Parental Visits and Thoughts

My parents came to help us this past week, and they were indeed very helpful. Aidan participated in a soccer camp last week, and fortunately/unfortunately, for his age group, camp ended at noon. I couldn't play hooky in the afternoons all week long, and neither could Hubby, and thus, parents to the rescue!

Probably already clear to y'all, the simple fact that I chose to be a psychiatrist speaks to the fact that I have an interesting relationship with my parents. When I sat on the couch with my own therapist many moons ago during training, and I went on and on and on about how I wished my parents had done differently in raising me, my therapist looked at me in my eyes, and said, "Exactly what do you want them to do?! They clearly did the best that they could, what do you want?"

That question really stopped me in my track. What did I want them to do? I thought about it for a very long time, and now that I have A&Z, I think I know. I wanted them to spend more time with me. They spent as much time as they had with me, yet I want more! (That is why, I am fully convinced that A&Z will also have something to talk about with their therapists down the road...)

As good of parents as they have always been, they true purpose here is to point me to my Perfect Father, the one in heaven. And that they did. My Heavenly Father always has time for me, His plans are perfect for me, and He will never fail me.

Having said all that, my relationship with my parents have also changed a lot since the arrival of A&Z. I am much more clear about asking them to help me, in the way that I want them to help. Over the last six years, we all have had more practice in this, and dare I say this? I think we are all getting better. I am better at asking my parents to help me in the way that I want them to help, and they are perfecting the art of doing it the way I want them to. For instance, I like my kitchen clean, all the time, even while I am using it to make dinner. My mother, however, does not care about her kitchen. For the week that they were here though, she (or my dad, probably both) diligently kept it clean, which was very lovely.

I am reading Dr. Wes Stafford's Too Small to Ignore. Dr. Stafford is the president and CEO of Compassion International and he is here to comfort the afflicted (the marginalized children, both here and abroad) and afflict the comforted (people like me). As I am thinking about how I can change my life to help children around the world, I am even more mindful of A&Z, and how I am parenting. One of things that I am more convicted to do is to include them in my life more. Yes, they already take up so much my life, but I still exclude them from many things for sure. For instance, my very clean kitchen is evidence that I limit their presence there. Yes, Zoe bakes with me (we made jam filled thumb print cookies yesterday!) but how much did I really let her help? I want to include them in my day to day life more! (Hubby thinks this way, I can also share my chores all around!) And that would be a good thing!

One of the gifts my mother gave me was to teach me how to make a simple dinner when I was 9. She let me chop up vegetables using a huge cleaver, she taught me how to remove fish scales, and how to make soy sauce braised whole fish. At 9. I am sure I made a huge mess! (I have this memory that I was chopping up onions and my eyes burned and burned, and I crawled to the couch and fell asleep...good times.) In exchange, she equipped me for adulthood, and I want the same for A&Z.

In summary, my children are going to be all the more present in my life through participating in my chores!