Parallel Process

There is this very interesting phenomenon in psychotherapy called parallel process, where the therapist undergoes the same struggle, issue, clarity, in his/her own private life that the patient goes through. Really speaks to the power of the unconscious, or coincidence...

I saw this man for a consultation a few weeks ago. The main compliant was that he thought his depression was worsening and causing a lot of marital difficulties. He also started seeing a therapist around that same time. It was unclear to me if this therapy work was individual or couple at the time. Anyway, in the few weeks since our initial appointment, he had met with that therapist a few more times, and his spouse had also met with that therapist separately. The goal, was for them to see this therapist for couple's therapy. But I was really confused, mainly, that in couples' therapy, a therapist does not meet with one party more sessions than the other, that both parties get 'equal' time, so to speak. Just so that it is perfectly clear that there is no 'therapist's pet.'

So I went to check in with this therapist for a check in, and we talked about it for a while. I left and felt the issue was as clear as mud. And I felt like somehow, the case isn't managed properly. (For the record, this therapist is very experienced and I have complete respect and trust for his work.)

It plagued me all afternoon.

I was astounded to realize that what that therapist and I are encountering, is exactly how this patient is experiencing with his wife. Clear as mud. Don't know what is next. Totally. In. The. Dark. About therapy, about boundary issues, about 'goal.'

I love my job. I love all this thinking...