostly. After studying voice in college, my music career essentially died. When I finished residency, I had thought that I would start singing again, with all the free time and money that an attending would have, surely, I could start this up again. Nope. Life, ironically, got more hectic, and there was just no time for this endeavor. Slowly, a piece of me was withering away. This spring, I finally decided to do something about it. I found a voice teacher through a local university (the only way I know how...) and my new phase of life begun. A phase of life that involves singing in the garage, after the kids are asleep.

I like my voice teacher, she sounds really, really good. Of course, I also respect her credentials- she went to a conservatory, a prestigious one. I wish I can sound like her. We chatted a bit after one lesson, and I found out that she grew up in my neighborhood and just a few years older than me.

Then, today, I went to see my dentist, the same guy who polished my teeth before I left for college, and every winter/summer break thereafter. I drove around the same roads where I had my driving lessons, and it was a bit spooky as I went down memory lane. Spooky how I thought I was so mature, however, now that I am a bit less immature (not necessarily mature at all), I recognize how immature I really was.

The scary part is, what if I am doing all this parenting, working, stuff, and I am actually really immature? Ah!!!

For instance, I dated this guy in high school, behind my parents' back. How I got away with it? No idea, although it definitely involved some lying. (Thankfully, Jesus already died for this.) I had thought that my parents were so old school, so dense, if only they could just live a little. Thankfully, God always kept me safe, and my parents' worst fears (truancy, drugs, straying away from the Gospel, teenage pregnancy...) never were realized.

Now that I am a parent, while I think that I rather know what A&Z are up to and will want to know if they are dating, and possibly even encourage them to date so that I can give them some guidance before they are off to college, I am sure, one day, they will think of me as old, dense, and nearly dead. My only hope is that God will keep them safe.

Back to my original point, what if I am doing all that I am doing, but I am no where near the maturity I delusionally think I have?

Please God, keep those children in your hands, keep my patients in your hands...