Providence

I have been thinking about God's providence. It is so easy for me to say, "Cool! It worked out!" without fully thinking through that God's work is in every facet of my life, and it is purely by His mercy when things happen. Left to my own devices, my life would be in pieces, following the law of entropy.

For example, we had to do some taping for our walls, and the final step of it was sanding. I didn't know when it would happen, and it was totally out of my control since it was up to the schedules of my contractor and his taper. I also usually get some extra help every other Tuesday to keep this house livable. When the taper came yesterday, Tuesday, he told me about sanding, and how he will use a vacuum sander, and he will still cover up our stuff with his plastic, but there still be some dust. Upon confirming with my extra help, it turned out that the taper will be done by the time she came! I came home to a dust free house! Is that providence or what?!

Even in finding Aidan's infected big toe last night, it was really God's mercy that I found it on a Tuesday evening, so that I can use my free day to take care of it. God could have led me to it on a Wednesday evening, and I would have to take extra time off for the pediatrician. By the way, no such luck for my plan that the treatment would be a punishment for picking at his toenails. The pediatrician thought there hadn't been enough studies done on intramuscular antibiotics for cellulitis, and he couldn't recommend a dosage that would be guaranteed to work. However, I did talk him into giving us something once a day instead of three times a day. The antibiotic, according to Aidan, tastes like strawberries. The lady next to us while I dosed Aidan right there at the pharmacy said, "Does it taste like candy?"

Anyway, in The Hiding Place, my all time favorite book, Corrie Ten Boom wrote about how her sister, Betsy, whispered to her while they were at Ravensbruck, "There is no if in God's world." I take so much comfort in that, knowing that while I apply the gifts God has given me, He will lead me to the decision that would serve His purpose.

Speaking of purpose. I have been struggling with whether or not to join an insurance panel. Up to now, my practice has been a fee-for-service practice. All the patients gave me my fee at the end of the session, and they billed insurance themselves to get whatever reimbursements they might get. For most of them, they probably only collected 50% from the insurance. It seems, according to David, the prime minister from my favorite movie, Love Actually, so elitist and wrong. The benefit from being on a panel, besides not carrying the guilt of being an elitist, is that I would get a lot of referrals from the insurance. Truth be told, I wouldn't even go see an optometrist out of my network, and I would only see him once a year! I would probably get a wider variety of patients, which is always a good thing. The cons are that I would have to take whatever insurance will pay me, and there is a delay in payment since I have to submit it, wait for insurance to act on it, and probably get the payment 30-60 days later.

A few months ago, an insurance panel contacted to offer me a higher fee schedule to join them. I thought about it, talked about it with Hubby, checked with a few colleagues, and got a wide variety of advice. Some said, "Are you crazy?" and some others said, "Of course you take insurance. You should take ALL kinds." I had to think about whether or not I really want to grow my practice, do I want to work more? Do I want to take these chances? What an unknown! It had been anxiety provoking- I couldn't sleep last night, and had been waking up at 5:30. However, a decision had been made. I will join the panel, if nothing else, I am early in my career and should know what it is like. I mean, I have done everything else, inpatient, outpatient, indigent, fee-for-service, HMO. Time to try this new thing. Besides, if I don't like it, I just give them 60 day notice.

So I am trying to get credentialed, which can take up to SIX MONTHS. The person I am working with actually said, "It will go by so fast, you might as well enjoy this downtime." Does she mean that it will be hectic? Do I really want that? Fortunately, God is at work in this. I am just an instrument.