Expert am I

It is truly a joy and privilege to appear as an expert in Aidan's class. Last year, I was invited to talk about germs, specifically, parasites and fungus. This year, I was delighted to hear the subject (which the children voted on, without any of my influence at all) was the human body. How could I turn down such a scintilating subject?

Armed with my Netter's Atlas of the Human Anatomy and about 25 latex gloves, I joined the children for their circle time. We talked about bones, heart, and since a student was particularly flatulent- how one gets to be so gassy and I promptly showed them the intestines and of course, the anus. They were quite amused. Then someone wanted to see the skeleton of the head. So we did. And somehow, I started talking about how the head bones of a new baby are somewhat not connected fully, to accommodate the baby's birth. So I said, "In order for the baby's head to come out of the vagina, the bones have to be able to shift." I was then corrected by a child, "No! Babies come from tummies."

There might be children asking their parents about vaginas this evening at bedtime.

I was seriously disturbed as a kid, maybe about 8 years old, when a friend INSISTED that babies came out via the ARM PIT. I ran home and demanded my mother to tell me the truth. She was like, "No, babies come out of vaginas." I then had to ask, "Why would her mom LIE to her?" My mom said, "Maybe she was embarrassed." I could not fathom why people would be embarrassed about where babies come from, now, I know people are not concerned about how babies come out, but rather, how it got there. That's right, all you pregnant ladies out there, we know you had sex. S.E.X.

Clearly, I am just procrastinating at this point. Gotta go. Dinner is still all on the table, TWO hours later.

BTW, the latex gloves were their 'presents' and we blew them up into hand balloons! We were all amused.